The Other Side of the World

“Bug, can you pass the vegetables?” Zach said to me as I stared at my plate and pushed my peas around. “Bug?” I was so zoned out I couldn’t hear him. “Bug?” He kicked me from under the table.

“Ow. What?” I finally looked up at him.

“Can you pass me the vegetables?”

I looked around, lost and so out of it, “Uh yeah, sorry.”

“Thank you.” I handed him the plate.

“So Kaylin, you all ready to move in 2 weeks?”

I gave everyone a weak smile. “Yeah I think so. Ready as I’ll ever be I guess.”

“Dad, can we not talk about this again?” Zach said rolling his eyes.

“Oh come on Zach, I’m just going to miss you, that’s all.”

“Yeah Z. I mean Kaylin’s going to UCLA in 2 weeks. You’re going to be gone the rest of the year touring and then you move to LA the moment you come back… My babies are growing up.” His mom said.

“You still have me, Mom.” Vic interrupted.

“Yeah, yeah Vic, sure.” Vic grunted in his chair towards his dad’s sarcasm and we all laughed. “So Z, when do you officially start tour?”

“How many times do I have to tell you Dad? I leave a day after we drop Kaylin off at school.”

“Right. Well I’m really proud of the both of you. We’re all going to miss you around the house.”

--

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks packing for school. The guys have had a month off since the last tour. Turns out after the incident of the night of the last show happened, they cancelled the European tour to sort things out.

Cameron and Zach put aside the situation and left everything professional. Zach has forgiven him, but of course still finds a way to use it against him. Cameron just takes what he can get. But now that I’m not going on tour with them, it’ll be easier for them work a little harder on their friendship.

As for me and Cameron, we’re still working on things. Not that we’re back together or anything, we’re working on getting back to being friends. We both agreed that’s what was best for the both of us. But yet, we still haven’t talked much, I think it’s more of a choice than anything else.

But there wasn’t a day that had gone by where I didn’t think of Liam. I didn’t talk to any of them since that night. I thought it would be easier, but it turns out I think about him even more. I still wake up at 4am every day and watch the sunrise. No matter how much it hurts, it makes me feel like he’s still around.

The bracelets still around my wrists to remind me of him. It’s funny how it all works out, I hurt more and more every day by missing him, but I’d rather miss him than feel nothing at all.

I see his fame grow here in the US and more so in the UK, and I still wish him the best. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks of me like I think of him. But he’s got a lot more things to worry about than some girl in San Diego.

Two more weeks until I start my life as a college student up in UCLA and the first time since my parents died I will be away from Zach for more than a couple days.

I sit in my room, packing up what is left of it. As I look at the almost empty room, the room I’ve lived in since I was 12, my heart sank down to my stomach. I slowly sat down on the floor with my back against my bed and played my favorite song on repeat.

I honestly never understood why Chasing Cars by Snow Patol was my favorite song, but for some reason it made me feel every emotion I could ever feel at one time.

I reached for my picture frame on my nightstand. It was a photograph from the last night of tour. We all got together for a picture on the stage, a time in my life that was captured by a simple photograph. I traced the outline of me on Liam’s back, and at that moment while it felt like everything was standing still, a tear rolled down my cheek.

*knock, knock*
I frantically put the picture frame back on my night stand and wiped my tear away. “Come in!” I said as I wiped my eyes dry.

“Hey.” It was Cameron.

He came around my bed; he always knew that was my favorite spot to sit in my room. Right on the floor, with my back against my bed; looking out at the sky through my window.

The sky was still clear, but the sun was about to set. He took a seat next to me and we both sat there in silence listening to the song play over and over again as the sun disappeared behind the horizon.

A good ten minutes passed by before both of us even said a word.

“I-“ We both said in unison.

“No, no,” he put his hands out gesturing for me to go head, “You first.”

I sat there looking at my hands, trying to figure out what I truly wanted to say to him. I turned off the music before saying anything. “I’m sorry, for everything Cameron. I really am.”

“You’re sorry?” He chuckled to himself. “You have nothing to be sorry for Kay, you really don’t. I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m the one who screwed up. I screwed up everything; with Zach, with you, and with you and Liam.”

We both got quiet.

I looked up at the picture on my nightstand. “Liam and I are done, okay? That wasn’t your fault.” I looked back at him giving him a weak smile.

He turned to me with his hands trembling with an envelope in his hand. “Here.” He handed it to me. “Remember that one time you told me that one day you want to make everything right with everyone. Like before you leave for college with anyone you made wrong with, you want to make it right?”

“Yeah, but Cam, what is this?”

“Open it.”

I slowly opened the enveloped and pulled out a round trip ticket to London from the San Diego Airport. “Cameron…”

“Last month was the happiest I’ve ever seen you in a real long time.” He paused turning himself away from me. “I know I let jealousy get the best of me, but this is how I want to make it up to you. We’ve tried all summer to make me and you right. And we’re still working on it, but after that night, I haven’t seen you smile like you used to. And Kaylin, we have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.”

An awkward silence fell.

“Look, I want you to make things right with him, with either ending it, or finding a way to make it work. I love you Kaylin, I always will. And I don’t think you will ever understand how much I regret hurting you like I have. I think this might not make everything back to the way I want it, but I just want you to be happy. So I bought you a ticket round trip to London, for a week and a half. I want you to make things right with him.”

I sat there staring at the ticket with my hands trembling and not saying a word, trying to hold back my tears. Everything was just happening so fast and I couldn’t take it all in. “But I can’t…”

“I talked to the Porter’s already and they said it was okay. I talked to Zach, and he really wants you to go. Kaylin, we all just want you to be happy, whether it’s down the street or on the other side of the world.”

He waited for me to say something again. It was silent for another two minutes.

“Kaylin, say something.” He was staring at me trying to catch my attention. “You leave tomorrow night…”

I turned to him and gave him a hug that felt like forever. We both sat there holding each other for the longest time. It’s been months since the last time I’ve actually genuinely gave him a hug. And it was the first time, in a really long time, that I felt safe to be in his arms again.

We both finally pulled away from each other and I gave him a slight kiss on the cheek. “Thank you Cameron, this really means a lot to me.”

“Do what you have to do Kaylin, I’ll be waiting for you.” He slowly got up and started to head out of my room.

“Cameron!” I quickly stood up and he turned to look at me. “I love you okay, I always will. Please never forget that.”

He gave me a weak smile as he rubbed his hand behind his neck. “Just be careful okay?”

“I will.”

He walked out with nothing left to say. I sat on my bed still in shock with what just happened. I starred at the ticket a little while longer.

“I need to make things right.” I said to myself. I realized I was leaving tomorrow night for a trip to the other side of the world on my own, that I was not ready for at all. My heart sank deeper into my stomach as I started to panic.