Status: Revamped. I've also decided to take a darker turn than I had intended for which people may disapprove (if I ever make it to the end). I actually haven't had anyone to bounce ideas so message me if you'd like to help. Subscribe/comment if you like it!
Shambles
Chapter 9
I spent the rest of the day going late to my classes so I wouldn’t be forced to sit next to Brian or Janine. It wasn’t too difficult for me since they sat in the back together, reveling in the popularity football brought Brian. I sat next to the door for an easy escape. I refused to even stop by my locker on the way out of school after last period. I decided to go out the side through the auditorium so that I wouldn’t accidentally run into Laura and Holly either, in case they wanted to try to fix the situation or make it worse. I never knew what those two were going to be up to next or whose side they would be on.
I peeked into the auditorium to make sure there wasn’t a club meeting going on and when I found it empty I invited myself inside. This place had been my home for two and a half years, but after last fall I couldn’t handle the emotions performing brought up for me. I took a seat in a row and stared at the stage.
A year ago everything had been so different. I was popular- as popular as a theater junkie could be. I had been voted captain of the soccer team as a junior. I had been ready to take a huge step in my relationship with Aaron, I thought I loved him...
My mom and sister had been alive.
When they were taken from me I had tried to continue on as usual. It was all an attempt to not show a weakness, bottling up the feelings I should have let free. After my fall semester I couldn’t perform anymore. After missing so much preseason in the fall, I fell out of shape and got benched from goalie of the soccer team. The painted picture that was my world crumbled to bits around me. Eventually I just stopped everything.
I had pulled away from everyone. Aaron couldn’t handle it; he couldn't handle the emotions I was dealing with or the fact I couldn't be the picture perfect girlfriend he wanted. A shiver ran down my spine as I thought of his glare this morning. I kept telling myself I had done nothing wrong, but there was a part of me that felt like his hatred toward me was, in fact, my fault. His attack often times felt as though it was my fault. My mom would have known what to tell me. She would have been able to make me strong again. My sister Stella would have told me all about her own experiences and taken my mind off everything. I would have given-
A door banged open and I heard a giggling girl. I jumped up and tore off down the row, hoping to get out the side door to the parking lot before anyone could see me. Unfortunately my curiosity got the better of me and I snuck a peek over my shoulder- causing me to trip and go down hard onto the floor. I heard a gasp and whispers before footsteps quickly made their way up the aisle. I started to get up and tried to keep my gaze down. It was no use. My body tensed reflectively and I knew who was standing in front of me before I even looked up into his smug face.
“Aaron, we should get out of here and let her be alone.” The girl on the stage sounded nervous and I looked to my right at her. She was still sitting on the stage, blonde hair done up in a cheerleader bun. Since I didn’t recognize her I assumed she was a sophomore or freshman, but I wasn’t about to start asking for names. She clearly knew who I was however, as she was visibly nervous of the proximity Aaron and I were together. Or maybe that was all in my head and she had a nervous personality. Either way, she clearly wasn’t comfortable catching me in here. My eyes went back to him.
Aaron didn’t seem to hear her, and if he had heard her he didn’t even flinch. My breathing was shallow and my palms grew sweaty. I wanted to say something-anything- but I felt that if I opened my mouth I would have to scream. I swallowed.
“It’s good to see you Angel. I’d been worried about you after this summer.”
His voice was both biting but seductive. Was I a masochist? I plastered on the worst fake smile the world has ever known. Was he really worried about me? Could he be? No. The only time he worried about something was when it related to himself. I nodded. He pressed on.
“Janine told me you’ve been doing well.”
It was like a slap in the face. Had she been going behind my back before? Are they friends? Was our very old, childhood friendship decimated over this guy? I swallowed again to ensure I didn’t scream. “It’s coming together…”
The girl on the stage coughed and looked nervously at her watch. Jesus. I just wanted her to take him and go. She butt in, “Aaron, we have to get to practice. You have 10 minutes.” Aaron waved a hand at her and unenthusiastically replied, “Which means you have to be there in 5. Go ahead without me, I need to talk to Ang for a few minutes.” She huffed and looked between the two of us, but stormed out the door in the end. His gaze fell back on me.
I tried to be brave and vicious all at once. “You should go. After all, you don’t want to lose your spot on the second string.” Anger flashed behind his eyes and I could see his hand twitch. Oh God, is he going to do something? I practically held my breath as I waited for a blow, but it didn’t come.
He forced out a fake piercing laugh. “You’ve always been a fresh little thing. I miss that.” I didn’t believe him for a second. He reached up and I started to shy away, but he rested his hand on my cheek. When I met his gaze again there was something in there I hadn’t seen in him before- desperation? “Angie, what happened to us? Why did you do that to us?” I took a step back and shook my head. No. No, I couldn’t let him even try to win me back. I was too gullible, especially when it came to him.
“You. You Aaron. You destroyed us. I saved myself.”
The desperation departed and the anger flashed back, this time he lunged towards me and grabbed a fistful of my hair. I let out a surprised cry and closed my eyes, praying for it to be over. He pressed closer to me and I felt his breath on my neck.
“I saw you with that Sanders boy. You won’t have a shot, not once he finds out what a fucked-up little twat you are. And I’ll make sure he finds out.”
A shiver ran down my spine. Desperately I wriggled underneath his grasp but that only forced him to get closer to me, wrapping his other arm around me so that it pressed against my ass. Flashes of that night went through my mind and tears welled up in my eyes. Not again.
I heard a door open and the sound of keys jingling. Aaron instantly let me go and took two steps back, plastering his fake award-winning smile on his face. I stood frozen, not breathing, fighting the need to gasp for air. When he spoke it was with all the charm in the world.
“Ms. Sanders, you found the secret shortcut to the parking garage.”
I felt someone at my shoulder but didn’t look back. This was not what I needed now. Her voice was velvety as she spoke, “I hope you two aren’t up to anything too inappropriate. I’ve found students in empty theaters never seem to be up to virtuous activities.”
Aaron’s laugh rang through the hall and looked from Ms. Sanders to myself and quickly and innocently responded, “Angelina was just asking me about your brother, our new star quarterback, and I told her I’d put in a good word.” He looked at his watch and smiled his fake, playboy smile, “which reminds me. I better get going before I’m late and have to run the whole practice.” He left without waiting for a dismissal or acknowledgement.
The woman behind me placed a hand on my shoulder. I squeezed my eyes shut, taking ten seconds to convince myself I was ok, and then turned around with my own forced happiness. When I turned around however, I saw sympathy in her eyes. Did she know? Her hand slipped into mine, and that’s when I realized I was shaking. As much as I wanted to cry, the tears wouldn’t come. I withdrew my hand and forced it into the back pocket of my jeans. I wanted to say so much to her but I found my throat closed. I forced out a tight “thank you” and took off, out the door to the parking lot.
I sat behind the wheel of my car for a long time, blankly staring at my hands in my lap, before I realized I needed to go meet Ian. The thought took my mind away from things and even pulled the corner of my mouth up a bit. I put the key in the ignition and hastily pulled out of the school parking lot to head downtown.
I peeked into the auditorium to make sure there wasn’t a club meeting going on and when I found it empty I invited myself inside. This place had been my home for two and a half years, but after last fall I couldn’t handle the emotions performing brought up for me. I took a seat in a row and stared at the stage.
A year ago everything had been so different. I was popular- as popular as a theater junkie could be. I had been voted captain of the soccer team as a junior. I had been ready to take a huge step in my relationship with Aaron, I thought I loved him...
My mom and sister had been alive.
When they were taken from me I had tried to continue on as usual. It was all an attempt to not show a weakness, bottling up the feelings I should have let free. After my fall semester I couldn’t perform anymore. After missing so much preseason in the fall, I fell out of shape and got benched from goalie of the soccer team. The painted picture that was my world crumbled to bits around me. Eventually I just stopped everything.
I had pulled away from everyone. Aaron couldn’t handle it; he couldn't handle the emotions I was dealing with or the fact I couldn't be the picture perfect girlfriend he wanted. A shiver ran down my spine as I thought of his glare this morning. I kept telling myself I had done nothing wrong, but there was a part of me that felt like his hatred toward me was, in fact, my fault. His attack often times felt as though it was my fault. My mom would have known what to tell me. She would have been able to make me strong again. My sister Stella would have told me all about her own experiences and taken my mind off everything. I would have given-
A door banged open and I heard a giggling girl. I jumped up and tore off down the row, hoping to get out the side door to the parking lot before anyone could see me. Unfortunately my curiosity got the better of me and I snuck a peek over my shoulder- causing me to trip and go down hard onto the floor. I heard a gasp and whispers before footsteps quickly made their way up the aisle. I started to get up and tried to keep my gaze down. It was no use. My body tensed reflectively and I knew who was standing in front of me before I even looked up into his smug face.
“Aaron, we should get out of here and let her be alone.” The girl on the stage sounded nervous and I looked to my right at her. She was still sitting on the stage, blonde hair done up in a cheerleader bun. Since I didn’t recognize her I assumed she was a sophomore or freshman, but I wasn’t about to start asking for names. She clearly knew who I was however, as she was visibly nervous of the proximity Aaron and I were together. Or maybe that was all in my head and she had a nervous personality. Either way, she clearly wasn’t comfortable catching me in here. My eyes went back to him.
Aaron didn’t seem to hear her, and if he had heard her he didn’t even flinch. My breathing was shallow and my palms grew sweaty. I wanted to say something-anything- but I felt that if I opened my mouth I would have to scream. I swallowed.
“It’s good to see you Angel. I’d been worried about you after this summer.”
His voice was both biting but seductive. Was I a masochist? I plastered on the worst fake smile the world has ever known. Was he really worried about me? Could he be? No. The only time he worried about something was when it related to himself. I nodded. He pressed on.
“Janine told me you’ve been doing well.”
It was like a slap in the face. Had she been going behind my back before? Are they friends? Was our very old, childhood friendship decimated over this guy? I swallowed again to ensure I didn’t scream. “It’s coming together…”
The girl on the stage coughed and looked nervously at her watch. Jesus. I just wanted her to take him and go. She butt in, “Aaron, we have to get to practice. You have 10 minutes.” Aaron waved a hand at her and unenthusiastically replied, “Which means you have to be there in 5. Go ahead without me, I need to talk to Ang for a few minutes.” She huffed and looked between the two of us, but stormed out the door in the end. His gaze fell back on me.
I tried to be brave and vicious all at once. “You should go. After all, you don’t want to lose your spot on the second string.” Anger flashed behind his eyes and I could see his hand twitch. Oh God, is he going to do something? I practically held my breath as I waited for a blow, but it didn’t come.
He forced out a fake piercing laugh. “You’ve always been a fresh little thing. I miss that.” I didn’t believe him for a second. He reached up and I started to shy away, but he rested his hand on my cheek. When I met his gaze again there was something in there I hadn’t seen in him before- desperation? “Angie, what happened to us? Why did you do that to us?” I took a step back and shook my head. No. No, I couldn’t let him even try to win me back. I was too gullible, especially when it came to him.
“You. You Aaron. You destroyed us. I saved myself.”
The desperation departed and the anger flashed back, this time he lunged towards me and grabbed a fistful of my hair. I let out a surprised cry and closed my eyes, praying for it to be over. He pressed closer to me and I felt his breath on my neck.
“I saw you with that Sanders boy. You won’t have a shot, not once he finds out what a fucked-up little twat you are. And I’ll make sure he finds out.”
A shiver ran down my spine. Desperately I wriggled underneath his grasp but that only forced him to get closer to me, wrapping his other arm around me so that it pressed against my ass. Flashes of that night went through my mind and tears welled up in my eyes. Not again.
I heard a door open and the sound of keys jingling. Aaron instantly let me go and took two steps back, plastering his fake award-winning smile on his face. I stood frozen, not breathing, fighting the need to gasp for air. When he spoke it was with all the charm in the world.
“Ms. Sanders, you found the secret shortcut to the parking garage.”
I felt someone at my shoulder but didn’t look back. This was not what I needed now. Her voice was velvety as she spoke, “I hope you two aren’t up to anything too inappropriate. I’ve found students in empty theaters never seem to be up to virtuous activities.”
Aaron’s laugh rang through the hall and looked from Ms. Sanders to myself and quickly and innocently responded, “Angelina was just asking me about your brother, our new star quarterback, and I told her I’d put in a good word.” He looked at his watch and smiled his fake, playboy smile, “which reminds me. I better get going before I’m late and have to run the whole practice.” He left without waiting for a dismissal or acknowledgement.
The woman behind me placed a hand on my shoulder. I squeezed my eyes shut, taking ten seconds to convince myself I was ok, and then turned around with my own forced happiness. When I turned around however, I saw sympathy in her eyes. Did she know? Her hand slipped into mine, and that’s when I realized I was shaking. As much as I wanted to cry, the tears wouldn’t come. I withdrew my hand and forced it into the back pocket of my jeans. I wanted to say so much to her but I found my throat closed. I forced out a tight “thank you” and took off, out the door to the parking lot.
I sat behind the wheel of my car for a long time, blankly staring at my hands in my lap, before I realized I needed to go meet Ian. The thought took my mind away from things and even pulled the corner of my mouth up a bit. I put the key in the ignition and hastily pulled out of the school parking lot to head downtown.