The Other Side of the World

*knock, knock*
“Hi Liam.” I stood at the door in my pajamas. “4am, right on time.” I smiled at him.

“Ready?” He handed me my hot chocolate.

“Can we just sit on the balcony tonight? I want to just look over the skyline.”

“Sure.” We both walked to the back of the room trying not to make too much noise. Though I don’t think Zach was ever asleep at this time. I think he was always just faking it. But who knows I guess.

We took our seats as usual and sat in silence for a bit. I didn’t really know what to say, which was weird because conversations with Liam and I were usually never ending and nonstop. But tonight was a little different.

“Hey, you wanna come sit with me?” Liam broke the silence.

“Us on one chair? Are you sure?” I said getting up.

“Come on.” He held his arms open and let me sit on his lap. I sat there in his arms with my head on his shoulder. I felt safer than I have before in a really long time.

We didn’t talk much at all. I played with his hands while he looked over the horizon once more. I felt his lips kiss my forehead and as it did I closed my eyes and took in the moment. His arms still wrapped around me, holding my like a delicate baby, I took a deep breath smelling his natural scent while the light wind blew.

He looked down at my playing with his hands, my scar was visible now. He lightly traced it with his finger sending chills up my entire body.

“You regret it?” He simply asked me.

“On my good days I do.” I said quietly.

“And the other days?”

“I look at it as a mistake I’m still learning from.”

“Do you ever…. Are you ever tempted to do it again?” It got quiet while he waited for answer.

“Liam, do you want to know another secret?” I got him and stood in front of him.

“You know your secrets are always safe with me.”

I lifted up my shirt revealing a huge scar under my left rib cage. He looked at me confused and wondered what happened. “This is why Zach cares about me so much. This is why he’s always there for me.”

“Kaylin, what do you mean?” I grabbed his hand and let him touch it. His cold hand gave me chills once more. “What happened?”

“I was 14. Zach was 16. His parents were had gone up to LA for the weekend and we were left at home to watch Vic. Zach had just gotten his licenses that same week and well his parents left the car just for a emergency.” I walked to the railing with my head down trying to collect everything that was going on in my head. I took a deep breath. “Zach and I decided to take the car just for a little drive. It was late, and we weren’t supposed to be out, but we did it anyway.”

He got up and stood next to me. He didn’t say a word; he was just waiting for me to finish.

“We ended up just getting some food and it was passed curfew. So as we were heading back, some jerk ran a red light and completely hit us. Fortunately the car hit the back end of our car. But from impact Zach broke his arm. And well as we spun out, the front of our car hit a pole. Glass broke everywhere. And this is where this is from.” I lifted my shirt up once more. “I had a huge glass chunk flew right there. And I broke three ribs. We were rushed to the hospital and Zach of course was freaking out.

“I was unconscious for the rest of the night. I woke up the next morning with Zach sitting next to me and his parents furious but relieved. Yeah, we were ground for 6 months after that…”

“So what happened from then?” He asked grabbing my hand.

“Zach promised to never let anything happened to me again after that. Car accidents… after my parents died; then this. He feels as if it’s himself to blame for my breakdowns; which they aren’t. And I feel horrible about it. Zach has done nothing but nice things for me. And a lot of people don’t see that.”

“Does anyone know about the accident?”

“Everyone does. All the guys do. But we don’t talk about it. Ever. It hits Zach really hard. He doesn’t drive much anymore. Not like he needs to. But when we’re home, Cameron or Nathan drives us everywhere. Or at least after that night. Zach won’t drive anywhere if I’m in the car.”

“It’s traumatized him pretty bad huh?”

“Yeah and we’re all working on it. It’s been 4 years, but it’s still hard.” The sun was about to rise, so Liam walked back to sit in the chair and gestured once more to sit on his lap. “I think he thinks I still hold that night against him, but I don’t. He’s really hard on himself all the time. But as much as I know I need him in my life, I also know he needs me too. He won’t admit it. He’ll always say I’m the one needing him, but we’re like a team. At the end of the day, he’s the one who’s most important to me.”

“So why don’t you tell him the truth?” Liam grabbed my wrist.

“Because I think it’ll hurt him just as much as it hurts me.”

The sun was rising and we both got quiet. Liam, holding me once more, interlocked my hand with his and had his other hand on my hips. He always did this thing with his thumb whenever he held my hand. Where in the back of my hand his thumb would go in a circle over and over again. For some reason I felt it comforting.

I sat there in his arms thinking about what we were. I didn’t want to ask, because I was scared that I would scare him away. But I think both of us knew it would be easier if we didn’t put a label on it.

“Kaylin, I have one more question for you before I have to go back to my room…” I looked up at him as he looked down at me. “Do you think, this, what you and I have going… Do you think it could last?”

He was thinking what I was thinking. “Why don’t we just go with it and when it comes to that day, the day we actually do have to part ways, we’ll see.”

He got quiet, “okay.”

I knew what I just said punctured his heart, as it did mine. I didn’t want to think about saying goodbye, but I knew that day was coming closer.

Two and a half more weeks of tour then we have to say goodbye. I haven’t been this happy in a real long time and I knew it was about to end.

One thing I knew about life is that all good things must come to an end. But this is something I wanted for a long time, maybe even forever. I didn’t really know how he felt; I was hoping he’d feel the same way too.

But everyone was right. How was this supposed to work? How was the eight hour time difference supposed to work?

“I think I should get back to my room.” My thoughts were interrupted too soon by Liam wanted to get up. The sun was shining and it was beautiful out.

We went inside to find Zach out of his bed. He walked out of the bathroom still half asleep with one eye open, scratching his head. He gave us a weak wave and went back into his bed, under the covers.

I lead Liam to the door but before he left I grabbed his arm, “I’m sorry, okay? I just, I just don’t want to think about this right now. I just want to go day by day. I don’t want to think about the end before anything has even started.”

Liam looked down at the floor trying to figure something to say. After what felt like forever he finally said, “Yeah.” He kissed my cheek and walked back to his room.

From what I learned from talking to Liam every night, is that when he isn’t getting his way, he’ll leave you with one word answers. He knew those always killed me too.

I closed the door behind me and let out a big sigh. Even though I didn’t want to think about it, that’s all I was thinking of.

I got in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I wasn’t even tired anymore. There were too many thoughts running through my head at this point.

“Zach.” He didn’t answer. “I know you’re still awake.” No answer again. “Well, I just wanted to say thank you; for everything. I don’t think I say it enough. But I’m really thankful for you. I know I’ve been pushing you away. But I want you to know that no matter what, no matter who is in my life, you come before anyone. I love you okay? Please remember that.”

There was no answer again. “Goodnight Zach.” I rolled over as a tear ran down my cheek.

“I love you Kaylin, you’re my best friend; my little sister. Nothing changes that. Goodnight.” He finally spoke up. I fell asleep with a smile on my face knowing that even if the night didn’t turn perfect, somehow Zach knew that… He always found away to make me okay again.