Memorial

“Oli, is tha yeh?” Amanda called as I slammed the front door to our flat closed. I didn’t answer, as I kicked off my shoes near the door. I walked through the house almost like a zombie.

I hadn’t slept in two days. My mind was too wrapped up in what Payton had yelled. She had actually thought that we had slept together? Fucking hell.

We didn’t. I wanted to trust me when I say this; I would LOVE to sleep with her. Not just because I’ve always wanted to, but because I have…feelings for her that I’ve never had for anyone else. Payton was special and I if I did have the chance to fuck her, I’d much rather her be sober. But I had no chance now.

The looks she was giving me when I woke up were horrible. She looked disgusted and horrified. And over all depressed. I bit my lip pushing the door open to my room. I pulled my shirt off as I made my way over to my bed, dropping it to the floor. I pushed the covers off the mattress and lay down, burying my head into my pillows.

“Ol?” I didn’t moved. “Oliver?!” She shouted.

“Wha’?” I spoke into my pillow.

“Where the ‘ell ‘ave yeh been?” Amanda growled.

I rolled over at looked at her. One of my band t-shirts hung loosely from her shoulders and her long brown hair pulled up into a messy bun. “With Tom.” I sighed angrily. She got mad over the littlest things I swear. It made me angry as hell, now days.

“Why didn’t yeh fucking call meh?! I were worried ‘bout yeh!” She walked towards me and crawled onto the bed. She brushed her fingers down my chest; along the tattoo’s I had inked into my skin. I pushed her hand away and her eyes hardened. “Wo’d yeh fuckin’?”

“No one.” I wish I was, though. I looked away from her, I didn’t want to fight. I just wanted to
be left alone for a while.

“Wo is ‘se?” She spoke threw her teeth; her hands were gripping the sheets in fists.

“No one, Manda.”

“Then why yeh bein’ an arse?” She snapped.

I turned back to her my eyes narrowed.“‘m not being a fucking arse!” I glared up at her. “Just don’ want to be touched, o’reight?”

“Wha’s been up with yeh Ol?”She crossed her arms over her chest. “Yeh used to be all touchy,” She placed her hand on my arm and I moved it away quickly without thinking. She sighed. “Now yeh don’t want to be touched. An’ yeh don’t talk to meh much. Wha’ the ‘ell is goin’ on?”

I shook my head and looked away from her. “Nothin.” It came out a whisper.

The air went silent and she slowly got up and walked out of the room. I heard the slamming of the front door. I just lay in the bed starring straight up at the ceiling. The dim light surrounded me and I felt hollow.

I closed my eyes and the memories of the party started to replay in my head.

Our lips brushed against each other and I held my hand on her warm tight. She held both her hands on my cheeks keeping my lips pressed to hers. It felt like heaven having my lips against hers again. I licked her bottom lip asking for entrance but she didn’t open. I groaned; she always was a tease. She smirked and I rolled over so I was on top again. I pulled away pressing her into the bed. She pouted her lip piercings pushed out on her lower lip. Her blond and pink hair was spread across the pillow; she looked so beautiful.

She tried to touch her lips to mine again but I was a bit farther away. She groaned and laid still, looking up at me with an annoyed look. I smirked and leaned in, my lips brushing over her jaw line. She turned her head and tried to press her lips to mine. I chuckled and moved my lips to her ear. “Do yeh want it?”

She started to grind up against my hips. I moaned, Bloody hell! “What do you think?” She breathed, sending a shiver up my spine. I felt my member getting harder.

“Fuck.” I groaned, I began to kiss her neck; sucking and biting the flesh.

“Oli!” She moaned pulling at my hair. I bit down harder.

I pushed her dress up taking it off her and tossing it onto the floor. “Yer beautiful.” I whispered to her. I saw her checks flush slightly and she looked away from me. She was so gorgeous.

I pressed my lips against her, but the kiss wasn’t lustful. It was just a simple kiss, and I put so much emotion into it. I wanted her to know that I cared. That is missed her.

“God damn Ol, learn to pick up yer bloody phone!” The sound of Tom’s yells pulled me out of thought; nearly sent me flying out of bed entangled in my sheets. My bed room door flew open and my little brother walked in. “Wy’ ‘ave yeh been pickin’ up when we was callin’?”

I shrugged, sitting up. “I didn’t know yeh ‘ad been callin’.” I admitted. The room got silent and Tom sat on the end of my bed. “Did yeh find ‘er?” He sighed and nodded. My heart began to race. “Where is ‘se? Is se’ o’reight?”

He nodded hesitantly. “S’ there beer in the ice box?” He asked, not looking at me. My heart dropped and horrible things started to run through my mind. She was hurt or worse dead.

“Tom?” I spoke barely above a whisper, I was afraid my voice would crack. He didn’t answer me; he just got up and walked out of the room. I quickly threw my sheets off me and followed him. “Tom!” I shouted in desperation, as he walked into the kitchen. “Tom!” I growled as he took a beer out of the ice box. “Is she o’rieght?” He sighed and opened the beer not looking at me. “TOM!”

“Se’s fine.” He tossed the cap into the trash bin. My heart slowed a bit, she wasn’t hurt. I thought relieved. “Someone came ‘ome with ‘er.” He said quietly, taking a sip of his beer.

My heart literally stopped. “W-wha’?”

He looked up slowly. “When se got back to ‘er place se wasn’t alone.” He avoided looking me in the eye.

“Wo was it?” I asked through teeth. My heart was beating faster and faster now. Who could she have come home with? “Tom, wo was it?” I slammed my hand on the counter making him jump slightly. I hadn’t realized I had moved.

“I don’t know Oli,” He spoke softly. His eyes flashed towards mine. “I-I think ‘e might be ‘er boyfriend from the looks of it.”

I felt my world stop completely. Boyfriend? She came home with a guy? My body went numb and I had to hold the counter for support. Boyfriend. I can’t believe she was with someone. Someone had her. I slid down onto the floor, hiding my head in my arms.

“Oliver, wha’ ‘appened?” Tom asked crouching down next to me.

I put my head in my hands shaking my head. “I-I don’t know Tommy.” I mumbled.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead with his free hand. “We’ll neither does se, an’ se don’ want us to do nothin’ bout it.” He mumbled, taking a chug of beer.

He started to stand up and I spoke softly. “I didn’t fuck ‘er.”

“Wha’?”

I moved my hands from my face and look up at him; lying my head against the cupboard doors. “I didn’t fuck, Pay.” I ran my shaking hand through my hair. “Se told meh se’d never slept with anyone a-an’ I stopped.” He looked at me shocked. “S’ the truth Tommy.”

“Bloody ‘ell.” He spoke under his breath. “D-does se know?”

I shook my head slowly, “Se’ were so pissed tha’ night. I’d be surprised ef se’ member anythin’.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Tha’s impossible.”

“Ow’ the ‘ell is tha’ impossible? Se were more pissed then meh.” I said looking at him confused.

“Pay doesn’t drink, Oli.” He stood up straight and placed his beer on the counter. “Se’ ‘as the same ideals as se did in Secondary school.”

I stood up, slowly, keeping my hand on the counter to keep myself up. “Tom, se was pissed, I know it.”

He ran his hand through his brown hair looking confused. “I didn’t even see ‘er there in the first place.” He said quietly. He looked down at the ground deep in though.

“Yeh were o’lready pissed when ‘er an’ Matt got there.” I told him.

He looked up quickly. “Se’ came with Matt?” I nodded slowly, watching him as he quickly pulled his mobile out of his pocket, dialing a number quickly. “Lo?” He spoke after a few minutes. “Matt, can yeh come to Ol’s?” He listened eagerly for Matt’s reply. “Twenty minutes, yeah, tha’ fine. See yeh then mate.” With that he hung up.

“Wy’d yeh call ‘im?” I scratched the back of my head.

“To see wha’ e can tell us.” He took a gulp of beer and walked into my living room. I follow behind him; Tom walked over to one of the couches and plopped down on it, putting his feet on the coffee table. I stepped over his legs and sat on the love set, across from him.

I sat there awkwardly, trying to keep calm but the other night with Pay kept on finding away into my head and my replaying over at over again. I groaned in frustrating, putting my head in my hands. What the hell?! Why was I so obsessed with her lately? She was a girl I dated in Secondary school before I got with SJ. That had to be it…but I didn’t want her to be just that. “Fuck.” I whispered under my breathe.

“Oli!” Tom shouted. I looked up, to see Tom holding an open beer out for me; I had heard him get up to get another. I took it and immediately put it to my lips. The cold familiar liquid washed down my throat calming me but not much. Tom sighed and sat down again. “Where’s Amanda?” I shrugged. “Was se’ ‘ere when yeh got ‘ome?”

“Aye.”

He sighed out annoyed. “Fuck, Ol, yeh two fightin’ again?”

My anger boiled, “Yeh act like I like fighten’ wit’ ‘er Tom.” I growled.

“Well yeh sure as ‘ell don’t work very ‘ard not too.” He mumbled under his breath.

I bit my tongue. I didn’t need to fight with Tom, right now. I had to wait for Matt. The rest of the time we waited for him it was the longest time of my life.

“Tom? Ol?” Matt shouted as he walked through the door.

“We’re in ‘ere!” I spoke. I didn’t look away from Tom. He was still glaring at me.

“Right, tis way, love.” Matt said, I heard the clicking of heels and the sound of squeaky shoes. Matt walked into the living room, his hands in his pockets. “Ow’ goes it, Mates.” He said jumping on to the couch next to Tom.

“Fuckin’ ‘ell, Matt.” He shouted nearly spilling his beer. Matt laughed sitting up and looking over at me. He scrunched his eyebrows together, looking confused.

“Yeh o’reight Ol?” He asked

I shrugged taking a sip of my beer. I felt a pair of eyes on me and I looked over to see, a dark skinned girl. She was standing with her hands at her sides and her eyes looking me over; she seemed to be deep in though. I looked away from her placing my beer on the coffee table.

“Taylor?” Matt said to the girl but she didn’t move.

“Tay?” Tom spoke, unsure.

She didn’t seem to hear them she just kept starring at me, making her way towards me. “It’s yeh.” She spoke softly.

“Wha’?” was all that came from my mouth.

I watched as her eyes started to tear up. She lifted her hand and before I could do anything, her hand made contact with her cheek, making a loud smaking sound. A tear slowly fell and she fell onto the couch next to me. “Yeh the one tha’ ‘urt ‘er!” I sat there stunted; she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me. I sat there as she cried into my shoulder; Matt and Tom sat there confused and shocked. She started to cry harder and I had no idea what to do. My cheek stung from the hit and I had a strange girl hugging me.

“Taylor.” Matt said softly; get up from the couch and coming over to us. He placed his hands on her shoulders and she pulled back slightly, looking over at him. He knelt down in front of the couch. “Yeh o’reight?”

She smiled slightly nodding her head. She looked back over to me, “Yeh did a ‘orrible thin’ to ‘er, yeh know tha’?” My mouth dropped slightly. “Aye, I know.”

“Y-yeh k-know?”

She frowned slightly. “We’ll not, exactly but I know enough to know yeh ‘urt ‘er bad.” She wiped away a few tears. She looked up at her and sighed. “Sorry, ‘bout tha’.” She pointed at my cheek. I slowly raised my hand up to it touching it gently.

“S’ o’reight.” I said softly. I deserve it.

Things got quiet and she looked back over at Matt, she said something softly that I didn’t hear. He nodded and stood up, moving to the side. She smiled and walked over to Tom sitting beside him.

“Sooo wy’ am I ‘ere?” Matt asked.

Tom sighed and placed his beer on the coffee table. “Yeh came to meh party with Payton, yeah?” He got right down to it.

“Aye, I did.” He said slowly. “Wy?”

“Wha’ did yeh give ‘er to drink?”

“Wha’ yeh, mean Tom?” Matt asked confused.

“Se’ were pissed,” I spoke up. “Wha’ did yeh tell ‘er se’ were drinkin’?”

“I didn’t give ‘er shit!” He got angry. “Wha’ the fuck are yeh two tryin’ to say?”

I stood up. “Tha’ yeh tricked her into drinkin!” I got in his face.

He pushed me, I stumbled nearly falling. “I’m not like yeh Sykes, I don’t do things like tha’ to the girls I love!”

I glared and got up in his face, grabbing him by the shirt. “Wha’ the fuck is tha’ supposed to mean Nicholls?” I growled.

“Yeh don’t ‘ave any damn right to be carin’ ‘bout ‘er Sykes!” He spat. “Especially since yeh fucked ‘er over!”

My grip on his shirt loosened. He was probably right….but I did care. I loved her.

“Oliver?” I looked to see Taylor standing next to the two of us. She touched my hands softly and I let go of Matt’s shirt completely.

I looked away from them all walking into the kitchen; I leaned against the counter closing my eyes. I tried to hold back the tears as I thought about what I had done. I had probably given up one of the best things in my life when I had done that to her. It’s taken me so long to figure that out and know that I have, I have fucked it up so bad I doubt that it is fix able.

“Oliver?” I opened my eyes and slowly looked over my shoulder. Taylor was standing in the door way.

“Wha?” I asked softly. She walked over to me without answering, she hugged me from behind.

She gave me a tight squeeze. “Yeh two will fix things.” I sighed and shook my head.

“Oli,” Tom said, Taylor unwrapped her arms from my waist and we both turned around. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “It was Ginny.”

“Fuckin’ ‘ell.”