These Scars Don't Seem To Fade Away.
Living Life Outside Of Dreams.
Dear Diary,
I don't know how much longer I can take of this pain.
It happened again today.
My parents did it again.
It started how it always starts.
They begin fighting over something pathetic,
Like...my music, or my look.
And eventually, the fight moves on to me.
No matter what, I always get the worst part of everything.
My parents...They never physically fight each other.
But it’s different with me.
They really could care less of what they do to me.
Or, what happens to me.
Sincerely,
Belle.
By now,
You're probably realizing what happens in this household.
Yeah...I'm abused.
I get bruises all over my arms and legs basically every night.
But hey...Nothing a little concealer can't hide.
Why don't I tell anyone? I'm not allowed.
I was told that If I do tell anyone,
My parents will track me down, and Skin me alive.
If anyone ever found out, I don’t know what I would do.
No one ever realizes how bad things actually are.
At school, the kids usually complain about how mean their parents are to them because...They won’t let them go to a damn concert.
If only they really knew what happens in my house.
Maybe they would finally shut up about how their parents "Supposedly" are mean.
Last time I checked....
They weren't being mean.
It’s called caring for your child and not wanting anything to happen to them.
How I would KILL,
Just to have parents who actually cared about me.
I mean...Wouldn't that be nice?
"Belle....Belle! Where are you?!" Someone called from my bedroom door.
Oh shit, this....didn't sound too good.
Just my luck.
My dad....He was drunk out of his mind.
And how I wished so hard, that I was not in this house right now.
Now...He wouldn't care how hard he beat on me this time.
For all I know...I could very well die tonight.
Oh man...Not good...Not good.
I HAVE to find a way out of here.
WAIT!...I have an idea,
I just...need to be able to stall him long enough to fulfill it.
I searched my room for something to block the door, when I spotted my old computer desk.
"This should work." I muttered.
Walking to one end of the desk, I began to push.
With all the strength I could muster out of my weakened, bruised body,
I set it in front of the door.
"Where is my bag...Where the hell is my duffel bag." I cried, as I frantically searched my room.
When I finally located the black and red bag in my closet,
I began packing my clothes as fast as my arms would move.
When it was finally full to the top, I grabbed a backpack, stuffed that with my sketch book, Diary, and then my song book.
"Now where the hell is that damn wallet." I exclaimed, as I searched my purse.
When I found it, I tore open the zipper and looked inside.
"$250...Thats not enough...Shit! Looks like I'm going to have to max out my credit cards." I sighed as I slipped the money back in, and stuffed in my purse.
Now...To write a note to the Parents.
I sighed as I grabbed my pen and a piece of paper off my bedside table.
Dear Parents,
By the time you read this,
I will be long gone.
I will be fine...I hope.
But thats besides the point,
You wouldn't care if I was fine or not anyways.
Don't come looking for me.
I think its better off this way.
Just remember.......I always hated you.
And I always will.
Deep down,
I will find a way for my hatred towards you,
To grow...Stronger and stronger with every breath I take.
And I swear...On my last dying breath,
I will pray...That you will not be there.
Because honestly,
Your not worth it,
You never will,
And you never will be.
Belle.
I smiled.
Satisfied with myself, I placed the note on my bed.
"Well...here goes nothing." I grabbed my bags and my purse, then headed for the open window.
I slowly dropped the bags out...then it was my turn.
"Oh god I hope this doesn't hurt." Closing my eyes, I quietly jumped out the window.
I landed on the ground.
I laid there a few seconds, Stunned from the impact.
It felt like a ton of bricks had just fallen on me.
"I....Have to get up. I...need to get out of here." I winced from the pain as I sat up.
I took one glance back at my childhood house.
"...Bitches!" I fingered it, Then took off running down the dark, damp streets.
The street lamps that hung over head stung my eyes.
But I didn't care.
I knew I had to get out of this town, and get to the airport as quickly as possible.
I just needed a faster way.
I thought for a moment.
Maybe a friend could drive me?
Oh thats right...I don't have any.
I guess I'm stuck taking the bus.
-------------------------------------------
The bus ride was long...
Okay it was only 30 minutes. That's long for me.
The airport though...SO much faster then I thought it would be.
The workers at the front desks, make them feel bad for you and you get on the plane and only pay $225 instead of $750.
Man was I having great luck right now....I wonder how long that will last.
I had no clue where I was going.
My only option...See what flight was leaving the fastest.
Las Vegas, Nevada. Guess thats where I'm going then
The plane ride basically sucked.
Six hours of absolutely nothing...Okay well not exactly nothing.
I sang to myself for pretty much the whole time.
I had everyones attention, sadly. I mean...I wasn't THAT good.
"Dude, she's the next Hayley Williams." Someone stated.
The other nodded. "Absolutely."
I looked over at them and smiled. "Thanks."
"No problem." They both answered.
When the plane finally landed I made sure I was the first one off.
Grabbing my luggage off the belt, I caught a cab and left.
I got dropped off at a hotel somewhere in Summerlin.
The quiet part of Las Vegas.
After getting myself a room, I got cleaned up then went for a walk.
I mean, it was mid-day here.
How I love time changes.
I walked out the door with my sidekick and iPod in hand.
My wallet was in my back jean pocket.
Quickly running into a gas station I got the best drink in history.
Redbull.
I walked down the street carefully sipping my drink.
When ever I walked I watched the ground. I didn't feel the need to watch where I was going.
...Maybe I should start.
I ran straight into someone.
Steaming hot AND cold liquid spilled down the front of my shirt.
"SHIT!" I screamed, throwing everything that was in my hands. The sidekick, the iPod and the Redbull.
Then I flailed.
"I'm so sor---AHHH! Shit! HOT....COLD...FUCK!"
I looked up to see a girl about my age.
She had short, choppy hair with lime green streaks running through it.
The metal in her lips glistened as the sun hit them
"We look like idiots." I laughed.
She looked up at me and smiled. "Haha, Yeah."
"Whoa...Trippy! Contacts?" I asked.
She shook her head. "Nope, they're real."
"Nice!" I stated. her eyes if you're wondering...we're awesome.
One was blue, and the other was green.
"I'm Syn-Dee." She stuck out her hand.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Belle." I smiled as I shook her hand.
"Well...Looks like we're going to need more drinks. Shall we?" Syn-Dee laughed.
I nodded. "Haha, Lets."
Then the two of us walked back to the coffee shop.
They sold Redbull there so I was alright.
For the rest of the day me and Syn-Dee hung out.
I was so happy!
My first day here, and I've already got a great friend!
I don't know how much longer I can take of this pain.
It happened again today.
My parents did it again.
It started how it always starts.
They begin fighting over something pathetic,
Like...my music, or my look.
And eventually, the fight moves on to me.
No matter what, I always get the worst part of everything.
My parents...They never physically fight each other.
But it’s different with me.
They really could care less of what they do to me.
Or, what happens to me.
Sincerely,
Belle.
By now,
You're probably realizing what happens in this household.
Yeah...I'm abused.
I get bruises all over my arms and legs basically every night.
But hey...Nothing a little concealer can't hide.
Why don't I tell anyone? I'm not allowed.
I was told that If I do tell anyone,
My parents will track me down, and Skin me alive.
If anyone ever found out, I don’t know what I would do.
No one ever realizes how bad things actually are.
At school, the kids usually complain about how mean their parents are to them because...They won’t let them go to a damn concert.
If only they really knew what happens in my house.
Maybe they would finally shut up about how their parents "Supposedly" are mean.
Last time I checked....
They weren't being mean.
It’s called caring for your child and not wanting anything to happen to them.
How I would KILL,
Just to have parents who actually cared about me.
I mean...Wouldn't that be nice?
"Belle....Belle! Where are you?!" Someone called from my bedroom door.
Oh shit, this....didn't sound too good.
Just my luck.
My dad....He was drunk out of his mind.
And how I wished so hard, that I was not in this house right now.
Now...He wouldn't care how hard he beat on me this time.
For all I know...I could very well die tonight.
Oh man...Not good...Not good.
I HAVE to find a way out of here.
WAIT!...I have an idea,
I just...need to be able to stall him long enough to fulfill it.
I searched my room for something to block the door, when I spotted my old computer desk.
"This should work." I muttered.
Walking to one end of the desk, I began to push.
With all the strength I could muster out of my weakened, bruised body,
I set it in front of the door.
"Where is my bag...Where the hell is my duffel bag." I cried, as I frantically searched my room.
When I finally located the black and red bag in my closet,
I began packing my clothes as fast as my arms would move.
When it was finally full to the top, I grabbed a backpack, stuffed that with my sketch book, Diary, and then my song book.
"Now where the hell is that damn wallet." I exclaimed, as I searched my purse.
When I found it, I tore open the zipper and looked inside.
"$250...Thats not enough...Shit! Looks like I'm going to have to max out my credit cards." I sighed as I slipped the money back in, and stuffed in my purse.
Now...To write a note to the Parents.
I sighed as I grabbed my pen and a piece of paper off my bedside table.
Dear Parents,
By the time you read this,
I will be long gone.
I will be fine...I hope.
But thats besides the point,
You wouldn't care if I was fine or not anyways.
Don't come looking for me.
I think its better off this way.
Just remember.......I always hated you.
And I always will.
Deep down,
I will find a way for my hatred towards you,
To grow...Stronger and stronger with every breath I take.
And I swear...On my last dying breath,
I will pray...That you will not be there.
Because honestly,
Your not worth it,
You never will,
And you never will be.
Belle.
I smiled.
Satisfied with myself, I placed the note on my bed.
"Well...here goes nothing." I grabbed my bags and my purse, then headed for the open window.
I slowly dropped the bags out...then it was my turn.
"Oh god I hope this doesn't hurt." Closing my eyes, I quietly jumped out the window.
I landed on the ground.
I laid there a few seconds, Stunned from the impact.
It felt like a ton of bricks had just fallen on me.
"I....Have to get up. I...need to get out of here." I winced from the pain as I sat up.
I took one glance back at my childhood house.
"...Bitches!" I fingered it, Then took off running down the dark, damp streets.
The street lamps that hung over head stung my eyes.
But I didn't care.
I knew I had to get out of this town, and get to the airport as quickly as possible.
I just needed a faster way.
I thought for a moment.
Maybe a friend could drive me?
Oh thats right...I don't have any.
I guess I'm stuck taking the bus.
-------------------------------------------
The bus ride was long...
Okay it was only 30 minutes. That's long for me.
The airport though...SO much faster then I thought it would be.
The workers at the front desks, make them feel bad for you and you get on the plane and only pay $225 instead of $750.
Man was I having great luck right now....I wonder how long that will last.
I had no clue where I was going.
My only option...See what flight was leaving the fastest.
Las Vegas, Nevada. Guess thats where I'm going then
The plane ride basically sucked.
Six hours of absolutely nothing...Okay well not exactly nothing.
I sang to myself for pretty much the whole time.
I had everyones attention, sadly. I mean...I wasn't THAT good.
"Dude, she's the next Hayley Williams." Someone stated.
The other nodded. "Absolutely."
I looked over at them and smiled. "Thanks."
"No problem." They both answered.
When the plane finally landed I made sure I was the first one off.
Grabbing my luggage off the belt, I caught a cab and left.
I got dropped off at a hotel somewhere in Summerlin.
The quiet part of Las Vegas.
After getting myself a room, I got cleaned up then went for a walk.
I mean, it was mid-day here.
How I love time changes.
I walked out the door with my sidekick and iPod in hand.
My wallet was in my back jean pocket.
Quickly running into a gas station I got the best drink in history.
Redbull.
I walked down the street carefully sipping my drink.
When ever I walked I watched the ground. I didn't feel the need to watch where I was going.
...Maybe I should start.
I ran straight into someone.
Steaming hot AND cold liquid spilled down the front of my shirt.
"SHIT!" I screamed, throwing everything that was in my hands. The sidekick, the iPod and the Redbull.
Then I flailed.
"I'm so sor---AHHH! Shit! HOT....COLD...FUCK!"
I looked up to see a girl about my age.
She had short, choppy hair with lime green streaks running through it.
The metal in her lips glistened as the sun hit them
"We look like idiots." I laughed.
She looked up at me and smiled. "Haha, Yeah."
"Whoa...Trippy! Contacts?" I asked.
She shook her head. "Nope, they're real."
"Nice!" I stated. her eyes if you're wondering...we're awesome.
One was blue, and the other was green.
"I'm Syn-Dee." She stuck out her hand.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Belle." I smiled as I shook her hand.
"Well...Looks like we're going to need more drinks. Shall we?" Syn-Dee laughed.
I nodded. "Haha, Lets."
Then the two of us walked back to the coffee shop.
They sold Redbull there so I was alright.
For the rest of the day me and Syn-Dee hung out.
I was so happy!
My first day here, and I've already got a great friend!