I Believe in Yesterday

Jade's POV

The next morning, I woke up with the blankets of my bed tangled around my feet and my hand halfway between the opening of my mouth and my nostril. I didn't know how on Earth I ended up in this position but from the laughter I heard in the next bed, I knew I wouldn't be able to keep this odd awakening a secret.

“Oh, my God!” Bryan gasped, clutching his stomach as he doubled over in laughter, “I told you! You kept rolling around like the bed was on fire!” He choked out, flopping backward onto the bed, his hands grabbing desperately to his stomach as he wheezed with laughter.

“Shut up, whore,” I grumbled, trying to unwrap my legs from the bed sheets without much progress; they stayed stuck to the covers causing Bryan to laugh harder. Glaring at my friend, I picked up the pillow underneath my head, whipping it over on top of him, his laughter never ceasing. Finally pulling my feet from the blankets, I pushed myself out of my bed and climbed over to Bryan's, slapping open areas while he tried to defend himself amongst his laughter.

The opening was fast and so were my reflexes as I balled my hand into a fist, delivering a swift punch to Bryan's crotch causing a grunt to escape his mouth and nearly all movements on his part to cease, including the laughter.

With a large grin, I climbed off of Bryan's bed, looking down at the groaning boy, his hands clutching at the front of his jeans.

“Serves you right, asshole,” I nodded, turning on my heel to grab my backpack before heading into the bathroom to change.

As soon as the door was closed, I pulled out a pair of jean shorts, an old Iron Maiden tank top and red plaid flannel that I rolled the sleeves to about my elbow. After getting dressed, I pulled my hair into a ponytail before grabbing my eyeliner and looking at myself in the mirror, a small smile coming to lips as I thought about a memory from two years ago, one that had made me cringe before.

“Don't do that.”

“What? Make myself actually look nice?”

Alex smiled, pulling me closer to him and kissing my lips quickly, “You look nice no matter what.”

Before, when I had thought about that day when everyone had found out where Alex had been disappearing to, I had tried to push it away, tried to forget. But I had finally admitted to myself what all those warm feelings I had once felt really meant. The moments where I had felt the tingle in my toes that later ignited my whole body through the small kiss we shared in the rain to the day I remembered Alex hovering over me, his shirt missing as he stared intently into my eyes. I had stopped lying to myself and let my heart and mind concur, concluding that I was, in fact, in love with Alex, that nothing I had felt had been a lie, that anything he had felt hadn't been a lie. Everything we had done and said was something that was driven for how we felt when we were together.

It felt weird, admitting that I had fallen in love with someone when in high school. Everyone always said that those feelings of love in high school weren't the real thing, that they were what we thought were the real thing. But everything I had felt then for Alex was exactly how I felt for him now and how I hoped he still felt about me. I guess, in a way, it was sort of ironic how everyone always said that high school romances were just acts of puppy love, how it wasn't the real deal. But, it was different for the two of us: we had found out exactly what love was at the ripe age of eighteen and I was still in love with him...and hopefully he was still in love with me.

It was probably wrong to feel so strongly about him when he was still in a relationship with someone, but after my conversation with Lisa, everything felt like it would fall into place, like it was supposed to.

When I had finished brushing my teeth and my hair was tucked strategically into a gray beanie to cover up my blond roots, I opened the door to find Bryan talking on his cell phone, a humongous smile on his face as he pulled at the hem of his red and white baseball tee.

“So when's the doctor's appointment?” He asked, turning to look at me lifting his hand to flip me off as I giggled, dumping my backpack on the ground, “No, I wanna be there. I'll be there as soon as possible.”

I smiled as I watched Bryan plan out his future with someone he had fallen in love with as quickly as I had. Lisa's words of how everyone had their own type of perfect rang through my head as I looked at Bryan, his grin widened as he whispered sweet words to his pregnant girlfriend who was miles and miles away, probably sitting at home waiting for him to come back.

I had been so scared that the perfect world Alex and I had created would be terminated by something so silly as admitting feelings but here Bryan was, still staying and still in love with Angela when something like pregnancy had disrupted their idea of perfect. But maybe it hadn't distinguished their perfect world at all? Maybe it had just added on?

Maybe that's what Lisa had meant when she said perfect was only what we made it be. Maybe Alex's and my feelings becoming stronger for one another wasn't ruining our definition of perfect, it was only adding on, making us stronger. But I had pulled away before we could see what happened, if we could have made it through.

I waved to Bryan, signaling that I was leaving and he nodded as I grabbed my wallet and key card, pulling open the door amidst my friend's words of love to his girlfriend on the other line.

Walking down the hall, a small smile on my face as I got into the elevator and traveled down the stairs to get something to eat.

“-its totally obvious!” A loud voice pounded into my ears and the familiarity of the high pitched, woman's voice caused my eyes to widen. Slowly, I walked around the corner just to confirm who I had already known was speaking; Lisa stood outside of the hotel, her hands extended on either side of her as she stared intently at the shaggy haired singer, the same boy we had spoken about the night before.

Alex ran a hand through his hair and spoke softly to her, his eyes pleading as Lisa nodded and they walked away, starting to walk more toward where the buses were parked.

I don't know if it was just curiosity or the small pull in the back of my chest that made me forget about the hunger nestled in the bottom of my stomach and let my feet work their way slowly behind the couple standing a few feet from one another.

Without them catching sign of me, I darted behind Every Avenue's van, watching as Lisa stopped Alex from heading onto the bus, shaking her head as she softly placed her hand on his upper arm.

Alex sighed, “Lisa...we've been through this a thousand times-”

“Well, now its a thousand and one. I'm going to repeat myself one more time and you'll finally understand what I mean!” Lisa said sternly, placing her hand back at her side as Alex ran another hand through his hair, ruffling the strands atop his head; a nervous habit of his that I had noticed all that time ago when we would skip math to hang out at the field till the end of the school day.

Sighing, Alex dropped his hands to his side and shoved them into the back pockets of his skinny jeans, “I understand what you say, Lisa, its just...I don't believe it. Things can't just...go back to how they were. Its not that simple.”

“Oh god, you two are one in the same,” She grumbled, rolling her eyes as she fixed her bangs.

“What are you talking about?”

There was silence as Lisa stared at Alex, debating with herself about only something I would know about: our conversation from the night before.

Finally, she spoke, “You two...are just so...similar its ridiculous.”

“That's not what you meant.”

“Yeah, well, its hard to think of an excuse right away.”

“Come on, Lisa, don't lie to me,” Alex whispered, moving forward slightly, his arms extending to touch her shoulders.

“Fine,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest, “I don't wanna feel like you come back to me when things are hard for you.”

There was silence again as Alex stared at her, his mouth slightly parted, his eyebrows scrunched together softly. “What?” He asked quietly.

“I just,” Lisa started, her voice softening, “you and I break up and get together so often I just...I'm starting to think you come back to me when its convenient and when you can't get the girl you really want.”

There was silence again as Alex stared at her, his eyebrows still knit together in the middle of his forehead, his eyes showing off exactly how he felt: confused, nervous, and guilty.

“I don't know what to say...” He trailed off, his gaze falling to the ground as he shuffled his foot around on the gravel of the parking lot.

“I do,” she answered, her voice picking up a little volume, “You still love her and its obvious to anyone that has eyes. I mean, come on, Alex, I'm not eighteen anymore. I'm not that girl you dated in high school that watched you and her sitting outside that stupid little venue. I'm not naïve anymore, Alex. I understand things, I get things. But what I don't get is why you continue to pretend that what we have together is actually something.”

Alex's jaw dropped as well as mine as I watched Lisa's shoulders move up and down in heated breaths from the words she had so obviously wanted to say for a very long time.

“I-”

“Don't even try to interrupt and deny that you aren't in love with her and that you're in love with me because it won't work. I know you, Alex. I've known you for...a while now and lying to me is the last thing you want to do right now. I can see how you feel when you look at her. You never look at me like that and I know why. Everyone knows why. Even Jade knows why.”

Alex's eyes stared intently into hers, “Yeah, Jade might know but she doesn't care.”

A small smile fell on Lisa's lips, the curve in the corners of her mouth barely noticeable but I had seen them, “That's just thing, Lex...she does care.”

“What makes you say that?” Alex asked cautiously, his voice dropping again in what I could almost make out as anticipation.

“Because...we talked yesterday.”

“...You and Jade?”

“Yeah, is that so strange?”

Alex shrugged, “Kinda.”

“You need to talk to her, Lex. And I don't mean insulting her, yelling at her, or glaring at her. I mean actually talking to her with words that you actually mean because I know that every insult you threw at her was a stupid, cruel lie.”

I watched as Alex pushed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, the skin bulging slightly as he thought, one of his hands pushing through his hair again, “They seemed like the right thing at the time...”

“Because she hurt you. So what? Get over yourself,” She rolled her eyes though I could hear the underlying tone of sarcasm as she pushed his shoulder softly causing the singer to chuckle under his breath.

“I can try but its hard to get over something this pretty,” He joked, motioning to his body.

The two laughed for a bit before the air between them settled into something that seemed a little more awkward than normal and the smiles dropped from their faces.

“So...what happens now?” Alex asked, his voice dropping as he stared at Lisa, a sigh emitting from her mouth.

“I think...we should end this,” She whispered, wringing her hands in front of her torso before looking back up at the singer, his eyes staring intently into hers before he nodded.

“Its probably best...I think we kind of established that we aren't good enough for each other...well, more like I'm not good enough for you,” He mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

“That's not what I meant at all,” She retorted, placing a small hand on his shoulder, “You just...I'm just not the one for you and you're not the one for me.”

“Yeah well, its basically the same thing,” he sighed, a small, half smile coating his lips.

“Its not, but whatever floats your boat,” She smiled back, her lips only curving up as much as before.

I felt bad for intruding on their conversation, to watch the emotion running through them as they sad goodbye to their relationship once more, again over the same girl as before: me. I didn't want to intrude, to watch as Alex and Lisa hugged, and I certainly didn't want to feel the sting of green jealousy as his lips pressed against her forehead tenderly; a final farewell. I didn't want to feel the small excitement in the bottom of my stomach as Lisa whispered for him to find me, to tell me everything they had talked about before; words that I obviously had missed before seeing them outside the hotel.

“Jade!”

And I certainly didn't want Alex to see me as he looked from my twin sister's running form, following her gaze to the spot I was crouched down in, his eyes burning with a look that I knew all too well. It was that look that Lisa had talked about, that Matt had talked about, that everyone had mentioned. The look that sent chills through every inch of my spine, that caused my toes to tingle and my fingertips to vibrate with that feeling that I had missed, that feeling that only through that single look of Alex's could send my body into a fit of tiny flames.

A small smile fell on his lips as he continued to stare at me before turning away and walking back toward the hotel as Bailey landed in front of me.

“Jade, we have a problem,” She panted, her phone clutched in her hand but I couldn't help watch as Alex, the boy who had tortured me so much on the tour was walking backward, his eyes still on me as he smiled crookedly in my direction, the look of someone who knew everything that I didn't.

“What is it, Bailey?” I asked, turning my attention back to my sister as she stood upright, her phone so tightly held in her hand that her knuckles were starting to turn white.

“Its Clara,” She finally said, her solemn expression scaring me and causing my eyes to widen in fear.

“What's wrong with her? Is she alright? Will she be alright?” I frantically asked, moving a little closer to Bailey, my face slowly starting to drain of color as my mind thought of all the worst case scenarios it could.

“She's in the hospital. There's been and accident,” She said, her grip on her phone tightening.

“Is she alright?” I asked again, feeling my body constrict in anticipation.

“She's got a few broken bones but she should be alright,” Bailey said, nodding her head but I knew there was something else she wasn't telling me.

“What is it, Bailey?” I slowly asked, hoping that what she had to say wasn't something too gruesome, something that wouldn't turn my stomach in worry for my aunt's condition.

“I'm...I'm going back to Lutherville,” she muttered, her grip loosening on her phone and her eyes gauging my reaction.

I didn't know what to think. My mind was flooding with a thousand emotions, reactions. She wanted to go back? The only thing I could think of was that going back and forth between cities was my thing. Everything we had gone through on tour, her reactions to my being back and her ignoring of my very being throughout the entire journey of the passed weeks lead me to believe that she never wanted to speak to me again, that we were finished as friends and confidants. But here she was, confiding in me her plan to return to one of the family members that had lent us a place to say, a place that brought us closer together.

Maybe this was what we needed; we needed to go back, to be with Clara and take care of her together, an activity that would surely bring us back together. Maybe she wanted me to come along. Maybe she wanted us to be closer again.

Maybe, maybe she needed me just as much as I needed her.

“I'm coming with you,” I nodded, reaching out my hands to grip her shoulders as she looked right back at me, her green eyes reflecting in my own.

“Okay,” She whispered, nodding her hand as she placed her phone into her pockets, my hands falling back to my sides as we walked back into the hotel to gather together our things.

-----------------

“I can't believe you're leaving me,” Garrett pouted as he grabbed me strongly in his grasp, holding me firmly against his chest. I laughed softly, my arms going around his back as I tried to put as much strength into my hug as he was putting into his.

“It had to happen eventually, Gary,” I chuckled, pulling away to look into his strikingly blue eyes that seemed to reflect how much he was going to miss me.

“The last few days of tour are gonna suck now that you're not here,” He mumbled, his arms still wrapped around the lower part of my back.

“Of course, I mean, I bring the party,” I joked, rolling my eyes as he laughed, pulling me back into another hug just as groan fell from somewhere behind us.

“Come on, Garrett, don't be a Jade hog,” Pat whined, his foot stomping on the ground as I laughed.

“I can be whatever I want, Pat!” He yelled, jokingly glaring at his friend.

I slowly pulled away from Garrett, his arms falling to his side as he pushed his mouth to the side, “Go hang with your boy toy, Gare.”

“He's not my-” His words stopped short in his throat as I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his cheek causing the bassist to grin like no tomorrow, “Alright. He's my boy toy as long as I get more of those.”

Laughing, I pushed his exaggerated fish lips away from face, shaking my head as I made my way toward the jumping and smiling Pat who attacked me in hugs immediately. This went on for a while as I said goodbye to the rest of The Maine, hugging them all with promises of frequent calls to make up for years of not knowing one another.

Finally, I got to Jared, his ever present, toothless grin meeting me as I smiled back at him, rushing into his arms, my own wrapping around his neck as squeezed me just enough.

“I'm gonna miss you, Jay,” He said, pulling away and stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“I think I'm gonna miss you most...other than Garrett,” I laughed, my throat constricting as I smiled back at him.

“Oh god, you're gonna cry, aren't you?”

“No,” I mumbled, the tears that I had tried to suppress slowly slipping down my cheeks as Jared chuckled softly, pulling me into his chest once more.

“Its fine, Jay. I'm actually glad you cried because it makes me feel awesome that my goodbye brought you to tears.”

“You like the fact that you make me cry?”

“...Well, when you put it like that no one sounds good.”

I laughed shaking my head and wiping away a few tears as I pulled away, looking up Jared with my smile still planted on my face, “Thank you,” I whispered, watching as his toothless grin fell on his lips once again, “Thank you so much, Jared.”

“No problem. Just know, I'm always here for you,” I nodded, hugging him once more before going over to where the All Time Low boys stood, Bailey having already given them hugs. Melanie and Lisa, who had also decided to come along, stood by the bags, talking softly to one another.

“Say hi to Kara for me, will you?” Rian smiled pulling me into a bear hug.

I nodded, “I will. We plan on hanging out when I get back anyway.”

“Good.”

I moved onto Jack who hugged me hard, picking me up off the ground and twirling me around before letting me stand up once more on my own two feet.

“Promise you won't find someone better looking than me while you're away,” Jack scolded, wagging his finger in front of my face though a small smile was slowly creeping up his lips.

“As long as you don't find anyone as good looking as Melanie while I'm away.”

“Shut up,” Jack mumbled, that light blush shining on his cheeks as I laughed, walking over to quickly hug Zack and the rest of the crew, Matt pulling me into a small hug that lasted merely a second before he nodded and walked off with Greico, the two of them talking as they went onto the bus.

“Hey,” I said, hugging Bryan.

“Hey, yourself,” He said, returning my hug before we both pulled away.

“So, when does your flight leave?”

“Tomorrow,” Bryan replied, messing up his bangs in front of his eyes before softly biting down on his lip ring, “Jack says we're gonna have a 'sleepover' and, no lie, I'm actually pretty frightened.”

I laughed, shaking my head, “No worries. Jack usually passes out after the junk food come out. Just play a movie and he'll be out like a light.”

“Sounds like solid advice,” Bryan nodded before grinning back at me, pulling me into one more hug before I was left standing in front of the only person that I hadn't anticipated standing there, his hands shoved in his pockets as he stared at me.

“Uh,” Alex started, his voice quiet as I stared at him, waiting for something to happen; I'm to sure what I wanted to happen but I know I wanted something more than a stuttered word, “Tell Clara...that I hope she feels better. And that things work out for her soon.”

I nodded, “I will.”

A silence filled between us as we stood there, not sure of where to go from here. Just as I was about to walk away, sure that Alex was done speaking to me, he slowly walked toward me, his arms tentatively opened, his eyes transfixed on my own, almost asking permission for the first civil physical contact we had had in....weeks.

Slowly, I walked toward him, meeting him in the hug as his arms were loosely holding me, not sure whether or not to pass the boundary that we had just opened up again.

Finally, I pulled away, looking up into Alex's eyes as he awkwardly cleared his throat, nodding his head before walking away, his feet trailing into the bus and then he was gone.

“Let's go! I want to get Dunkins at the airport!” Melanie screamed, Lisa laughing behind her hand next to the disgruntled brunette.

“Alright, let's kick it,” I nodded, waving to all the boys, their hands frantically waving back as I grabbed my bag, following my sister to the taxi that we had rented for the ride.

As I sat in the back seat of the taxi, I watched as Garrett frantically waved toward me, his grin brightening his blue eyes as they shined through the glass of the yellow car. I watched as Jared smiled, his hand moving back and forth with that all knowing look in his eyes. I would miss them because they had truly changed me back to who I wanted to be, made me realize what I wanted to be.

But what truly stuck in my mind from that day was the look I caught from the messy haired singer from the bus window, the tiny flames lighting my whole body all the way back to Maryland.