Status: completed. :)
Voicemail Memoir of a Breakup
Only.
"Hi, Paul. It's Matt. Joey told me while he visited you yesterday you consumed two colid pounds of Stouffer's lasagna. I am now not only fearful of your heart, but now for your digestive system. PLEASE do not destroy your colon and small intestines because of Lisa. Because, she was kind of a bitch. Remeber that time we all wanted to play Life, but.."
Message deleted. Next message sent today at 11:08.
"Hey, Paul. It's Matt again. So you are probably pissed that I called Lisa a bitch, but I don't care. I heard she kicked a homeless man once. And all he wanted was a dollar for some Campbell's chicken noodle soup."
Message deleted. Next message sent today at 11:39.
"Joey here. Matt said you aren't returning any of his calls, and your doorman happened to mention you haven't left your room. Man, you gotta cut it out. I heard about Lisa trying to punt the homeless lady with breast cancer, and you just don't need that kind of woman in your life anway, bro. TRUST ME. Give me a call when you are going to resume in your life."
Message deleted. Next Message sent today at 12:22 PM.
"So I googled how long it takes for human flesh to rot, and it's not looking good for ya, man. If you are inhaling anything leaning towards the fungal family, then you should GET YOUR ASS OF THE COUCH. I don't want to try to pick of chicks with a mushroom ass as my wingman."
Message deleted. Next message sent today at 12:40 PM.
"Matt again. Dirty Dancing is on HBO. Since you have housed your cock so long in your own popcorn digesting filth, I have decided it is demorphing into a vagina and you should know that. That's all."
Message deleted. End of Messages.
Message deleted. Next message sent today at 11:08.
"Hey, Paul. It's Matt again. So you are probably pissed that I called Lisa a bitch, but I don't care. I heard she kicked a homeless man once. And all he wanted was a dollar for some Campbell's chicken noodle soup."
Message deleted. Next message sent today at 11:39.
"Joey here. Matt said you aren't returning any of his calls, and your doorman happened to mention you haven't left your room. Man, you gotta cut it out. I heard about Lisa trying to punt the homeless lady with breast cancer, and you just don't need that kind of woman in your life anway, bro. TRUST ME. Give me a call when you are going to resume in your life."
Message deleted. Next Message sent today at 12:22 PM.
"So I googled how long it takes for human flesh to rot, and it's not looking good for ya, man. If you are inhaling anything leaning towards the fungal family, then you should GET YOUR ASS OF THE COUCH. I don't want to try to pick of chicks with a mushroom ass as my wingman."
Message deleted. Next message sent today at 12:40 PM.
"Matt again. Dirty Dancing is on HBO. Since you have housed your cock so long in your own popcorn digesting filth, I have decided it is demorphing into a vagina and you should know that. That's all."
Message deleted. End of Messages.