Tragic the Way People Pass Her By

I was sitting in class, doodling. My professor was droning on and on about something, like he always does. My notebook was sitting in front of me, open. Notes covered the page in my tiny script. In the margins, I had drawn swirls, and bubbles. Absent mindedly, my fingers wondered over the long scar on my left arm. It had become sort of a reality check. It reminded me that everything had really happened to me. That bad things really do happen. I found myself dreaming at night of the days before it all happened. My life with Zach seemed to perfect to be reality.

Unfortunately, it always comes to an end. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. It surprises me still that it was over three years ago. Three years ago, I left Zach. I remember sitting in my hospital bed, debating the decision that I knew I had to make. I regret it, sure. However, it was something I had to do. I could never stay with him after all that happened. In fact, I don’t think I will ever be with anyone again.

Zach, Michael, Cameron, and Nathan were nothing but supportive, of course. They seriously are the nicest boys in the world. I don’t blame them whatsoever for what happened. I mean, everything happens for a reason. This way, Zach could focus on his music anyway. I mean, three years since I left him, and Allstar Weekend has become one of the most popular bands out there. Their music relates to so many people. They really blossomed as artists.

Some say it’s weird that I still followed where the band went. I mean, they for some reason think that I should completely ban them from my life. But there was a part of me that couldn’t do that. No, I didn’t keep in touch with them. But, I still liked seeing their success.

Maybe it was making it worse, watching videos of the four boys that I absolutely love. I feel like I have to though.

“Ms. Clark?” I heard my professor calling on me. I snapped out of my day dream back into reality. My head popped up, and my mind raced to try to think of what he had last said. “Do you know what I was saying?” I bit my lip, and shook my head. I heard muffled laughter coming from behind me, as my professor sighed. He continued his ranting as I looked down at my notes.

Tears came to my eyes, as I saw what I had written when my mind was wondering. “Mrs. Zach Porter” was written in fancy cursive script. Frustrated, I crossed out every one. No, I can’t be thinking about that. I made a choice, and I have to stick with that. I am never going to see Zach again. And I’m okay with that.

I paid attention to the rest of the class, until my professor dismissed us. I gathered my things, and put my notebook back into my tan messenger bag. I stood up, and started walking to the door. Before I got there, my professor stopped me.

“Sarah, I need to talk to you for a second,” he said, pushing his bifocals up the bridge of his nose. I nodded, and walked over to the desk in the middle of the big room. He fumbled with a stack of papers, before raising his head. “Take a seat,” he said motioning to chair sitting in front of the desk. I sat down, and dumped my bag next to me. He waited for the remaining students to file out of the room, before beginning to talk. “Sarah, it has come to my attention that you think my class is boring. I felt the need to remind you that if you want to remain a student here at the University of Pittsburgh you need to pass this class.” The professor twiddled his thumbs as he waited for my response.

“I’m sorry, sir. I have a lot on my mind right now. I don’t find your class boring, I just need to sort out my thoughts.” I said slowly.

He nodded. “You are a good girl. And a great writer. You are going to go far in this business, but there are going to be obstacles. Whatever is on your mind, you need to clear it, and work through it. You can’t let a little thing prevent you from living your life.” Tears formed in my eyes. I nodded, and bit my lip trying to prevent tears from falling. “You may go.”

I got up, and grabbed my bag. I walked into the spacious hallway, and completely broke down. His words were exactly what I needed to hear.

I weaved my way to the parking lot, and got into my beat up car. It used to be my brother’s but he moved out, and left it for me. I still lived at home, as it cost a lot less then living on campus. My house was literally twenty minutes from the University of Pittsburgh.

I drove myself home, to my large house. It was empty, as both my parents were at work, and my little brother at school. I loved the quiet. It was perfect to think.

I threw my bag on the kitchen counter, with my keys, and ran up the stairs to my room. My room was unchanging through the years. The only thing that was different was that I removed the posters I had hanging on the wall of Allstar Weekend. It felt childish, still having them up.

I flopped onto the couch, and flipped on the TV. E News was on, and I sat there watching it. After ten minutes, I got bored, and decided to change it. Clicking on the guide, I started flipping through the channels. In the background, I heard the newscaster begin tell a new story.

“Does Zach Porter of Allstar Weekend have a new girlfriend? Stay tuned.”