The Pursuit of Happiness

It felt as if my throat was burning and my lungs were on fire. The deep breaths I inhaled echoed through my ears in loud gasps and my vision swam. “No more, please!” my insides begged, but I ignored it all – I had to do something, anything, I wanted to prove myself that I could do it, I could change certain parts of my personality that I disliked. So there I was, seven-something on a beautiful May’s morning, jogging rather than being in the warm comfort of my sun-lighted bedroom. I was proving something to myself, whatever it was.

It was a first time I went jogging on my own accord, and as I mentally scolded my brain for thinking about doing something like that in the first place, I also swore that it would be the last. Last time I exercised for more than five minutes was in high school, quite some time ago, so it was pretty hard to start all over again even after realizing that I haven’t had a proper warm-up to begin with; otherwise my side would not hurt as much as it did.

There were moments when my mind automatically shut out all the complaints that my body was screaming out. But curiosity was my driving force, so I ran through the neighborhood and I couldn’t help but admire the beauty of the city I lived in. A typical Los Angeles sight embraced me right before my eyes – the palm trees, the cars, the streets, buildings and American people. I could also make out the famous Hollywood hills far over the horizon – the sight that was so much more beautiful than pictures and movies portrayed. I gulped down the fresh morning air around me as mad man reaching for his first sip of water after being in the desert for far too long, and felt my cheeks burn. The air was different; everything was different than where I was from.

I was born in Russia, near the Caucasus in a city called Krasnodar which meant something along the lines of “The Red Gift”. Spent the first year of my life there and afterwards my mother moved us all over to Northern Europe and that was my home for twenty four years afterwards. I have always considered my father’s Country somewhat of a real home, but I never forgot my roots – I was part Russian, there was no doubt about it, but I was also something else and the mix of the nationalities added its mark to my personality. And now I was a lawful permanent resident of the United States, which hopefully would be my last place to settle at. Moving, leaving everything behind was too hard and I didn’t know if I could ever do it again without looking back. Not when now I had someone I held very dear.

If a person would ask – did I feel like I’m now in this country, I would answer that I most certainly did not, but I was close. They do say that home is where your heart is and my heart most definitely found a place where it would love to stay.

I was still feeling a bit lost in the City, but there were certain aspects that my brain had already memorized and had gotten used to. The fresh food market on Saturdays with Constance was something I have grown fond off and looking forward to – the variety of the food was amazing and lately I realized that I have been eating more vegetables and fruits even though I was never a vegetable-person; in fact, I hated vegetables. I guess the States did have its pros and cons – the fact that America was a country where people knew only McDonald’s food was not true. Sure, there were a lot more fast-food restaurants, but there was also good food available. It was just a matter of preferences – if a person seeks, a person shall find.

There was also another thing I never considered on doing, but lately have been thinking about – getting myself a decent car. I wanted something that would just perfect for me, something I could call my own. Ever since I saw the red beauty parked in Leto’s driveway yesterday evening, my brain was toying with the idea of getting one for myself. My house had a garage that was perfectly empty as if waiting for a proper vehicle.

I could almost imagine myself driving the beauty – oh, the red design, charming ivory salon and the entire retro atmosphere I was so fond of. Yes, that was the car I wanted! I smiled to myself, my mind filled with images as my feet ran with a freshly charged enthusiasm.

* * *

As I approached the familiar view, I could not help but notice the interaction that unfolded a few houses further. As I realized that the person involved was Martha, I felt excitement forming in my chest and the smile on my lips widened. My feet were running faster towards her, but the sight that unfolded in front of me made my smile die as coldness washed over my body. I saw her falling on the grass because a man, who I assumed was her boyfriend, hit her. He hit her here, out in the open!

After my mind let the last par sink in, everything happened in a daze and the next thing I knew I was in front of an outraged man who was almost twice my size, breathing heavily through my nostrils. I blinked a few times, taking in his surprised expression and then his face turned into an angry scowl.

“Get the fuck out of my way!” He spat, but I couldn’t move and let him humiliate her any more than he already had; enough was enough. I had this sudden need to protect and stand in front of the one in need. So the word that came out of my mouth surprised me and the furious man in front of me – a strict refusal, “no.”

He blinked a few times and his face lost all its composure, but in a second pure rage was written all over his face. “What did you just say?”

I stepped one footstep back and crossed my shaking hands in front of my chest. “You heard me – I said no, I will not get out of your way so you can hurt her more than you already have. Who gives you the right to hit a woman?” I said standing my ground. He will not intimidate me. There was this rush in my blood – a pure adrenaline and fear. I could feel it running in every fiber of my body, sinking in, possessing, but I could not control nor did I want to control it more than I did – I was a fighter. I despised injustice and I despised violence – I would fight and protect even if I had to take down this bulky bag of bricks before me. I would do it!

“This is not your fucking business, so I suggest you to step away,” he spat through gritted teeth as his foot dragged him closer into my comfort zone. “Or else...” He looked past me and I heard a small whimper and continuous sobs escaping through Martha’s mouth.

“Or else what?” My temper got the best of me and I couldn’t help, but feel the rage clouding my mind as my chest raised with every breath I took. Who the hell did this imbecile thought he was? He had no right and he was nothing but a sad excuse of a man. Just as I was about to open my mouth and say something that would surely get me in trouble, a deep and calm voice came behind me. “Is there a problem?”

The big bag of bricks before me finally averted his deathly gaze and realization appeared in them as he looked at the newcomer. “Shannon,” he said through gritted teeth. I turned around and met the man himself. He stood several feet away with his muscular arms crossed over his chest, a pair of ray-bans covering his eyes. His jaw was set and his composure expressed a preparedness to step in if things got out of control.

“Tell the girl to step away – this is between me and Martha,” the man behind me said and I felt as if I had been slapped in a face. The girl? I was about to turn around and speak up when Shannon interrupted. “I think that now you’re way past that being just between the two of you. What I see here is that you have crossed a line and disrespected Martha in public now, and I’m afraid I cannot let you do that anymore, so either you step away or I will call the police.” The voice in which Shannon spoke was full of seriousness and authority – there was no trace of amusement I heard yesterday, just a promise that things would not end well for Eric, if he tried to cross the line. Shannon was not joking and somehow it made me feel a little bit better.

Quiet sobs brought me back to reality as I bent down to Martha and put my hands around her, offering comfort. She refused at first, but after realizing that I won’t let go that easily I felt her arms wrap around my middle squeezing tightly. She let all her emotions free and I sat there, holding her without a word; after all it was what she needed so desperately.

“This is not over,” Eric spoke as I looked up at him. He looked me over and held my gaze, trying to intimidate me, but I was not afraid; I would not go down without a fight. His words had no power over me. With one last glance he turned around and left and I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I hugged the sobbing girl closer to my form and rocked her back and forth. “It’s alright, he’s gone,” I whispered kissing the top of her hair. “He will not bother you ever again, I promise.”

“Will she have a place to stay?” Shannon asked calmly and I looked at him. He had taken off his shades and I could see the deep hazel of his eyes. For a second there I forgot how to breathe – he was so captivating, even more than all of his family together and as the thought registered in my brain, my body went on overload – the blood in my ears echoed like crazy, my heart was beating like it was about to explode and suddenly I couldn’t say a word. I averted my gaze from his piercing gaze and instead looked at Martha’s dark brown hair which was collected in a messy bun. “She’ll stay with me,” I said in a quiet, and what I thought was a calm voice.

The three of us sat in silence for a little while until Shannon spoke up, “It was a stupid thing to do,” I glanced up at him. He had crossed his arms and put his glasses back on and there it was – the seriousness written all over he was gazing down on me. “You don’t know what he’s capable off,” he showed his palms in the pockets of the gray sweatpants that he wore.

Shannon’s words touched something within me and I felt myself react. “Do you honestly believe that I cared about myself at that point?” I said through gritted teeth. He had no right to judge my actions only because he saw me as the weaker one, I was not weak and I was not scarred.

“Hold your temper, I was just warning you, so there’s no need to get angry,” he shrugged and I felt slight traces of guilt wash over me. Shannon did state the obvious, but I quickly dismissed it. The rush of the incident was still playing in my brain. I would’ve taken care of everything if he wouldn’t stepped in. “I thank you for what you did,” I said dismissing him as I helped Martha to stand up and looked at Shannon. He wanted to say something, but at the last moment decided not to. Instead he just looked at us one last time before saying a quick “don’t mention it” and casually went over to the Leto’s household.

I won’t.