Tragic the Way People Pass Her By

Eventually her sobs calmed down. The tears quit falling. Her breathing slowed. She pulled away from my chest, and looked into my eyes. Her hazel eyes sparkled. She looked so vulnerable. Hell, she was vulnerable. She took a deep breath.

“Thank you, Cameron.” She bit her lip. “Cameron… I have something I need to tell you.”

As she was taking a deep breath, the door to her room flew open. Standing in the doorway was one disheveled Zachary Porter.

Sarah immediately stiffened at the sight of him, and clung to me even tighter.

“Zach!” I exclaimed. His breathing was heavy, and his hair was a mess, flopping every which way. His cheeks flushed; his clothes wrinkly.

“Sarah,” he whispered. A single tear ran down his cheek, the light catching the trail it left behind. He staggered a few steps, his breathing racing even more with each step.

She remained frozen in my arms, not blinking, barely breathing now.
“I can’t do this,” she whispered, the words barely audible. She closed her eyes, and unwrapped herself from me. Pulling up her legs, she curled into the fetal position, burying her head.

Zach inched his way further over to the couch. I got up, and met him before he made it.

“Zach, she’s not ready for this. She’s not ready to see you.”

He didn’t say anything. A flash of anger appeared on his face, soon followed by a wave of disappointment and sadness.

“I have to.”

He pushed me aside and walked over to her. Cautiously, he sat down on the couch next to her. Taking a deep breath, he wrapped his arms around her. They stayed like that for what seemed like ages before one of them moved.

I stood frozen in the spot where Zach left me, scared of what was going to happen.

Sarah picked her head up from her knees to see Zach holding her.

“Z-Zach,” she whispered. The tears started flowing again down her cheeks. The words she spoke next were almost incomprehensible. “I’ve missed you.”

Zach pulled her in tighter, their bodies folding together like a puzzle. She rested her head against his muscular chest.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

Feeling awkward, I interrupted the two lovers. “I… uh… I’ll be downstairs.” I stammered awkwardly before turning and walking out of the door.

I was so angry. How could he just walk back in, and instantly be forgiven? Why does he think that giving her a hug will instantly make her better? Doesn’t he know what a mess she’s been? Doesn’t he know what he’s done to her? What this whole experience has done to her? What that week did to her? It screwed her up, and she’s still too fragile to stand up for herself. She’s willing to just forgive him the second he walked in the door, without remembering the pain she’s been in for the past few years.
She just threw that all away.

I walked into the kitchen, where Mrs. Clark was sitting at the table, eating by herself.

“Cameron,” she breathed a sigh of relief. “Zach just came in, and ran upstairs before I could stop him, and I got so nervous, but you’re here, and I guess that’s a good thing.”

“They’re up there talking and catching up,” I explained awkwardly. I drummed my fingers against the back of a chair, blowing air through my lips.

“Well, sit down, and let’s wait for them.”

(Sarah’s POV.)

I pulled myself out of his arms, and scooted to the other end of the couch. This wasn’t a good idea. After everything, I just can’t sit there, and go running back to his arms. He didn’t care about me this whole time. He can’t just waltz in here, give me a hug, and expect everything to go back to normal. I won’t let him. I won’t let me accept that. I fucking deserve more than that.

I sat there, and stared at him. I could feel his eyes wander over my body, scrutinizing every part. I know I look different. I am different. So is he.

Soon, his eyes turned away from me, and looked around the room. I heard him sigh as he took in my new style of décor. What can I say? I don’t feel anything anymore. I don’t want to feel anything. The walls are dark, like the thoughts I have now. It’s my sanctuary.

I closed my eyes, and rested my head against the couch again. My head was spinning. He was too close. I could smell his cologne. It brought back waves of memories. Us sitting on the couch, the first time I hugged him.

Suddenly, we were at the restaurant Lexie and I first met the guys. Primanti’s or something like that. We were sitting at a booth in the middle of the crowded restaurant waiting for our food to come. Lexie spotted them sitting in a corner booth. The guys were all laughing and talking with each other. That was the first time I ever saw Zach in person. After a few minutes of arguing, Lexie and I finally worked up the nerve to go over there and talk to them. They welcomed us into their booth with open arms. They were the nicest guys in the world. I slid onto the bench next to Zach. He looked at me his twinkling ocean blue eyes. “Hi, I’m Zach!” he said to me, and then pulled me into a hug. He smelled exactly the same as he does now. I remember the first conversation we had. Something about ponies and how Cameron is a dork. I remember us skipping down the street singing. You could have sworn that we had known each other for years by the easiness we had with each other. The first time he sang to me, I swear I was the luckiest girl in the world. I thought nothing could stop me back then. I thought I was invincible.

“Sarah,” he whispered to me. I slowly picked my head up. He was still there. He was watching me, with wondering eyes. “You’ve changed so much.”

“H-happens,” I stutter. I look away. I couldn’t look at him anymore. It hurt too much.

“Sarah, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry that this happened to you. I’m sorry that I let you go. I’m sorry that I acted like I didn’t care. I’m sorry that I just let you come home, and never tried to talk you again. I never should have done that. I should have helped you. I should have found you sooner. I should have met up with you sooner at the shop. I should have done so many things. I shouldn’t have just left you here.”

“I’ve dealt with it. You don’t need to be here. I was fine. I am fine.” I lied.

He started chuckling. He shook his head. He inched over to me, and cupped my cheek with one of his hands.

“Look at me,” he asked. I met his command, and picked up my eyes. His eyes instantly captured mine. He spoke again, with a sense of urgency. “You have not dealt with it. Look at you. You’ve lost at least 30 pounds. Hell, I thought you were skinny before. You can see your bones, Sarah. That’s not healthy. That’s not dealing with it. Look at your eyes. Bloodshot and swollen with bags underneath. Not sleeping, is not dealing with it. Changing your room is not dealing with it. Changing your style is not dealing with it. Not going out is not dealing with it. Not talking to anyone is not dealing with it. Sarah, you’re not dealing with it. You’re not ‘fine’. You’re not fucking fine.”

I broke his gaze, and looked at the floor. Stains were everywhere. I didn’t even care.

“Sarah, I know you’re still in there. The Sarah that I knew is still in there, somewhere inside this front you’re putting on.”

“You don’t know me,” I spit. Everything he said ran true; I just didn’t want to hear it. It hurt too much to hear it. I didn’t want to let go of what happened. It was my one connection to the happiest time in my life. I had a boyfriend, I had a job, and I was doing what I loved. It was all true.

“I know you more than you think. Yeah, I’ve been gone for the past three years. That doesn’t mean that I stopped caring. Ask any of the guys. I never stopped caring. I never saw another girl. Every night I dreamt of you. Every song I wrote was about you. It was always you. It always will be. Those few months we spent together on tour were the best of my life. I’d do anything to go back to them. I love you, Sarah. And I hate myself for what happened to you. I’m just so sorry.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block everything out. My mind was racing. My head ached.

I could hear sobs coming from Zach. I opened my eyes to see him curled up at the end of the couch once more. His long brown hair fell in front of his eyes, somewhat hiding the tears that were freely falling from his eyes.

“I’ve missed you so much, Sarah. And it is tearing me apart inside to see how you’ve dealt with this. You’re a mess. I’m a mess,” he whispered through his sobs.

“I know,” I replied. Before I knew it, the familiar sense of dizziness appeared, and I passed out.

Hours later, I found myself sprawled on my bed. My bedside clock said that it was 3 in the morning. My head still ached. Stretching, I flung my feet over the side of my bed.

That’s when I saw him.

Sleeping on the floor next to my bed was a Zach Porter.

That’s when the memories of yesterday hit me. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t feel anything.

I can’t deal with this.