I Believe in Yesterday

Jade's POV

A pot clambered to floor from what I assumed to be the kitchen as I groaned, rolling over onto my side into what should have been another body. A warmer body than mine was. And yet there was nothing. My eyes slowly slid open as I searched the empty space what I knew wasn't there to see the crumpled sheets thrown to the side with the indent of hat once was a head on the fluffy white pillow beside me. It still smelled like him and that fact alone brought a smile to my face.

I rolled over again, but this time onto my back and I grinned up at the ceiling with the blankets wrapped up to my chest. I grasped onto the warmth that flowed between the cotton of the mattress and the comforter, my tank top and pajama short clad body sandwiched in between. I surveyed the room around me, taking in the dark beige walls with the various pictures scattered along the four walls. The oak dresser in the corner matched the bedside tables and bed that had resided in the house ever since its purchase.

Another crash sounded from the kitchen and I groaned once more, rolling over again as I ripped the blankets from my body and steadied myself on my feet, blinking rapidly as I did: mornings were never my thing. The carpet molded around my heels and toes as I walked the short distance to the dresser, taking in my appearance in the mirror. Just as I had expected, the same as every morning: hair askew, eye makeup I hadn't bothered to take off smudged deeply into the crevices of my eyes, and sleep attire crumbled and disheveled from tossing the night before.

I shrugged off the tank top and pulled off the shorts before tugging on a white v-neck, blue and green plaid flannel to pair with my tattered and ripped skinny jeans. I finger combed my hair, pushing my bangs to the side before lining my eyes in black with a little mascara.

“Don't do that.”

“What? Make myself actually look nice?”

Alex smiled, pulling me closer to him and kissing my lips quickly, “You look nice no matter what.”

My body shivered as I quickly shook the thoughts from my mind, capping my eyeliner and taking in my appearance.

“Good enough,” I muttered, saluting my reflection before walking out of the bedroom and into the hallway.

Another crash sounded along with a mumbled 'fuck' and a giggle attached. I rolled my eyes, continuing own the hall as I looked at the pictures along the walls and doors leading to various rooms: bedroom, bathroom, office, closet. Finally, I reached the end of the hallway where the space opened into the living room and on my right, the kitchen. I turned my attention to the latter, peering in through the large opening in the wall that almost seemed like a window though it was really a counter with chairs on the outside so I and whoever else pleased, could tease the person making food on the other side.

“Fucking hell. Damn these fucking eggs to oblivion,” The male voice caused a smile to form on my face and I took in his straight brown hair, most hanging down into his eyes as he looked at the pan in his hands, the contents burned and charred to complete disparity.

“I can't believe you managed to screw up scrambled eggs, the single most easy breakfast food to make,” The female's voice was full of controlled laughter as she smiled over at the brown-haired boy before her, her light brunette hair and grinning hazel eyes. The boy looked up, a playful glare in his blue eyes as he crinkled his nose slightly at the girl, the action only accentuating the pale freckles across his nose.

“Lies. Toast is the easiest.”

“But you burned that, too,” She laughed, placing her hands on her stomach as she howled with the pure amusement of teasing the boy.

“Shut the fuck up before I...” The girl continued to laugh as a smile crossed his face, lip ring moving along with his mouth, “I can't think of anything.”

“You two are so fucking loud in the morning,” I chuckled slightly through my words as their heads whipped toward mine with smiles on their lips.

“Really? You should have heard us last night,” The boy said as he winked in my direction, the girl beside him slapping his arm with a small smile still on her lips.

“Bryan, that was gross.”

“That's not what you were saying last night-”

“Okay!” I yelled, interrupting the two as I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling out the milk. Bryan smirked as he pushed his hair out of his eyes, walking toward me and embracing me in a hug. I laughed, returning the embrace before breaking away, meeting the small brunette in a light hug. “What are you guys doing today?”

“Well,” Bryan began, walking out the kitchen and taking a seat on one of the stools on the other side, “I have work at...noon and Angela has class in about half an hour so I'm gonna drive her then come back so we can chill.”

“Are you taking that nursing test today?” I asked, grabbing the cereal from a cabinet and pouring it into an empty bowl as I looked over at Angela, finally taking in the scrubs she was attired in.

She nodded, “Yeah. If I pass this then I can start working more hours at the hospital and then after that I can finally just work there.” I smiled, pouring the milk into my bowl and getting a spoon from the drawer as I walked to sit next to Bryan who was messing with his hair.

“You can do it, Angie, no problem,” He smiled, leaning forward as Angela smiled, meeting him halfway for a brief kiss.

Bryan Hunter had been my friend for years but I hadn't really begun to appreciate his friendship until after the death of my older brother. He had been the only one to let me just vent when I needed even though I never really did any serious mourning until I had left my old hometown of Essex, New Jersey and gone to a place called Lutherville, Maryland where everything changed. For the better? I still didn't know. Back in high school, Bryan, myself and a girl named Mandy Greenwood ruled the school with an iron fist and attitudes that begged to be differed with. We were known for the fights we attended, participated in, and started at that school and it was exactly that reputation that sent me right back from Lutherville to Essex in the end, right back onto the welcoming shoulder of Bryan.

He let me stay with him for a while and introduced me to the girl he had been dating a few months prior, Angela Lawrence. She was sweet, funny, and sarcastic so I had no problem warming up to her. Ni a way, she filled that small void I left wide open because she reminded me so much of the person I had known my whole life. The hair, the laugh, the demeanor, everything about her was so much like my sister, Bailey. Except for the eyes, Bailey and Angela could have passed off as twins better than I ever could. Bailey and I were too different and I knew that but it was those differences that seemed to have really killed us in the end, right up to the point where I left with very hurtful words thrown at her and harsh words of truth filling my mind.

I knew she was better off without me now, I wasn't as dumb as I let on. She was probably studying art or some fancy degree that would land her a killer job with lots of salary.

It sure beat what I was doing with my life.

Managing a music store part time and the other half filling out paperwork with lots of phone calls thrown in.

I placed my chin in my hand as I shoveled another spoonful of cereal into my mouth, chewing slowly as Bryan got up from his chair.

“Okay, we gotta go,” He muttered, walking back into the kitchen and taking his girlfriend's hand in his own.

I nodded, watching as they started to make their way to the front door, “Hey,” my voice stopped them as they turned around, looking at me expectantly, “have you seen-”

“He's in the office, talking on the phone to someone. Business, I'm guessing,” Bryan shrugged.

I nodded once more, sighing, “Then he'll need me to help him out with some paperwork.” Bryan and Angela nodded before waving goodbye. I got up from my chair as the front door closed shut and made my way back into the hallway.

The office door was closed and I listened closely for the sound of that familiar voice.

“I don't care what he says, you tell him he needs to be ready regardless of how much shit he has...how much shit is it?” I chuckled lightly, pushing my ear closer to door as the pause broke, “No. Absolutely not...Because he's not allowed to bring a dog...That's a dumb question, dude, and you know it...of course you can tell him that I said that because I know I'll get shit for it anyway...Well, I'm in charge so there.” There was another pause and I took that as my opportunity to open the door and walk inside.

The office wasn't really an office but more like a smaller spare bedroom. We hadn't actually decorated it so on a normal basis it was just plain with its bare white walls, cluttered computer desk with a laptop on top, and a couple chairs with various materials scattered on the seat. But in the current situation, their were cables covering the floor and duffel bags with some more cables throw inside, the tops left unzipped for more things to be thrown in.

The computer chair was occupied at the moment and all I could see was the top of his disheveled head of dark brown hair which his hand was placed on top of while the other cradled the phone to his ear.

I crossed the room and placed my head on his shoulder, kissing the skin of his neck as I felt his cheeks widen in a grin at the action.

“Listen, just get packed and I'll talk to you later, okay?...Alright, bye.” He pulled the phone from his ear, clicking the end button before turning the chair around to face me. His hands gripped onto my waist as he pulled me forward and into his lap, my legs straddling each side of his own, the two of us facing each other while sitting comfortably in the computer chair. He smiled up at me, his green eyes crinkling slightly as he moved his head slowly toward my own. I grinned, leaning down as our lips attached for our first kiss of the day. The metal of his lip ring clashed with the warm feeling of the skin around it and I picked my hands up from my sides, pushing my fingers through his dark hair, our mouths moving together fluidly.

Finally we both pulled away, continuing to smile at one another as our foreheads rested against the others.

“Hey,” He mumbled, brushing his lips against mine in a way that sent chills up and down my spine.

“Hey yourself,” I breathed against his mouth, pecking his lips quickly before pulling back fully.

“Did Bryan and Angela leave yet?” He asked, rubbing my flannel clad sides.

I nodded, “Yeah. Bryan has work at noon so he's coming back in a few.”

He nodded, “Okay. Well, did you eat yet?”

Now it was my turn to nod again, “Yup. I had some cereal because Bryan burned the eggs...again.”

He laughed, “That guy can't seem to make food to save his life.”

“Which is why we should all be thankful that Angie is such a perfect match for our loveable but completely useless friend.”

He chuckled once more before pressing his lips to mine again, my eyes closing as a sigh sounded from my mouth.

“You mean so much to me, Jade,” He mumbled into my lips as the kiss continued.

I couldn't help but smile as my hands intertwined within his dark brown tresses, “You have no idea.”

The male pulled back, his smile pushing his lip ring further to the side of his face as he rubbed my sides once more, “I love you, I hope you know that,” he whispered, looking deeply into my eyes as I sighed, the guilty look washing over my face, “and I know that you don't know how you feel but I promise that that won't change how I feel about you. Even if it takes you a thousand years to say it or never at all, but just know I care about you.”

I smiled, kissing him quickly as my eyes darted back and forth between his, “I know.”

“Good,” He smiled up at me with that emotion in his eyes I had learned to let grow on me: the feeling of being loved and have someone love me.

“And just know, I care about you a whole hell of a lot.”

“I figured it was why I'm still around.”

“You were always around for me, Matt. You always have even when everyone else knew I was stupid and wrong,” My face fell in sadness as I thought back to the last moments with my sister, the one the boy I now sat on still talked to and communicated with regularly.

“Hey,” My chin was tugged in his direction gently as he looked up at me with sincerity in his eyes, “I will always be there for you, no matter what. You know why?”

“I have an idea but, sure, surprise me,” I chuckled softly, as he smiled up at me.

He let out a few small chuckles of his own before replying, “Because I care about you enough to look passed your flaws.”

I grinned, leaning forward and attaching our lips in a more passionate kiss then before as his arms wrapped around my waist and my body was pulled closely to his so there was almost no space between us.

It was moments like these I never regretted coming back to Maryland with Bryan and Angela to try and salvage some relationship with my sister. It didn't matter to me in these small passionate moments that she had gone with the boys I had called friends to help record their first full length album. But it made me remember running into Matt Flyzik on the walkway in front of the old house I once called home and the look on his face as he recognized me through the nose ring, freshly dyed brunette hair, and tattoos covering my wrists, foot, and collarbone. I remembered how we talked for a couple months after that before Bryan, Angela and I moved to Lutherville with Matt into a house farthest away from everyone we knew. That's when Matt and I decided to try out a date that ended up spawning into another date before we both realized that we could really make this work.

That was two years ago.

And here I was, kissing the boy I had befriended two and a half years ago along with his younger sister and the boys he tour managed 9 months out of the year while living in the same state, the same town as my sister who I hadn't spoken to in the same amount of time.

How would they react when they found out that the girl who had run away years ago with physical and emotional baggage on her back was in town kissing the lips of the boy they spent nearly every day with?

Matt pulled away, staring into my eyes with the same grin as before, tapping my sides as I slid off his lap and onto solid ground, his body pushing out the computer chair. Our hands attached, our fingers clutching together as he kissed my forehead, my eyes slowly trailing up to his as the green orbs darted over to a stack of papers on the desk.

“Tour stuff?” I asked, reaching around him to grab the stack, detaching my hand in the process as I thumbed through the many worded pages.

Matt nodded, “Yeah. Its the first big headliner so the boys want everything to be perfect.”

“What's it called again?” I asked, not once missing the tone he always used when a statement he dished out had a duel meaning and I was no stranger to this one in particular: he wanted me to come along.

“The Compromising of Integrity, Morality, and Principles in Exchange for Money Tour.”

“That's a mouthful.”

“Yeah well, its not my idea on what to name it.”

“Well, who came up with it?”

There was a long pause and I finally looked up at Matt who was staring at me with that look that made me backtrack everything I had said, my mind freezing on the name I could no longer say with a lump forming in my throat and pain in my chest from the slight guilt I felt.

“Oh.”

“Yeah...Let's not get into that,” Matt rubbed the back up his neck, fiddling with the back of his hair before taking half the stack of papers, “You know, I'll really need a lot of help on this tour-”

“No, Matt.”

“Come on, Jade. You're basically my assistant tour manager from home but this will be a lot more paperwork on the road I'll need help dealing with,” Matt begged, placing the papers on the desk and grabbing my hands in his pulling me steadily closer and closer to him.

“Then get someone to help you.”

“Who? I don't have time to find someone as amazing and good looking as you.”

“I didn't say they had to be good looking, I just said you could get someone else to help.”

“But it wouldn't be you.”

That got me. Maybe it was the look in his eyes as he stared at me or the way his face was so close to my lips I could feel the warmth of his breath beating against my skin sending chills down my back. Maybe it was the fact that I wanted so badly to kiss him at that moment but knew I had to retain some self control in order to get my way.

But I didn't have enough to hold myself back when his hands slowly brought up the hem of my t-shirt, the pads of his fingers lightly trailing up the skin of my sides. So I kissed him hard, feeling him chuckle into my lips as his hands grasped softly on the bare skin of my curves, my body pulled flush against his chest.

He knew he had me. All it took was one touch and I melted into him.

“You're coming,” He mumbled into my lips, our mouths continuing to work against the others.

“I know,” I responded, trying to focus on the kiss as it heated my entire body like I knew it to do but I couldn't concentrate on that solely.

I couldn't help but let the image of a certain coffee-haired boy with a fallen face full of sadness infiltrate my mind making my whole body fill with guilt for letting that be the last time I had seen Alex Gaskarth.