Redemption.

“So, uh, how have you been Gemma?” her former friend voiced beside her. Gemma narrowed her eyes in on him as she replied.

“Great,” she answered shortly. “Just great.”

“That’s uh…that’s good,” he replied, running his hand through his shaggy brownish blonde locks. An awkward silence ensued and the tension that seemed to be growing between them became extremely thick.

“I was sitting by the window and saw you walk out here. What are you doing out here this late at night?” he said, breaking the unbearable silence. It took Gemma less than two seconds to come up with a witty remark, one she knew would piss him off a bit.

“Exactly what it looks like I’m doing. Sitting on a swing.” Gemma slightly grinned when she noticed the boy beside her cringe and purse his lips. She always knew how to get under his skin and she prided herself in being able to do so.

“Still a smartass I see,” he remarked. She bobbed her head and her grin turned into somewhat of a smirk.

“Yeah well, some things never really change. But then again, some things do.” She gave him a pointed look and John groaned, tilting his head up toward the moon. He knew where this conversation was going and he didn’t like it one bit. This wasn’t the reason he came to talk to her.

“Gemma…I—”

“Hey, just sayin’. Take it for what it’s worth. But cut the small talk bullshit John. What do you want?” she cut him off before he could say anything further. Silence, once again, crept up upon the two as they stayed firmly rooted in the seat of their swing. Out of the corner of her eye Gemma could see John open his mouth and close it, like he was going to say something but decided against it. Gemma sighed and moved her gaze down to her feet, where she was making swirl patterns in the grass. The tension was quite unbearable for John and he finally mumbled a few words aloud, words he had failed to voice only a few minutes prior. Gemma quickly shot her head in his direction with her eyebrows scrunched together.

“What was that?” she asked.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a mousy voice, one that was still too quiet for Gemma to hear.

“You have to speak louder John,” she said, her voice raising an octave.

“I said I’m sorry,” he said louder, his eyes staring directly into Gemma’s. She stared at him for a second before letting out a dry laugh and slightly shaking her head. John knew that he had just opened the door to a conversation he wasn’t ready to have and he instantly regretted it.

“Really now?” she said with sarcasm. “It took four years for me to finally receive an apology. I just—I honestly don’t care if you’re sorry, John. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to accept your apology, especially if it’s a half-ass and insincere one.”

John closed his eyes and heavily sighed. He knew that this wouldn’t be easy. Hell, things were never easy when it came to Gemma.

“I—Gemma I’m honest to god sorry. I know what I did was wrong,” he said to her softly.

“Well it’s not like you can go back and change things now. What’s done is done John and you made sure of that. Remember this,” she said pointing to John and then herself, “this was all you.”

John let out an aggravated groan. “I know I can’t change things, but look Gemma, I just wanna make them right.”

Gemma quickly hopped out of her swing and stood in front of John, pointing her finger accusingly toward him. John was taken aback by her sudden movements and knew that he’d overstepped his boundaries.

“Stop kidding yourself. We both know that things won’t ever be right between us again John. Why the hell are you doing this? Is this some sort of sick joke?” she hissed at him, trying to keep her voice low enough so the neighbors wouldn’t wander outside and watch the scene that was about to unfold. Who did he think he was, barging right back into her life after he's the one who so easily walked out of it in the first place. “You know what? I don’t need this,” she concluded.

“Gemma, just hear me out…” John quickly pleaded as Gemma began to turn around. Hearing this though, she whipped around again and glared at him. She was at her wits end with him.

“No John, you listen,” she seethed. “You expect me to just let you make things right, but I don’t think you deserve shit. You are the one who created this mess and it’s too late to salvage it. You chose the band over me, and even thought I get it now, at the time it was the most fucked up thing you could have done.”

Any hopes Gemma had of keeping her voice down was pretty much thrown out of the window. She was absolutely furious that John just expected her to bow down and forgive him. This was years of pent up frustration and anger that was finally being released and this conversation with him was far overdue. It took everything in her being to not reach over and slap him as hard as she could in the face for all of the damage, heartache, and chaos he caused.

“I don’t think you even understand how cruel you were to me John. You made so many promises to me and I had so much faith in you to believe that they were true.”

John was caught completely off-guard by her tone of voice. John knew in the back of his mind that this was going to be a possible outcome. He knew that he had this coming. He knew that he deserved every single insult that she threw at him.

“Every promise I made I intended to keep,” he quietly muttered. She glared even more, more than John thought it was even possible for someone to glare.

“Intended to keep?” she furiously shouted. John winced when she threw her hands up in the air and casted his gaze toward the tall grass below him. She took deep breaths trying to calm herself down before she continued. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you saying that you never really meant the promises you made? Just hoped that you would be able to keep them? You really are pathetic John.”

John quickly shook his head and looked Gemma dead in the eye and said, “Gemma I swear. I meant everything I said and did.”

Gemma let out a wicked laugh and then got serious almost instantly.

“You swear? You couldn’t keep a promise or actually tell the truth if your life depended on it. It’s not like these were insignificant promises, John. I trusted you and you shit all over that trust.”

“I know the promis—” John began, but Gemma immediately cut him off.

“You promised me time and time again that you’d always tell me the truth, no matter how harsh or how much I didn’t want to hear it. But you kept some pretty big secrets from me John.

“I never kept—”

“You never what? Kept secrets from me?” Gemma scoffed, “Don’t play stupid. I know all about those parties that led up to your “departure”. Went out with quite a bang didn’t you? Literally. You know, you also promised me that I’d always be the one you would do anything for. But more important things came along didn’t they? Like the alcohol and the band sluts that would do anything to be another notch in your bedpost?”

Gemma’s rant began to get more vicious as she rambled on. John sighed and kept completely silent, not even attempting to defend himself.

That became painfully obvious when you used some pathetic excuse to break up me just so you can go fuck around with other girls while you were on tour. You didn't even have the balls to at least own up to why you were ending things.”

“But you know what promise I wish I never would have believed in the first place?” she solemnly asked. John looked up from the ground and stared at Gemma’s stone-like expression. “I was promised that I’d lever be left alone. Gullible me right? I was stupid enough to think that someone would actually stick around for once; stupid enough to believe you always had the best intentions. I put so much faith in you and I trusted you with everything I had. It’s mind blowing to me that you didn’t care how much of an impact your words had on me. I just don't understand how someone could be so heartless.”

A pang of guilt instantly hit John and he started to feel sick to his stomach. Even though Gemma maintained her composure he knew that she was hurt, extremely[/i ] hurt. She roughly shoved her fingers through her hair, pushing it out of her face and let out a somewhat shaky breath.

“You tossed me to the side so you could be a free man while you were on the road. ”

“I never meant to hurt you Gemma,” John quietly spoke. “I was stupid and reckless and I wasn’t thinking straight. Those things I said to you the day I left for Warped Tour…I know none of it was right.”

Gemma nodded her head in agreement to the last part of his reply. Everything John said that day was completely out of line. He said words to her that no girl should ever have to hear.

“I’ve always wondered how it always came so easy to you. You have this natural ability of breaking girls’ hearts and then stomping on it just to make sure that it’s completely shattered. I don’t get how you can just hurt a person like that. You build them up so high and then shatter their life in a matter of seconds,” Gemma calmly posed. The anger seemed to be subsiding, for now at least. John didn’t know what to say or how to even approach a question like that, so he stayed silent. Gemma continued to stand and John continued to watch her stare off in the distance.

Gemma finally broke the silence with a few simple words.

“I loved you so much John, maybe too much even. It’s like that didn’t even matter to you,” she voiced, returning her gaze back to the lanky boy whom she used to call her boyfriend. John felt a new wave of guilt hit him and he felt terrible. All he could do was apologize because he didn’t know what else to say.

“Gemma- I – I’m so sorry. I fucked up okay? You didn’t deserve that at all.”

“Your damn right I didn’t!” Gemma bellowed. “After you left I hit rock bottom. I kept telling myself that maybe I just wasn’t good enough for you, that I didn’t deserve a guy like you. It got to a point where I wished so badly that I had never met you. I wanted to be your everything, but you ended up making me feel like I was nothing.

“Time is kind of a funny thing though. It took awhile, but I finally realized that it was you who didn’t deserve me. You used me John. I guess I was just too blinded back then to really see it; to see you for who you truly are.”

John suddenly became desperate to put an end to this conversation. He didn’t want to hear about the extent to which he hurt her. He didn’t want to know about the heartache he caused or the damage he was responsible for. He wanted to change the subject because he couldn’t deal with it anymore; he didn’t want to carry a burden even bigger than what he already had.

“I don’t think you were ever really capable of actually loving someone.”

“Gemma, I did love you. God, I’ve missed you like fucking crazy,” he said out of desperation. Gemma shook her head before she even processed what he said and slowly began to back away from John and the swing set. There was no way she was going down that road again.

“It’s getting late, I should get back home to my parents,” she said monotonously, ignoring his pathetic plea for forgiveness.

“Since when have you ever worried about it being late? Can’t you just stay and talk with me? We did this all the time back in high school, we’d stay out till like two in the morning,” John cried out, attempting to reel Gemma back in toward the swing set.

“We’re not seventeen anymore,” she shrugged. Gemma turned her back towards him and walked a couple of steps further away from him. John knew that this was probably the only chance he would really get to have some sort of one-on-one conversation, and he didn’t want to let her go easily.

“Gemma!” he cried out. She abruptly stopped and slowly turned around to face his direction. “I’m not the same stupid kid I was four years ago.” John intently stared at her and waited for a reply. Gemma made him sweat it out for a bit before she sighed and slowly shook her head. John let out a quiet sigh of relief.

“Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t. It doesn’t make much of a difference now, does it? You left, I left, and we’ve both grown up. Things won’t ever be the same and you know that. You just choose not to believe it.”

“I regret it all Gemma,” John blubbered. Gemma heard his voice crack in the middle of his outburst and for some reason if made her happy. Gemma looked at John and saw the desperation and sadness in his eyes. It was then that she realized that he was actually being sincere. She couldn’t believe that the John O’Callaghan was actually letting himself become so vulnerable in front of a girl.

"You wanna know something, John?”

He earnestly shook his head.

“I find some fucked up satisfaction in knowing that you regret everything you said and did,” she continued, “I’ve learned to accept it, but at one point you really fucked up my world. As sad as it sounds, it’s good to know that I’ve managed to finally make you feel something real. So you know what John? I accept your apology. I forgive you.”

With that, Gemma turned around once more and slowly made her way to the sidewalk as John stared at her back in awe and amazement. He slowly rose from the swing and the breeze began to pick up. Leaves began to swirl around and bounce along the grass. Standing there, watching Gemma slowly make her way to her home, John knew that there was absolutely no way he could ever get back the friendship he once had with Gemma. He knew that he made the wrong decision when he left Gemma high and dry for a shot at fame and a chance to hook up with random girls from all over the country. When he left for Warped Tour with his band four years ago, he thought that he would have the time of his life, but instead, it was his own personal hell. He didn’t have the girl he loved by his side or his best friend singing along to all of his songs on the side of the stage. Instead, he had girls he didn’t even want fawning all over him.

John left Gemma in some abandoned parking lot and watched her crumble from his tour bus window as it drove away. For four years he clinged to memories in hopes of somehow meeting Gemma again to right his wrongs. John knew that Gemma was spot on when she called him a heartbreaker and, for the first time in his life, the roles were finally reversed. Now he was the one that was all alone, confused, and speechless.

Gemma continued to place one foot in front of the other and stare mindlessly ahead toward her home.

And just like that she was swept back into the whirlwind that is John O’Callaghan.