I Sing Songs About the Past

"Are you ready Layla?" I called up to my sixteen year old daughter. It had been twelve years to this date since my son Leo had died. "Your dad's waiting and you know how fucking touchy he can be!"
"I'm coming mom!" she called back down to me. Just like me and her dad she took a ridiculous amount of time getting ready. Her dad. Alexander William Gaskarth of All Time Low. Who was still busy being a rockstar. We loved it though, we all went together as a family, and Layla had an on board tutour so she didn't miss out on any school.

I stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for my daughter. She had grown so much it was unbelievable. I could remember when she was first born. Oh, how she used to love hearing mine and Alex's story. The young romance, the drama, the pain, the loss but most of all the love.

"Finally! Get into the car before your dad flips his lid!" I said laughing and shoving her out of the house infront of me but no before I too a moment to appriciate the Glamour Kills she was wearing. Boy did she have style.. Before locking the door I picked up the angel ornament that I had gotten just for this moment. We did this every year. We left him with something different every year, always something we think he would have liked to match the age he should have been.

I sat in the car, fiddling the ornament in my hands. I was nervous. I always cried whenever we did this. Alex and Layla too but they put themselves aside and thought about me. I did have a perfect family, the only thing missing was our son. I always imagined him to look like an equal mix between me and Alex. I just wished he could be here with us. But everything happens for a reason.

Alex placed a hand on one of my own and squeezed lightly. "You'll be fine Jasey. We'll be fine." he whispered so that only I could hear him. I nodded tearfully at him and turned my focus to the back of the car where Layla was sat on her phone.
Although she was only young when Leo was born and died she could remember things about him and ofcourse being his older sister she missed him alot.

"I hope you're not texting any boys there Layles!" I said winking at her.
"Only Oliver, but he doesn't really count as a boy to me." she replied shrugging. Oliver had been her bestfriend since she started school and they'd been inseperable ever since. Heck, we'd even let them have sleepovers. Even Alex didn't mind and he's really protective of Layla. He knows she's beautiful and doesn't want guys to treat her the way he treated girls when he was younger. Both of us could see it though, that little spark that Alex and I had and still do have. The one that starts out as friendship but you both know, deep down you want something more but aren't sure of what to say.

I laughed lightly, "Oh you two! I swear you'll end up like your dad and me! Only without all the drama."
"Mom! Shutup!" Layla snapped hiding her face in her hands.
"Yeah, Jasey, shutup. I don't want to think of my only daughter with boys. She knows the rules, no boyfriends until she moves out."
"Daddy, that's hardly fair!" pouted Layla.
"All's fair in love and war sweetie." replied Alex.
"Not in this fucking case." she replied crossing her arms and taking a vow of silence.

Alex parked in the cemetary car park and looked at me. "You ready?" he asked me. I replied with a simple and short nod. We left the car and began on the short walk to Leo's grave. Alex took his hand in mine and linked his other arm with Layla's. The walk was silent and painful, but I knew if any of us spoke we'd cry.

A tall, skinny figure stood over Leo's grave. I recognised it straight away as Jack's. Ever faithful as my bestfriend he'd turned up, just like he did every year. Because he missed him too, because he was practically Jack's nephew.

"Hi Jack." I said quietly as we approached.
"Hey guys. Hi Layla." he said giving her a hug and slipping her something that looked suspiciously like a twenty dollar bill. I shook my head dissaprovingly at him, sometimes he spoiled her more than we did.
"Well, I'm going now but I'll be round at your place later." he said smirking.
"When aren't you there?" said Alex as he rolled his eyes. Jack flipped him off and then waved bye to us. I made a mental note to thank him for everything later on.

My hand shook free from Alex's and I kneeled down infront of the headstone. Although it had been twelve years I could still clearly make out the inscription on it. The voice that I spoke to my son in was barely audible, but I knew he was listening. I could just feel it around me.

"Hey, it's been another year and it still doesn't get any easier. It was your 12th birthday the other day. Madness, I know. But as always we celebrated you because even though we only got short time with you, you were the best son ever. I'm not gonna say much more because I think I talk to you far too much anyways and you're probably getting bored of me. I love you Leo. I'll see you soon angel." I kissed my fingers and then placed them onto his headstone and left the angel ornament in it's place.

Layla wrapped me in her arms the second I stood up, the tears had spilled over her brown eyes. I hugged her back and wiped her tears and then my own. Alex finished saying his piece and then joined us in a hug. All of us were still crying in eachothers arms until Layla stepped back and looked at us.

"We shouldn't cry," she said wiping her eyes, "He's at peace. You're both amazing parents and he didn't feel anything. And he's safe from the worlds corruptancy."
"You really are you fathers daughter Layles." I said hugging her.
"What can I say, I was raised good." she smiled.
"Come on, let's go. Jack'll be waiting.." I said pulling my family along.

As we walked back to the car I looked up to the sky. The sun was shining and there was not a cloud in the sky. A small white feather fell from nowhere at stroked my face.
I knew it was him.

"Mommy loves you Leo, always."