I Believe in Yesterday

Jade's POV

“You and Alex making out is not nothing, Jade,” Bryan said, rolling his eyes as he spoke.
“
You and Alex did what?”

My eyes widened as did Bryan's as we slowly turned to look at the now opened doorway. There he stood, his dark brown hair disheveled, eyes wide and hurt as he looked between the two of us shitting on the bed, similar expressions on our faces.

Matt stood in the doorway, a backpack slung over his shoulder as he looked at us, continuing to shift his eyes between Bryan and myself but the hurt look never left his face.

Finally, I looked down at the comforter beneath my twisted legs, shaking my head as I muttered a soft, “Shit.”

“What did you and Alex do, Jade. Tell me,” Matt said, his chest heaving in unsteady breaths and he walked further into the room, the backpack sliding from his shoulder and onto the floor with a soft thud.

“I think its better if I leave now,” Bryan mumbled under his breath, starting to slide off of the bed, “Jack probably has to finish introducing me to people...plus...I really don't want to be here right now,” He finished, leaning forward to place a quick kiss on my forehead before leaving, completely ignoring my pleading eyes.

Once the door shut behind Bryan, Matt turned moved closer to me before sitting down on the bed, his eyes still wide and hopeful that he had just misunderstood what our friend had said but we both knew that he had heard correctly.

“Jade...I'm, I'm kinda freaking out right now and I'd really appreciate you telling me what I overheard about you and Alex. And I'd really like it not to be what I think I heard,” He heaved.

There was silence between us as I stared straight into Matt's eyes, just trying to find the best possible way of explaining what had happened between Alex and me on the beach in Florida. I could sugar coat it, I could lie, I could blame it all on Alex but the truth was, nothing would be right and in the end, I was still at fault. And I couldn't hurt Matt. But I knew that what I would tell him would break his heart, the heart of the only person who had stuck by me when he should have turned away from me on the street a year ago. Instead, he took me back, expressed his feelings, and I let him. I led him on. All because he was someone I could talk to, someone that required no question and mystery, he was familiar. And now I was single handedly breaking his heart into a million pieces all because I couldn't figure out what and who I wanted.

So I decided to tell him.

“In Florida, at the party, I was drunk out of my mind and...I ran after this person on the beach who turned out to be Alex...and we talked, civilly, and one thing led to another and we ended up kissing.”

“Bryan said..you two made out,” Matt said, his voice slowly becoming more heated.

“Yeah well, I figured I wouldn't phrase it like that,” I mumbled, tilting my head back so I could look at the ceiling; I really didn't want to see the sad and angered look on Matt's face as I broke his heart.

“But...you did,” He spat, standing up in front of the bed and pacing as he ran his fingers through his hair

I sighed, slowly nodding my head, “Yeah, I did.”

“Why?” He asked desperately, my head dropping to eye level as our eyes met, his burning with the question of what he could have possibly done wrong. There was a silence between us as Matt rolled his eyes, “Never mind, I probably have a good enough conclusion of my own.”

“It just...There was...We...,” Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair, shaking my head, coming up empty on a good enough explanation for Matt, “I don't even know. All I have for a excuse is that I was drunk but that's not a good enough excuse for what I did.”

Matt looked at me, his eyes scrutinizing me before dropping his head and finally coming to sit next to me on the bed, “Its all my fault,” Matt sighed, dropping his head.

My eyes widened at the sudden change in atmosphere,“No, Matt, its most definitely not your fault that I'm so fucked up,” I said, shaking my head.

“No, it is. If I had just...been there for you, helped you...I knew you were slipping away from me. I knew it ever since I walked away from you the first time on tour because of some stupid part of my job. I knew it was so wrong of me to bring you along but I was tired of you hiding from our friends and I was tired of having to lie to them...I was just...tired. And it was naïve of me to think that things would go back to normal and that you would be able to fend for yourself and its my fault that everything these passed few weeks has been nothing but shit for you and I'm sorry.”

“But its still my fault for kissing Alex. I think I would have noticed if you had pushed our heads together,” I chuckled, trying to make light of the situation.

“But, I think in the back of my mind that if I brought you along on tour...that would happen. Sure, it pissed me off to no end when he would give you those looks-”

“What looks?” I interrupted, my eyebrows scrunching together.

“Oh, come on, Jade, don't be stupid. He gives you those...loving looks all the time. When you're not looking, he stares at you like he used to back in high school. Everyone sees them. He still loves you but your dumb enough to look passed that!” Matt yelled, getting off of the bed, his feet beginning to pace as he ran his hands through his hair quickly, “He looks at you like you're the only person in the world, like you're everything to him then. He has the same look even when he's insulting you! I can't...” Matt's voice softened as he stopped at the end of the bed, his eyes finding mine with a sadness in them that nearly broke my own heart, “I can't look at you like that...and you can't look at me like that. I know you can't.”

Tears welled in my eyes as I swallowed the lump rising in my throat, “But I try.”

Matt nodded, his hands going to the back pockets of his jeans, “I know, Jade, I know...but we both know that its not enough...for us to keep being an 'us'.”

I closed my eyes, tears creeping from beneath my eyelashes as I took a deep breath, “I know.”

“We can't have a relationship built up on a fact that we can't...that we don't truly love each other,” Matt confessed, pushing his mouth to one side.

“So...you never loved me?” I whispered, my eyes opening as a tear continued to roll down my cheek.

Matt shrugged softly, his eyes downcast, “I don't know. I thought I did...but somewhere down the line...I think it was just me saying it to you to make you feel better...more of a friends thing....”

“So...we're just friends?” I asked, my eyebrows gather together in the middle of my forehead.

“Maybe. I mean, I want to be friends with you Jade, always have been, but we haven't really...shared anything together besides sex....though the sex is great, I don't think its enough to get us by as a legitimate couple.”

“I think you may have complimented me in bed just now,” I laughed, wiping away at my cheeks.

“I think it may have been,” Matt chuckled walking forward and sitting down next to me on the bed again, “But you get what I'm saying...right?”

I nodded, “Yeah. I'm awesome in bed, but its not enough to keep us together.”

“Right.”

“So...we're breaking up , but we're still friends?” I asked hopefully, raising an eyebrow in his direction with a small smile on my face.

Matt sighed, nodding his head as he looked over at me, “Yeah, we're still friends.”

I wanted smile, I wanted to rejoice how grateful I was that Matt still wanted to be friends with me even after all the shit I had put him through with Alex, it would only make sense for him to hate my guts. But he didn't. Well, if he did he had a really good way of masking his true feelings.

“There's a party going on in a couple of Mayday Parade's rooms. I think I'm gonna go down there and get a drink...or three.”

I nodded, “Yeah sure, I'll go too. You know, I don't think two people that just broke up with each other should sleep in the same bed...” I suggested, raising an eyebrow at Matt who nodded, chuckling ever so softly under his breath, pushing himself off the bed, myself following suit.

“Yeah, probably not the best idea,” He chuckled, shaking his head while his eyes strayed to look back up into mine. He didn't look heart broken but the glint in his eyes showed it all; I wanted to rip my own leg off just to try and copy the pain I was putting him through, just from that one look.

The two of us walked out of the hotel room in an awkward silence, my hand swinging freely by my side. It was weird to have my hand not feel the familiar weight of Matt's when we would be walking like this. I wasn't used to just...walking with him like this after all the time we had spent together as a couple. Everything was just so...awkward now and different that I couldn't help but wait to get into that party and drink myself silly.

In the elevator, I wanted to say something to Matt, try and make all of this somewhat normal but normalcy for Matt and I would have been making out against the wall of the elevator, whispering cute things to each other as we flirtatiously looked at one another. Normalcy back in high school was the occasional conversation that started awkwardly and ended basically the same; we hadn't been that close back then and I guess we were just reverting to old ways.

As the doors opened, we were greeted with a mostly empty lobby except for a few people pulling in luggage from their car and a younger woman at the main desk, a bubbly blond woman standing there with a smile on her face, her blue eyes shining.

“Hello,” She greeted, her bright teeth blinding me as I weakly smiled back, “And how can I help you?”

“We'd like to switch out room 206 for a two bedroom. Things...kinda changed,” Matt tightly smiled back, sliding the two key cards in the woman's direction.

She looked between us as she picked up the cards from off the desk, “Trouble in paradise?”

“You could say that again,” I mumbled, looking over at Matt as he nodded softly to himself.

“Well, I'd be happy to switch out these. There's a room down the hall with two beds. Room 217,” She grinned, pulling the key cards out and handing them to Matt who nodded his head.

“Thanks,” He said, pocketing the cards before turning back to me.

The second he turned around, his hand extended to hand me the new room key, I saw something change in Matt's eyes. It was almost like the anger I had been expecting during our discussion in the hotel room. He handed the key card to me, almost like it was red hot, burning his hand, and he wanted to get rid of the card as soon as possible.

“I think...I think I'm gonna skip out on the party tonight,” He mumbled, starting to walk toward the elevator without even a second glance. Quickly, I jogged after him, jumping into the elevator right before the doors closed. I knew he was angry, that was obvious, and he had every right so I knew I shouldn't push my luck with trying to say anything to comfort him. Once the doors closed, Matt hit the third floor button while I hit the second, the floor where the party would be going strong and hopefully the drinks were still in full stock; I would be needing a lot of alcohol to deal with this...but maybe not as much alcohol as Matt.

When the elevator doors opened, I stepped out into the hallway, starting to make my way toward Mayday Parade's party rooms just as the second elevator door opened to reveal a giggling an very hands on couple. Matt, who was still standing in the elevator, turned around just as I did to watch them as the boy, his brown hair messy like usual, mercilessly tickled his blond girlfriend.

Matt scoffed, shaking his head. This caught my attention immediately and being close enough to him I whispered a quiet “What?”

“I just got the reason why Bryan suddenly showed up,” He whispered, watching the couple as they whispered to each other, “It was because of what happened between you and...him, right?” Matt whispered, his words almost spitting from his mouth, his finger pointing at Alex who walked passed us next to his girlfriend, the two of them laughing at something shared between them.

I nodded slowly, “Yeah...I'm really, really sorry about that by the way,” I whispered apologetically, looking up at Matt, his face trying not to show off too many emotions.

“It bothers me, yeah of course. I'm not gonna lie about that, but the fact that he's practically flaunting how great he and Lisa are is a fucking stupid decision on his part. Especially considering that he's ruined a relationship and cheated on her.”

“With me.”

“Yes,” Matt nodded, looking down at me

From down the hall, Alex had caught my eye, his smile turning teasing, flaunting the fact that he was with someone as he placed a hard kiss on Lisa's mouth. Though she seemed to savor the kiss he gave her, his eyes never closed but remained focused on me, his gazed locked hard on mine.

As their kiss continued, I noticed Matt's attention with the couple as well, his eyes narrowed in disgust. He seemed to be clenching his teeth in a way that set my nerves on edge.

“Don't worry about it, Matt. I'm sure he'll get over himself eventually,” I whispered, trying to console him in a way that I knew wouldn't work. Why should he listen to me? He was probably angrier with Alex than with me and he already seemed pretty pissed.

“Hey, Matt!” A voice shouted causing the two of us to turn around to stare at Alex who was smirking in our direction. I clenched my eyes shut, silently begging Alex, for once in his life to keep his big mouth shut but of course luck wouldn't be on my side today, “Get it in man,” Alex mouthed sardonically, a sinister smirk on his lips as Lisa laughed, obviously taking it as a joke.

But Matt didn't.

Slowly, he turned to me, his breathing rugged as he grabbed my arm tightly in his hand, “I need a drink,” He whispered more to himself, silently bringing me closer and closer to the door where the party was surely raging. Just as I had opened the door, Matt let go of my arm, my eyes following him as he walked away, his shoulders tense and his hands clenched at his side. At an even pace, he made his way over to the couple Alex now pulling Lisa from the wall as his hand clamped over hers. Alex smiled at his friend, his eyebrow raised as he waited for harsh words.

But they never came from Matt's mouth.

As soon as he was within spitting distance of Alex, Matt's hand clenched and delivered a swift and definitely heavy punch to Alex's jaw with such force that the singer staggered backward, flopping ungracefully against the wall, his hand wrapped around his more than likely throbbing jaw.

Matt straightened himself up, continuing to look down at the disgruntled singer who lay looking up at his friend in a shocked manner, his brown eyes wide, “I think you know what that was for,” Matt said, nodding his head, “So you'll understand that we can still be friends, just that right now I hope your dick falls off.”

He turned back around then, walking passed the couple and coming to stand next to me, my jaw hanging open and eyes wide as he let out a long breath of air.

“I've wanted to do that for so long now, you have no idea,” Matt muttered, opening the door to the party and pushing passed me to probably find the large stash of alcohol somewhere inside.

Once Matt had disappeared, I looked back out into the hallway where Lisa was staring back at me, a more than confused look on her face before she turned to look at her boyfriend. But he wasn't looking at her, he was looking right back at me, a look of understanding on his face. And that's when I saw the look Matt had been talking about, the look of someone who only saw that one person, as if they were the only one in the room. And the was what I saw when the door shut on Alex's face.

-----------------------------

“So...do you want to room with Bryan? Because I could room with Jack if you want?” Matt suggested, turning to look at me once our overnight bags had been packed.

The party had ended for a few people after a while, some disappearing with a others in their grips but because Matt and I were no longer a couple, it seemed the perfect time to just...settle out our sleeping arrangements.

I shrugged, beginning to walk down the hall with him till we were in front of Bryan and Jack's room, “Sure. That sounds fine to me,” I mumbled, sending out a text message to Garrett, Rian and Jared to meet me in room 217 as soon as possible.

“Cool. Here's the new room keys for you and Bryan. I'll stay here with Jack,” He nodded, handing me the keys before knocking on the door. It was soon opened, Bryan standing there with a smile on his face that soon faded as he looked at the bag on my shoulder.

“Shit...Okay, I'll get my stuff,” Bryan said, looking between the two of us before letting Matt in, grabbing his bag quickly before closing the door. He stared at me for a moment before pulling me into a hug, “Its over, isn't it?” He asked, squeezing me just a little tighter.

I nodded, “Yeah....but we should get to our room because I have a whole hell of a lot to tell you.”

Bryan pulled away, inspecting the smile on my face before cocking an eyebrow, “I'm not sure why you're smiling but okay.” Grabbing my hand, we walked down the corridor just as Rian, Garrett and Jared came bustling in the hallway, expectant looks on their faces.

“Did someone die?” Garrett asked, eyes wide as he looked between Bryan and I, his eyes landing on our hands, “Are you two having an affair because if you are I must say that's kinda fucked up man, you got a baby on the way.”

“Oh my god Garrett, please shut your mouth,” Jared said, turning to look at his friend.

“Just saying,” Garrett defended as I laughed, dropping Bryan's hand before opening the door and letting myself and everyone else inside.

“I thought you were staying with Matt?” Rian said, jumping down onto one of the beds, Garrett following him soon after.

I nodded, “I was...” As I trailed off, the three boys seemed to catch on, all taking turns to look at one another.

“So you and Matt...” Jared trailed off, gesturing with his hand for me to continue what they basically already knew.

“We broke up, yes,” I finished, pulling my backpack off my shoulder and letting it fall to the floor.

“Why?” Garrett asked, sitting up on the bed so he could look at me.

“At the party in Florida,” I started, letting out a sigh as I ran my hand through my hair, “Alex and I kissed and things got...kinda heavy and Matt found out about it when I was telling Bryan a few minutes ago.”

“Ouch,” Jared hissed, his face contorting as if in pain.

“Yeah...but he surprisingly took it well,” I said impressively, nodding my head.

“Except for the fact that he broke up with you,” Garrett pointed out.

“I think it was mutual though,” I said, jumping onto the bed and bouncing lightly as I crossed my legs on the comforter.

“Are you all just going to look passed the fact that she said she and Alex made out?” Bryan exclaimed, waving his arms to get our attention.

“Well, it was bound to happen eventually,” Rian shrugged, Jared and Garrett nodding in agreement. Bryan sighed, shaking his head and walking over to his backpack.

“So...he's mega pissed at Alex right?” Garrett grinned, an eyebrow raised as he smiled.

I grinned, nodding my head, “You just walked right into the best part of the story,” I mused, smirking as I thought of the punch Matt made to Alex's jaw, “When we were downstairs switching out our room key for this room, but after we got the new keys, we went upstairs for the party. When we got out of the elevator, Alex and Lisa got out of the other one and started making out. Matt made some remark about how douchey Alex was and as we were walking away, Alex yelled out to Matt and Matt started walking toward him really calm and collected...and then he punched Alex.”

“What?!” All the boys shouted, smiles on their faces as they laughed.

I nodded, giggling as well, “Yeah, right in the jaw too! In fact, he punched him so hard, Alex fell over!”

“Oh my god, I would pay big to see that,” Garret laughed, clutching to his stomach as he fell back onto the bed.

“And the best part is,” I choked out, “Lisa was standing right there watching the whole thing happen with this what the fuck look on her face!”

Each boy guffawed with laughter as they imagined Lisa's face upon seeing her boyfriend knocked out by his tour manager.

“Serves him right. The dude needed a good punch to the face,” Rian laughed, “I mean, he's my friend and all, but seriously, that stick up his ass needed a repositioning.”

“If only Matt had punched him in the dick. That would have really set him straight,” Garrett chuckled, nodding his head.

“Funny you should say that...considering Gaskarth has a crooked dick,” Rian choked out as the rest of us burst out laughing once more.