Status: So... active for me apparently means years in between, I promise that's not the case this time. I hope.
Right to Choose
Chance
How could I not realise that it was all too good to be true? Of course everything was going to come crashing down on me. I was just too stupid to realise it. Or maybe I just didn’t want to believe it. Either way, my life was burning, and fast. Change was coming, and I didn’t want it.
***
April 16h, 2011
“Are you sure you want to do this?” A deep voice sighed.
“Yeah… I need to clear my head for a while. Just until the end of the year,” Alexis said, trying to keep her voice from wavering as she turned around, looking at the man leaning on the wall in the hallway, “just for the rest of the year, I promise. Besides, that’s all dad said I could stay for anyway…” she trailed off, looking at the man apologetically.
“I know, I know. I just wish you’d tell me what’s caused this though, Al, I want to know what’s making you so miserable that you think you need to run away,” he sighed again, looking at the teen sadly.
“Ryan! I’m not running away!” Alexis tried not to yell, “I’m not…” her voice dropped back to a whisper as she crossed the room to hug Ryan, “you’re my big brother, Ryan. I know I can tell you anything. I just don’t know what it is that I need to tell you yet, that’s why I need to get away, just for a little bit. Somewhere totally new with no old distractions,” she mumbled into his chest.
“Okay, Al, just… be safe, be careful, and come back, this house is going to be too quiet without you here,” Ryan mumbled, hugging his sister tight.
“I’ll be back before you know it, Ryan,”
“I know, kiddo, I know,” Ryan let go of Alexis, smiling slightly, “How about pizza for dinner? I’ll go get some.”
“Sure, Ryan, that’d be great,” Alexis smiled, “I’ll just pack my last few things while you’re out.”
“No worries kiddo,” Ryan grabbed his keys and wallet, heading towards the door, “I’ll be back in half an hour, be good!”
“Always…” Alexis muttered to herself as Ryan closed the front door solidly, leaving her on her own in the house.
~~
Cass paced back and forth on the footpath in front of Alexis’ house. Her hands were firmly jammed inside the pockets of her skinny jeans as she walked, trying to work out her nerves. It had been just over a month since she had kissed the other girl, and she knew what she wanted to say today, what she needed to say. Taking a deep breath, Cass stopped her pacing and turned to face the house, steeling herself to step forwards and knock on the front door, when a voice broke her out of her thoughts.
“Don’t you even think about breaking into that house young lady! I’ve called the police on you I have, not in my neighbourhood, delinquents like you!” An elderly man yelled out of his own front door from across the street. Cass turned around, sneering at the man, who was filling every cliché Cass could think of, including the flannelette dressing gown and waving a walking stick.
“Oh shut up old man, before I decide to break you!” She called back across the road, laughing at the look of indignation on the man’s face as he shuffled back into his home, “right, anyway,” Cass told herself, turning back around and raising her fist, knocking on the Alexis’ front door.
“Wow, that was quick, you’ve only been gone ten –“ Alexis cut herself off as she looked out of her front door, “Cass? Sorry, I thought you were Ryan,” she blushed, looking at the ground.
“It’s fine,” Cass forced a smile, looking at Alexis, “can I uh, can I talk to you?”
“Sure, I guess. Do you want to come in?” Alexis smiled awkwardly back at Cass.
“Oh, no, it’s fine, this won’t take long,” Cass swallowed, trying to gather the courage to say what she wanted to.
“Oh, okay. So… what’s up?”
“Listen, Lexi… you’ve been my best friend for what, ten years? You’ve stuck by me through everything, let me stay at yours when I’ve had problems at home. You were there for me when I got sent to live with my mum, you were here for me when my dad died, you’ve never judged me or criticised me. You’ve bailed me out more times than either of us can count…” Cass focused her gaze on a point just over Alexis’ shoulder, taking a deep breath before saying what she really wanted to.
“Cass…” Alexis gripped the side of the door for support, her heart pounding.
“Lexi, you’re amazing. You’re my everything. You’re the reason I get out of bed most mornings, and you’re definitely the reason I’m not in jail right now. You’re an amazing person and you’re so, so beautiful,”
“Cass!” Alexis gasped, digging her nails into the timber of her front door.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Lexi, and, I know I’m not the best person but around you, I want to be. When I kissed you last week, that wasn’t a mistake or an accident, I meant it. I want to be with you, Lexi, you’re my world and I want everyone to be able to see that. Like I said, I know I’m not the best person but all I ask is that you give me a chance, to be someone better. Alexis Walker, will you go out with me?” Cass finished, finally shifting her gaze to stare at Alexis, who for her part could only stand there, her eyes glistening with unshed tears as she opened and closed her mouth, trying to say something, “Lex..?”
“Cass, I…” Alexis looked down at the ground and blinked a few times before looking up again, locking her gaze with the teenager in front of her, “No.”
“N..no?” Cass took a half step back, half shocked.
“No,” Alexis repeated, slamming the door closed.
“No…” Cass stepped back again, gasping for breath as she tried not to cry.
“You stay right where you are young lady, I’ve called the police on you, I’ll not have you ruining my neighbourhood!” The old man was back outside, yelling at Cass. Cass clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms as she fought back tears before she whirled around to face the elderly man.
“Oh go fuck yourself, you don’t fucking know anything, bastard,” Cass yelled at the man before taking one last look at Alexis’ front door and starting to walk away.
“Don’t you come back you rude little –“
“Shut the fuck up,” Cass cut the man off as she walked past, reaching the end of his driveway before breaking into a run, feeling the tears burning her eyes, threatening to spill over.
***
April 16h, 2011
“Are you sure you want to do this?” A deep voice sighed.
“Yeah… I need to clear my head for a while. Just until the end of the year,” Alexis said, trying to keep her voice from wavering as she turned around, looking at the man leaning on the wall in the hallway, “just for the rest of the year, I promise. Besides, that’s all dad said I could stay for anyway…” she trailed off, looking at the man apologetically.
“I know, I know. I just wish you’d tell me what’s caused this though, Al, I want to know what’s making you so miserable that you think you need to run away,” he sighed again, looking at the teen sadly.
“Ryan! I’m not running away!” Alexis tried not to yell, “I’m not…” her voice dropped back to a whisper as she crossed the room to hug Ryan, “you’re my big brother, Ryan. I know I can tell you anything. I just don’t know what it is that I need to tell you yet, that’s why I need to get away, just for a little bit. Somewhere totally new with no old distractions,” she mumbled into his chest.
“Okay, Al, just… be safe, be careful, and come back, this house is going to be too quiet without you here,” Ryan mumbled, hugging his sister tight.
“I’ll be back before you know it, Ryan,”
“I know, kiddo, I know,” Ryan let go of Alexis, smiling slightly, “How about pizza for dinner? I’ll go get some.”
“Sure, Ryan, that’d be great,” Alexis smiled, “I’ll just pack my last few things while you’re out.”
“No worries kiddo,” Ryan grabbed his keys and wallet, heading towards the door, “I’ll be back in half an hour, be good!”
“Always…” Alexis muttered to herself as Ryan closed the front door solidly, leaving her on her own in the house.
~~
Cass paced back and forth on the footpath in front of Alexis’ house. Her hands were firmly jammed inside the pockets of her skinny jeans as she walked, trying to work out her nerves. It had been just over a month since she had kissed the other girl, and she knew what she wanted to say today, what she needed to say. Taking a deep breath, Cass stopped her pacing and turned to face the house, steeling herself to step forwards and knock on the front door, when a voice broke her out of her thoughts.
“Don’t you even think about breaking into that house young lady! I’ve called the police on you I have, not in my neighbourhood, delinquents like you!” An elderly man yelled out of his own front door from across the street. Cass turned around, sneering at the man, who was filling every cliché Cass could think of, including the flannelette dressing gown and waving a walking stick.
“Oh shut up old man, before I decide to break you!” She called back across the road, laughing at the look of indignation on the man’s face as he shuffled back into his home, “right, anyway,” Cass told herself, turning back around and raising her fist, knocking on the Alexis’ front door.
“Wow, that was quick, you’ve only been gone ten –“ Alexis cut herself off as she looked out of her front door, “Cass? Sorry, I thought you were Ryan,” she blushed, looking at the ground.
“It’s fine,” Cass forced a smile, looking at Alexis, “can I uh, can I talk to you?”
“Sure, I guess. Do you want to come in?” Alexis smiled awkwardly back at Cass.
“Oh, no, it’s fine, this won’t take long,” Cass swallowed, trying to gather the courage to say what she wanted to.
“Oh, okay. So… what’s up?”
“Listen, Lexi… you’ve been my best friend for what, ten years? You’ve stuck by me through everything, let me stay at yours when I’ve had problems at home. You were there for me when I got sent to live with my mum, you were here for me when my dad died, you’ve never judged me or criticised me. You’ve bailed me out more times than either of us can count…” Cass focused her gaze on a point just over Alexis’ shoulder, taking a deep breath before saying what she really wanted to.
“Cass…” Alexis gripped the side of the door for support, her heart pounding.
“Lexi, you’re amazing. You’re my everything. You’re the reason I get out of bed most mornings, and you’re definitely the reason I’m not in jail right now. You’re an amazing person and you’re so, so beautiful,”
“Cass!” Alexis gasped, digging her nails into the timber of her front door.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Lexi, and, I know I’m not the best person but around you, I want to be. When I kissed you last week, that wasn’t a mistake or an accident, I meant it. I want to be with you, Lexi, you’re my world and I want everyone to be able to see that. Like I said, I know I’m not the best person but all I ask is that you give me a chance, to be someone better. Alexis Walker, will you go out with me?” Cass finished, finally shifting her gaze to stare at Alexis, who for her part could only stand there, her eyes glistening with unshed tears as she opened and closed her mouth, trying to say something, “Lex..?”
“Cass, I…” Alexis looked down at the ground and blinked a few times before looking up again, locking her gaze with the teenager in front of her, “No.”
“N..no?” Cass took a half step back, half shocked.
“No,” Alexis repeated, slamming the door closed.
“No…” Cass stepped back again, gasping for breath as she tried not to cry.
“You stay right where you are young lady, I’ve called the police on you, I’ll not have you ruining my neighbourhood!” The old man was back outside, yelling at Cass. Cass clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms as she fought back tears before she whirled around to face the elderly man.
“Oh go fuck yourself, you don’t fucking know anything, bastard,” Cass yelled at the man before taking one last look at Alexis’ front door and starting to walk away.
“Don’t you come back you rude little –“
“Shut the fuck up,” Cass cut the man off as she walked past, reaching the end of his driveway before breaking into a run, feeling the tears burning her eyes, threatening to spill over.