I'm New to This

I’m sitting--squished, might I add--in between two of the tall boys in our assorted group of surfers. The group is spread out through Liam’s house, most of us squished on this couch. The girls are sitting on the ground in front of us, though. And Liam’s getting food in the kitchen.

All-in-all, it’s just a very weird situation. I mean, what am I really doing here? I’m literally only here to be squished.

But enough of me being angsty.

“I’m just going to squeeze in here,” I hear suddenly. It was the short girl, and she was trying to sit next to me.

“Argh!” I exclaimed in a not-very-serious way. “There’s no room!”

She clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. “Sure there is!”

Obviously, there was no convincing her otherwise. When she finally made it between me and the boy who used to be sitting next to me, I was so contorted and squished and squeezed, I didn’t know which is what is where. And then, all of a sudden, she just takes my arm and throws it over her shoulder, saying it will ‘save space’.

Uh-huh.

And this was really awkward because now it was obvious she liked me, in some fucked up way because hey! I’m apparently turning gay here, and not really attracted to girls so I don’t know what the fuck she was thinking. But, of course, it’s not like she knows. It’s not like anyone knows. I mean, fuck! I can feel my face getting hot just thinking about this!

Shoot, stop thinking about this!

And so, there I am, sitting with my arm around some girl I don’t even know the name of, with a red face. It probably looks like I like her or something. Great.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I look to Liam, who has just appeared from the kitchen with a few sandwiches in his hands. He’s looking at me and the girl with an angry face.

“What? Felix and I are just… getting a bit closer,” she says, ending it by giving me a smile. If I could produce a bead of sweat and pull at my collar without looking like a freak, I would. Well, actually… I probably wouldn’t.

“Shit, Lisa, stop it. Leave him alone,” Liam says with a groan and a bitter tone.

“What does it matter to you?” Lisa spouts, crossing her arms and leaning into me. I bite my lip and my cheeks begin to grow darker. Great. This is such a grrrreat day.

“Look!” Liam exclaimed, pointing at me suddenly. Lisa neglected to look, but everyone else did. “Look at him! He doesn’t want you hanging all over him, so just move your fucking ass--”

“What are you yelling about?” I hear a voice yell from afar.

I know that voice. Shit, I know that voice.

My head shoots to where it’s emitting from instantly. And I’m right; It’s Owen.

And he looks at me. For a moment, our eyes connect, and I feel so stupid because my face is so red. Once I realize that he’s still staring, I awkwardly move my arm from around Lisa to rest by my side.

“Owen,” Liam says in a surprised tone. “When did you come down here?”

Owen just shrugs at Liam as he’s still looking at me. “Keep it quiet, will you?” then Owen turns and leaves.

I quickly look back in front of me. My heart is beating a mile a minute. I can’t…. I can’t breath. Shit. What’s happening to me?

“Felix, come with me!” Liam exclaimed. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me to my feet.

“Wait, what?” I asked hopelessly as he pulled me into the kitchen. But when we finally got there, he just stood still.

After a few more seconds of what I’m assuming is hard thinking on his part, Liam speaks. “Felix?”

“..Yeah?” I respond, becoming a little bit unsure of what exactly is happening right now. I mean, Liam is acting weird. More than usual. He began to pace a little bit. That is, until he seemed to realize something.

I watched as he made an effort to peek his head out into the other room. I couldn’t see what he did, but after only a moment or two, he pulled his head back in and shut the door to the kitchen. Then he turned to me.

“Felix.” he stated. I waited for him to continue. He was about to say something, but then he stopped. He keeps doing this thing where he’ll begin to speak or open his mouth to speak, then stop short and begin pacing again. It’s beginning to drive me crazy.

“Liam, what?”

Then, Liam suddenly stopped and took a deep breath.

Oh God. What have I gotten myself into? Right before he says it, I realize what he’s doing.

“Felix,” he begins, grabbing me at my sides in a dramatic way. I don’t see how it adds to the situation, but whatever Liam. But then, he says it. “I think I like you.”

“… What?” I ask astounded.

“No, no… I like you.” he restates, taking out the ‘think’, and completely ignoring my little protest of a word.

What do you say to that? I already sort of knew, but… c’mon. He barely knows me! Which is exactly what I say.

“Liam, I’ve only known you for a few weeks!” I say, maneuvering my arms so that I’m now holding onto Liam’s forearms, which are holding onto mine… and all in the attempt to sort of push him away. But he won’t let go.

“So? Haven’t you liked someone immediately?”

Shit. I think to myself, the image of Owen popping into my head. He got me there.

Knowing that I really can’t argue this, I stay silent with nothing more to say. But I do manage to shake my head.

“Felix, I really do like you.” Liam reassures me, like as if it helps.

Still, I say nothing. Liam still has his grip on me, so I can’t run away from this situation. How do I even…?

“Felix… can I--… Can I kiss you?”

I’m snapped out of my thoughts immediately.

“What?” I say, breaking my silence.

“Even if you don’t believe me,” he says. “Just one kiss, please.”

For a moment, I think of Owen. Where is he? Upstairs? In his room? Would he even be mad if he saw me kissing his brother?

And then I remember this little detail. Oh, yeah. They’re brothers. In one big brain whorl-pool, my curiosity takes over.

“..Okay.” I say. Liam smiles pretty big and he takes in a shaky, excited breath.

I watch as he quickly grows evidently nervous. He gulps, his Adams apple bobbing up and down.

It’s kind of like Owen’s, I think to myself. I don’t recall noticing this attribute on Owen, but for some reason I know of it. Then I notice Liam’s bone structure; it’s so similar to Owen’s… and his lips. They have the same lips.

I wonder if they’ll kiss the same.

The curiosity runs rampant inside me as I await Liam’s kiss. I watch him finally lean in and close his eyes, puckering his lips a little. Liam kisses me on the lips; the instant our lips touch, I can feel his grip tighten on my arms. And as soon as it began, it ended and Liam was standing straight once more.

They may have the same lips, but these brothers are the farthest from similar. All Liam did was a peck. How could I have thought he would kiss like Owen? Owen kisses like… well, he’s a lot more intense. A lot.

“I’m going to go back out, you should stay in here for a while longer,” Liam says, bringing my attention back to him and out of my thoughts. I look up at him, and he’s smiling like an idiot except now he has this idiot-glow to him. But what gets me is that he smiling down at me with this smug look to his eyes.

“Why?” I ask. He smiles even bigger.

“Because your face just got really flushed.” he states with pride. Then he turns and leaves the room.

I stay in the kitchen for a little while, mostly thinking about Owen.

“Now I’ve kissed both of them, which is really fucked up…” I mumbled under my breath really quietly. I didn't want anyone to hear, after all.