Whatever You Say
PISSED
I just wish she would quit bombarding me with the stupid pill-thing.
Her last words did not seem to leave me alone for the rest of the day.
“Get a life, Dork. And that means one away from a total messed up fantasy, which will be what I tell everyone if you mention this dilemma. I can simply ignore it, can you?”
My cluttered brain would not cease. I got into my mother’s car, the ride staying silent. She wasn’t mad, thankfully. She was just…disappointed in the fact that I didn’t communicate with her and had her all worried about me. I could see it in the way she held the steering wheel uncomfortably and in the way she moved her mouth from side to side as if to keep herself from bursting out.
My mother parked the car next to our house, just like everyone else did in the neighborhood. Just as I got out of the car, I saw Susanne rush in with three bags in her hands. It wasn’t until she was at my mother’s side that I noticed Susanne’s mom standing not too far behind.
“Hi, Mrs. Wensrich.”
She gave me a short smile. “C.J.” Then she stared down at my ruined jeans and unbuttoned shirt. “You look awfully tired.”
I shifted uncomfortably, buttoning the shirt discretely.
Susanne stared carefully, a hint of confusion blocking her view. Nevertheless, her pigtails bounced slightly and she helped my mother out while staring at me. “Where were you last night?” she asked, first putting her bags on top of the car’s hood.
Having sex with The Queen Bee. “What do you mean?”
She grinned. “Well, I called you and you didn’t answer. You always answer me.”
“C.J. was at Sky—”
“You called?” I asked, interrupting my mother before she’d say anything that I might regret. I took my cell phone out, meeting up with a missed call from Susanne. How come I didn’t see it before?
My mom gave me a weird look, which I ignored, adding a, “Would you look at that?” and a “sorry” for Susanne.
She shrugged and grabbed her bags again. “My mom wanted you to come with us to the Grocery Store.”
“Didn’t you want me to go?” I asked.
Susanne looked like I had made the silliest joke ever. Only she could tell how many of them I had made before. “Of course I wanted you to come also.”
I grinned.
“So, where were you?”
I gulped. If I tell her the truth it might hurt her feelings because I hadn’t told her before. She might start asking questions about The Queen and I’d probably end up blurting the fact that Éirin and I had engaged…in…you know. She would freak and I imagine it would bother her more than the stupid pill-situation.
“Just out with my brother.”
I knew my mom was giving me yet another look. I could feel her staring deep down with so many questions at hand, but to avoid any more conflict and uncomfortable moments, I changed the subject to homework. Susanne and I strode quietly to each other’s houses after that.
My mom didn’t waste any time. “What was that all about?”
It is true that one lie leads to another. “Mom, Susanne doesn’t like Skyler. It would seriously hurt her if I told her I was ‘hanging out’ with him.” I used the words rather loosely. Once again, my statement wasn’t a complete lie.
A smile reappeared on my mother’s face and she let the subject go.
(*)
Monday, I can say was probably the worst day ever. It was the day my—short and slightly “innocent”—lies caught up with me. And to think they say the sooner the better, but this was definitely not the case.
I was walking to third period when I came across Éirin who chatted flirtatiously with her friends. I overheard Chris’s laughs along with Éirin’s giggles as I stood in the water fountain again.
I didn’t take long for them to disperse and for Éirin to ignore me just like she had pretty much before.
She had told me she didn’t care about what happened between us. I bet she was used to lying around, so, why did I care?
Because she took your virginity.
Because you’re stupid.
Because you think everyone feels like you do.
Yeah, that was probably it. And, what about Susanne? How much effect would this have on her?
All I wanted to do was apologize to Éirin once again.
But, what about me? How did I feel?
I gritted my teeth. Pissed. That was one word for it. The other would be—of course—guilt.
I felt pissed and I had the right, too. Éirin was such a sleazy little brat! I should’ve just marched down to the principal or something from day one and be done with it.
Instead, I followed everything Éirin had told me to do.
I should just march toward Teddy and be done with it like I had intended right before this started.
And that’s it.
That’s exactly where my worst day began, just because marching down to Teddy was the last thing I needed. Just walking to The Swimming Team’s area (where I knew he would be) was enough to bring me down with a blow coming from Teddy’s hand. He punched me directly in the mouth and I stumbled backwards, hitting my back with some of the lockers.
“What the hell was that for?”
“For fucking Éirin.”
Her last words did not seem to leave me alone for the rest of the day.
“Get a life, Dork. And that means one away from a total messed up fantasy, which will be what I tell everyone if you mention this dilemma. I can simply ignore it, can you?”
My cluttered brain would not cease. I got into my mother’s car, the ride staying silent. She wasn’t mad, thankfully. She was just…disappointed in the fact that I didn’t communicate with her and had her all worried about me. I could see it in the way she held the steering wheel uncomfortably and in the way she moved her mouth from side to side as if to keep herself from bursting out.
My mother parked the car next to our house, just like everyone else did in the neighborhood. Just as I got out of the car, I saw Susanne rush in with three bags in her hands. It wasn’t until she was at my mother’s side that I noticed Susanne’s mom standing not too far behind.
“Hi, Mrs. Wensrich.”
She gave me a short smile. “C.J.” Then she stared down at my ruined jeans and unbuttoned shirt. “You look awfully tired.”
I shifted uncomfortably, buttoning the shirt discretely.
Susanne stared carefully, a hint of confusion blocking her view. Nevertheless, her pigtails bounced slightly and she helped my mother out while staring at me. “Where were you last night?” she asked, first putting her bags on top of the car’s hood.
Having sex with The Queen Bee. “What do you mean?”
She grinned. “Well, I called you and you didn’t answer. You always answer me.”
“C.J. was at Sky—”
“You called?” I asked, interrupting my mother before she’d say anything that I might regret. I took my cell phone out, meeting up with a missed call from Susanne. How come I didn’t see it before?
My mom gave me a weird look, which I ignored, adding a, “Would you look at that?” and a “sorry” for Susanne.
She shrugged and grabbed her bags again. “My mom wanted you to come with us to the Grocery Store.”
“Didn’t you want me to go?” I asked.
Susanne looked like I had made the silliest joke ever. Only she could tell how many of them I had made before. “Of course I wanted you to come also.”
I grinned.
“So, where were you?”
I gulped. If I tell her the truth it might hurt her feelings because I hadn’t told her before. She might start asking questions about The Queen and I’d probably end up blurting the fact that Éirin and I had engaged…in…you know. She would freak and I imagine it would bother her more than the stupid pill-situation.
“Just out with my brother.”
I knew my mom was giving me yet another look. I could feel her staring deep down with so many questions at hand, but to avoid any more conflict and uncomfortable moments, I changed the subject to homework. Susanne and I strode quietly to each other’s houses after that.
My mom didn’t waste any time. “What was that all about?”
It is true that one lie leads to another. “Mom, Susanne doesn’t like Skyler. It would seriously hurt her if I told her I was ‘hanging out’ with him.” I used the words rather loosely. Once again, my statement wasn’t a complete lie.
A smile reappeared on my mother’s face and she let the subject go.
(*)
Monday, I can say was probably the worst day ever. It was the day my—short and slightly “innocent”—lies caught up with me. And to think they say the sooner the better, but this was definitely not the case.
I was walking to third period when I came across Éirin who chatted flirtatiously with her friends. I overheard Chris’s laughs along with Éirin’s giggles as I stood in the water fountain again.
I didn’t take long for them to disperse and for Éirin to ignore me just like she had pretty much before.
She had told me she didn’t care about what happened between us. I bet she was used to lying around, so, why did I care?
Because she took your virginity.
Because you’re stupid.
Because you think everyone feels like you do.
Yeah, that was probably it. And, what about Susanne? How much effect would this have on her?
All I wanted to do was apologize to Éirin once again.
But, what about me? How did I feel?
I gritted my teeth. Pissed. That was one word for it. The other would be—of course—guilt.
I felt pissed and I had the right, too. Éirin was such a sleazy little brat! I should’ve just marched down to the principal or something from day one and be done with it.
Instead, I followed everything Éirin had told me to do.
I should just march toward Teddy and be done with it like I had intended right before this started.
And that’s it.
That’s exactly where my worst day began, just because marching down to Teddy was the last thing I needed. Just walking to The Swimming Team’s area (where I knew he would be) was enough to bring me down with a blow coming from Teddy’s hand. He punched me directly in the mouth and I stumbled backwards, hitting my back with some of the lockers.
“What the hell was that for?”
“For fucking Éirin.”