You Are What You Are.

My eyes shot open, and the amazing feelings I was having left my body as the bedroom door flew open, revealing Nick standing there. His eyes were wide with shock, and his jaw almost hit the floor.

"NICK!!!" I screamed, pushing Jake off of my naked, sweaty body and frantically grabbed my underwear off of the floor, trying to put it on.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON-IS THIS WHAT YOU DO WHEN I'M ON FUCKING TOUR, SKYE?!? WHO THE FUCK IS THIS, WHAT IN THE HELL-WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!!" Nick screamed at me. I told Jake to get dressed and leave, which he tried to do, but as he almost got out Nick grabbed him by the back of his shirt and punched him square in the nose.

"NOW GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND AND MY HOUSE!" Jake ran about as fast as his legs could carry him, all the while blood gushing down his face.

"Nick, what are you doing here.....you were supposed to be on tour for another week-..." I stopped talking as I realized what I had said, which only infuriated Nick more.

"OH, SORRY I WANTED TO SURPRISE MY GIRLFRIEND BY COMING HOME A WEEK EARLIER, GUESS I SHOULD HAVE CALLED TO MAKE SURE YOU WEREN'T FUCKING SOME RANDOM GUY IN OUR BED!" I burst into tears as he started throwing shit and breaking practically everything in our bedroom.

"Nick, please stop and just let me talk to you!!" I grabbed his arm and tried to hug him, sobbing, but he pushed me away. "Get the fuck away from me, you're fucking filthy!" He screamed right in my face. "AND WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO SAY TO ME?! HUH?!?"

"Please, let me talk!" I screamed as he picked up a photo frame and threw it at the wall behind me, effectively breaking it.

"YOU FUCKING...I CAN'T EVEN- FUCK, I CAN'T EVEN TALK RIGHT!" He stormed out of the room and I followed him into the kitchen, watching him break more shit of ours.

"NICK, STOP!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I stared at him as he threw a glass at the wall, shattering. I stood silent, the only sound in the whole house being Nick's heavy, angry breathing.

"Nick, baby..." I started crying again. He wouldn't even look at me. "Can I talk?"

He didn't reply. His eyes were shut tight, and he was still breathing heavily. I watched as his eyes slowly peeled open, and that's when I saw the tears falling down his cheeks. I felt my heart breaking, now wondering how the hell I could do this to my boyfriend that I loved more than anything.

"Start fucking talking before I walk out of here and never come back." He practically growled. I gulped and tried to stop crying, but I failed.

"Nick, I-I-I-....I-I d-don't-t-t kn-n-ow why I-I....I just, I-I-I w-was l-l-l-l-lonely.....Nick, I'm sorry!" I wailed. He didn't buy it though, I could see it in his eyes when he finally looked at me.

"You're fucking lying." I shook my head wildly, walking over to him and grabbing his hands. He ripped his away like he had just touched fire. "You're lying, you......why would you do this?!" I looked down, crying silently. He roughly grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him straight in the eye. "Why? WHY?!"

"Because I m-miss you....and I-I just, I need someone.....I, I'm sorry......God, I'm so sorry, Nick!" His eyes burned with anger. He pushed me away, again.

"YOU CHEATED ON ME BECAUSE YOU MISS ME?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?" Suddenly, he started laughing. "CAN YOU SAY, "LIAR"?!" He walked over to the couch and sat down, putting his head in his hands. "You cheated on me because you missed me.......that is the biggest fucking lie I've ever heard in my whole entire life, Skye."

"Nick, I'm not lying!" I cried. I ran over and sat next to him, and he responded by getting up and sitting on the other couch. "I miss you, because you're on tour all the time, and I'm lonely and...I just..."

"SO YOU CHEAT ON ME?! Fuck, do you know how much I miss you when I'M on tour?! Some nights I don't even want to play the fucking show, I just wanna go home to you! But I don't, because I know I can't, and I don't cheat on YOU because of it!!" I choked back my sobs the best I could and wiped at my eyes, black eye makeup smudging all over my hands.

"Nick, please.....I'm so-" He stood up and started walking towards the door. "Where are you going?!"

"I'm leaving. I can't deal with this...I can't even look at you right now." His voice cracked towards the end, and he walked out, leaving me there.

$$$

I didn't sleep at all last night, all I could do was cry and cry and cry, and then cry some more. Oh, and on top of that, I cried.

I don't know how I could be so stupid, to cheat on the guy who's been nothing but amazing to me. Who's loved me, no matter what. Who was the sweetest and nicest guy on the planet, who always told me I was beautiful even when I knew I looked down-right like a pile of dog shit. Who's never once hurt me, who's always been there for me, who's always told me how much he loves me.....

I could go on and on and on, but that would just make me feel even more like a heartless bitch. And trust me when I say I'm feeling that enough right now.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when my cell rang. I blindly grabbed it off of the nightstand (yes, I was still lying in bed.) and pressed the "Answer" button, not bothering to see who it was.

"Hello?" I croaked.

"Hey-" My eyes shot open as I heard Nick's voice. I quickly sat up. "-I'm gonna be there in a few minutes so we can talk."

"O-oh, um, OK.....see you in a few." He responded with a simple "alright" before hanging up. I shot up and out of bed and ran into the bathroom. I shuddered at my severe bedhead, puffy eyes, red cheeks and nose, and tear stained face. I quickly brushed my teeth, then splashed some cold water on my face. I attempted to brush out the mother load of knots I had in my long, black hair, but it was pretty much damn near impossible. I sighed as I heard the front door open, telling me Nick was here.

I walked out of the bathroom and into the living room, seeing Nick already sitting on the couch. He glanced at me and motioned for me to come over and sit next to him. I sniffled and did so. I glanced around the house and saw there was still broken belongings all over the place. Nick and I sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke.

"You have no idea how crushed I am, Skye. No idea." He spoke quietly, but you could still hear the hint of anger in his voice. I felt the tears coming on again. "All I want to know is why. That's all I want to know."

"I told you, I-I was lonely.....Nick, I was desperate, I went to a bar, I didn't even fucking get drunk....but, I-I...he came up to me and we started dancing, and......" His eyes locked with mine, hurt washing over his face.

"So you intentionally cheated on me...?" I lowered my head and sobbed quietly. "Technically, yes......but let me finish." I looked back up at him, and he urged for me to continue. "Yes, I.....intentionally...cheated...but I knew it was only going to be that one time, I knew it was because I was lonely, and...desperate, and I knew it would mean absolutely nothing."

He stared at me. "That's fucking pathetic." He spat. I started crying again as he continued to speak. "After everything, everything I''ve done for you, you do this to me. You had the INTENTION to do this to me, this wasn't some drunken mistake, you INTENDED to CHEAT on me! How could you do this to me?!" I sobbed and put my face in my hands. "Nick, I'm sorry!"

"I can tell you're lying with the way you're saying that." He spoke angrily. I snapped my head to look up at him.

"I'm not lying! Nick, please forgive me...you know I love you-"

"You love me so much that you cheated on me intentionally? Wow, what a great girlfriend of 2 fucking years you are!" He stood up and walked into the kitchen.

"Look, I'm trying to apologize! I feel like shit, Nick; I feel like a dirty, useless, filthy fucking whore who doesn't deserve you! I didn't sleep at all last night, all I did was cry and regret everything!" He stared at me with his arms crossed over his chest. "You have NO idea how sorry I am, I'd do whatever you want me to to prove it!" I sniffled and wiped the tears off of my cheeks. He sighed shakily and ran a hand through his black and part-green hair.

"I know I hurt you, Nick..."

"Don't get me started-" He chuckled a little, sadly. "It breaks my heart. It fucking breaks my heart to even imagine you having.......sex with another guy." His face scrunched up in disgust.

"I'm sorry. I really am. You know how in love I am with you, you know how much I love you....." I whispered. "And you know I'm not lying." He shook his head and sighed again.

"I.....I'm just heart broken right now. You cheated on me. I would never in a million years hurt you like that." I sobbed and walked towards him. "That's why I don't deserve someone like you." I cried. "You're the most amazing boyfriend I've ever had. You're the sweetest boyfriend I've ever had...you're the most loving boyfriend I've ever had....."

I broke down crying, my knees becoming weak. I almost fell to the floor, but Nick caught me and held me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in the crook of it, crying my eyes out. His arms tightened around my body and I felt him start shaking slightly.

"I love you, Nickie." I sobbed.

"No matter what you do, I love you too, Skye." He whispered.

We stood there for a few minutes like that, just holding each other. Finally, I pulled away a little and looked at him. "Can we please try to fix this?" I choked out. He wiped my tears away gently and nodded.

"We can try."