Nobody's Listening

F O U R

A few minutes later, I pulled into James' driveway. We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes, and then James started to speak.

"Thanks for driving me home these past two days," he muttered, his hand on the door, about to get out.

"It's no problem," I said softly. "I'm happy to do it."

He looked up and smiled, and my heart fluttered at the thought of that smile on my forehead, on my cheek, on my mouth, on my neck. I could feel my face turning red, and I turned slightly away from him, only to be turned again by his surprisingly strong hands. His face loomed closer to mine. "Are you happy?"

I looked into his serious gray eyes. I didn't know if he could handle if I lied and said no. "Yes," I breathed. "Are you?"

James smiled and pulled away. "Only with you," he replied, his pale cheeks going pink. He opened the door and grabbed up his bag. "I'll see you around, Desirae."

"Okay," I said dreamily as I watched him walk up to his front door. I sat there in his driveway, letting the engine idle until I thought it was definitely time to go. I got ready to back out when James came running out again. I blushed; I bet I looked like a creepy stalker freak. I slowly rolled down my window and cringed, waiting for the verbal beating.

“Hey,” he said as he reached my lowered window. “Is it okay if I hung out with you this afternoon?” In his eyes I saw a silent plea. A plea that I knew he would not voice.

“Of course,” I said quickly, unlocking the doors so he could get in. “Maybe we can make some treats for my double date that’s tonight.”

He laughed, loud and clear. “I have this great recipe for brownies!”

“Fuck yeah!” I laughed, backing out of his driveway to take us to my house. “Now, my mom isn’t usually home, so we’ll have the house and the kitchen to ourselves. I’m pretty sure I have everything to make brownies, but we’ll have to see.” I looked over at him. “What exactly is in these brownies of yours?” I teased.

“The usual, but then I add a tiny bit of coconut oil. It makes them really gooey and soft.” He grinned over at me. “Oh, and you know, the pot I add makes it a lot better too!”

“You don’t actually do pot, right?” I pulled into my driveway and got my stuff, ready to get into my house and make these brownies (without the pot).

“Nah, I used to, though.”

I looked over at him as I slammed my van’s door shut. “Did you now?”

He gave me a look that clearly said back off. “We all make mistakes,” he said cheerfully.

I nodded as I unlocked my front door. “True.” I dropped my backpack on the floor near the door and slipped out of my Vans. “Make yourself comfortable!” I yelled behind me as I walked towards the kitchen. I heard James shut the door and follow me.

“So, is it okay if I sorta take over the kitchen?” he asked, sidling up next to me.

“Sure.” I laughed. “Just ask me if you need anything, but I’m gonna go upstairs and get ready.” I glanced at the clock on the wall. “You have about thirty minutes to make them, so hurry.” I winked at his stunned face before turning and running up to my room.

It didn’t take long for me to get ready. After washing my face, I looked inside of my closet. I figured I’d go nice-casual. I chose a pair of light-wash jeans and a pink flannel long sleeved button up. I looked a little plain, so I decided to take my glasses off and put my contacts in. I also wore my favorite leaf bracelet from Fossil. I figured I would wear my black Vans for shoes. I slowly put on my eyeliner, making sure it was perfect.

When I was finished, I gazed at myself in the mirror. I looked okay. I didn’t look like I was trying, which was good. I didn’t want Lucas to get the wrong idea and think that I liked him back. Honestly, I was just doing this for Cyd. I wondered who her sister had set her up with.

I walked slowly back down the stairs, just following the smell of chocolate. I stood in the kitchen archway for a while, watching James mix the brownie mix and listened to him hum.

I sneaked up behind him. “What song are you humming?” I asked, resting my cheek on his arm, since he was so much taller than me.

He smiled down at me. “’Bulletproof Heart’ by My Chem.” He sat the mixing bowl down on the counter and dipped his finger into it. “Wanna taste?” he asked, holding the finger out to me.

I grabbed his hand and tried to push it away. “No.”

“You sure?” he asked, getting the waggling, brownie-covered finger closer and closer yet. “Just a little taste?”

“No, James!” I squealed as he dabbed some of the mixture onto my nose.

“Why not?” He leaned forward and licked it off. “Mmmm,” he murmured. “Tastes good.”

I noticed how close he was now, his face extremely close to mine. My pulse accelerated. “That’s disgusting,” I told him, backing away and rubbing his spit off my nose. “If I lick it, will you stop?”

“Mhmm,” he muttered, getting closer and closer until I backed up into a counter. “Just one lick. Just a little taste.” He grinned as he held the finger out again.

“Fine,” I said, grabbing his hand. I watched his face as I stuck his finger in my mouth. He moaned almost inaudibly as I sucked the sweet brownie mix off his finger. “Better?” I asked as soon as I was done.

His cheeks flamed red. “Much,” he mumbled, stumbling away backwards as he returned to fixing the brownies. I sat down at the island and watched as he poured the mixture into a pan and slid the pan into the oven. “It’ll be done in about twenty minutes.”

I stared at him, lost in my own thoughts. Twenty minutes. In twenty minutes, a lot could happen. We could talk. We could kiss. We could make our way to my bedroom…. I could feel my face grow hot. I followed him with my eyes as he pulled himself up onto the island in front of me. We sat there, staring at each other until I looked down at his arm. “Can I see your arms, James?” I whispered.

James gulped nervously, but took off his jacket anyway. I watched him as he pushed his sleeves up to his elbows. I took his arm gently, afraid that I would hurt him. I looked at the scars. Some were dull and had almost faded away. Some shimmered, newer and pink against pale skin. One scar looks like a large scorch mark from a lighter. I ran a finger down the length of his arm and he shivered. “Did they hurt?”

“Yes,” he whispered.

I looked up from his arm and saw that his eyes were filled with tears. “Don’t cry….” I took the arm and kissed the length of it. He shuddered and yanked his arm away from me, only to pull me closer in a hug.

“It’s okay,” he muttered into my hair. “I’ll never cut again. I know better now.”

“Good…” I said. We stayed like that for several minutes until the timer rang.

“Brownies are ready,” James said, pulling away and jumping off the counter.

I decided at that moment to check my cell. “Oh, look at that. A text from Cyd.” I glanced through the hasty message that said she’d be there soon. “Shit.” I jumped off the barstool. “Cyd and the others will be here soon. I have to take you home.”

James set the brownie pan on top of the stove and shoved his sleeves back down to his wrists, covering up the shame. “I can’t go home, Dezza.” He grabbed my hand and the silent plea returned to his eyes. “I just can’t.”

I opened and closed my mouth, dumbfounded. Just then, the doorbell rang. “Uh… come on in!” I yelled. I looked back at James. “Okay, I’ll do what I can.”

“Thanks,” he muttered.

“No problem, James,” I replied, and hurried to greet Cyd, Lucas, and mystery boy.