American Royalty

It was another normal day at the clinic, picking up my medicine for my disturbance. The clinic sat in a shaded area of town where trees hung over it and the windows were tinted. From the outside it looked like a house and that was why I always felt so comfortable coming here because if anyone were to ever pass in their car, they surely wouldn’t want to see me go into a place that read mental home all over it. It was comfortable at this point of knowing my specialty and I was sort of ok with my problem, me seeing monsters warning me of disasters never going to happen, and me seeing Joseph everywhere I went, talking to me as if I were his toy. As if it wasn’t enough getting disgusted glares from students I never had even seen before, it was nice to go to a place that didn’t shout out that Florence Echoes was crazy.

Placing my hand on the doorknob I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. In my body everything seemed to relax as I realized this was the one place I felt content in. It was a place where there were many more people like me, all searching for something to make them sane again and not wanting that sickening feeling that they were all alone in the world. Anywhere else I was shunned and treated like a mental patient. Even parents wouldn’t glance at me without sneering. It was like I was bare-naked and had a sign on my head reading, I’m crazy. Because in reality I knew I wasn’t completely insane like those people who rolled their eyes constantly and muttered words that made no sense. Sure I saw monsters and sickening creatures that threatened to kill me, and a boy that followed me until I burst out in yelps, but I knew deep down inside I could change. And the first thing that would possibly heal that was my medication.

Opening the door, a relaxed smile appeared on my face like I was entering my home. Instantly I saw the usual customers sitting quietly, either muttering words of insanity or staring at their toes like they didn’t belong there. It was a normal day until I saw him. My heart stopped in my chest and I knew exactly who he was. Dallas King. Dallas King who was literally the king of high school. The guy who got any girl he wanted and had every man pleading for his aid. And of course he was the most attractive guy I had ever seen but it was more surprising to see him here.

With great fear in the pit of my stomach, I hurriedly walked over to an empty seat next to Willy, an old man who still saw his wife everywhere he went though she had died many years before. Trying to calm down I relaxed my lips into a straight line and casually sat like I didn’t even notice he was there. But inside every nerve was on fire and the monsters started to appear. They ran across the room, jumping over customers and snickering like goblins. I heard their whispers and their threats. They were trying to tell me that Dallas King wanted to use me and would tell everyone in the school of my disease. With my hands trembling, I kept the blank expression on my face and gazed at the floor.

And that was when I heard Joseph speak. He sat right next to Dallas and had his hand on his shoulder. Desperately I tried to ignore his words but he was as loud as my heart beating in my chest. “Dallas King meeting you, Florence Echoes. Oh what a story to tell. How the popular guy met the weak and scared girl. You are going to be the outcast now, especially hearing it from the king of school.”

It was true his words and it was a matter of time before Dallas would be gossiping of seeing none other than me in a clinic to receive medication. But suddenly a question popped into my head. Why was Dallas King here of all places? He couldn’t be insane. People he didn’t even know envied him and even teachers secretly admired him. There had to be an explanation of why he was here. And with that thought, I glanced up at him. My heart skipped a beat when I saw he was actually looking at me. And all I could say was that he was beautiful. With his buzz cut and blue eyes, he was like a god. His jawline was perfect and every feature just wanted to make me melt. But it was impossible for me to even like someone like him. He was different than me in every way. He was undoubtedly staring at me because he was so amazed I was here. But it was no surprise to anyone else.

Realizing I was staring too long, I avoiding contact with him and stared back down at the ground. No way would I get mixed up with him. Perhaps I would never look at him again. I literally wanted nothing to do with him. He was the ticket to more insanity and more mockery. And this would just be a daily ritual to him, ridiculing innocence students. But I wasn’t exactly innocent…

“King.” Shelly called out from the counter, with the same smile on her face she had plastered on. I wasn’t quite sure how she could stand this place with people muttering words all the time. I guess I was apart of that group though.

In the corner of my eye I saw him get up and without hesitation my eyes were on his again. I studied him as he waltzed across the room, his arms swinging. Suddenly I noticed he tensed up with his hands curled up into fists. His jawline tensed up and it seemed like he was gritting his teeth. Did he realize I was staring at him? He arrived at the counter and took the box of drugs from Shelly’s hands. He signed a paper and flashed her a smile. Her cheeks flared and I almost smiled at her girlishness.

Dallas turned around and headed towards the door slowly. It seemed strange how slow he was going and I realized he seemed tempted to do something. I could tell he was thinking deeply. Realizing I must’ve looked even more like a freak than before, I cut off my gaze from him and instead focused my attention on Joseph who plainly smiled at me. He mouthed the words, “Your life is ruined.” I frowned and looked back down.

“Dallas.” I suddenly heard a girl moan from the door and I snapped my head over to see a petite girl, not much taller than me with blond curls. Her blue eyes seemed to mimic Dallas’s. She must’ve been his sister. Strange it was because everyone at school always talked about Dallas like he was an only child. But maybe I was mistaken and she was a cousin or something. “What’s taking so long?” She continued, her eyes filled with boredom and her fingers twirling a lock of her hair.

Suddenly Dallas quickened his pace and scooped her up. And just like that they were out of the clinic and my heart relaxed for a second. “He’s going to tell you know.” Joseph called out from behind me and depression seemed to seep in.

Turning my head back at Joseph to snap at him, I suddenly noticed the box of drugs left on the counter. Shelly was nowhere to be found and there it sat, a black little box that held medication for whoever for whatever. In the background Joseph was telling me not to take them because it would only make things worse but I knew I had to do it. He couldn’t leave without the box. So with all the pride left held in my chest, I got up and walked quickly across the room. With shaking hands, I grabbed the box that was surprisingly heavy and carried it across to the entrance. As my hand held onto the doorknob Joseph whispered, “It’s suicide what you’re about to do.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It was true. What I was about to do would truly expose myself to him and he could actually comment on me, saying something along the lines of, “Oh it’s the freak Florence. I didn’t come here for myself but someone I know. But you are here for your medication because you are crazy.” Yeah that basically how it would go. For a second I hesitated but then I pushed aside my fears and injected my confidence and opened the door.

His back was facing me, his broad and tall figure in front of me. His eyes were on the blond girl in front of him who sat in the passengers seat with the door closed. But I could still see her big eyes gazing at him and her pink lips mouthing words of silence. And that was when he was about to turn around. I could’ve waited until he turned around but I couldn’t bare to see him stare me down. I just wanted to give him the medication and run out of there as fast as I could. A part of me suspected his, a tiny hope that I wasn’t the only crazy one here. But it disappeared as quickly as it was suspected. He didn’t look crazy and he certainly didn’t act crazy except for the occasional beating up of shorter boys, like that sophomore recently. Shaking my head, I opened my mouth and called out, “Excuse me, I think you forgot these.”

He looked at me. Dallas King looked at me and he resembled someone stunned. I could understand why he looked like that, thinking why on earth I was talking to him. However it was the look in his eyes, like he was almost shocked I was talking to him. He seemed stunned like the man seeing the love of his life before his eyes. Like he saw Santa Claus before his eyes or the tooth fairy. It was like he couldn’t truly believe I could be here. And I guess I couldn’t believe it either.

With my shaking hands, I gingerly walked to him and held out the box of medication. I secretly hoped he couldn’t see my pale fingers shaking uncontrollably. With my lips in a straight line and my eyes trying to avoid contact with him, I quickly explained myself. I had to say why I had come out here. “You left these at the desk and, I know it’s not my business, but these are kind of important.”

For a second he seemed to just stare at me, and I felt my cheeks blush on my pale cheeks. I must’ve looked terrible today. In my opinion I thought I looked fine but I guess compared to girls he liked, I resembled someone off the streets. His mouth opened and he blurted out, like he was revealing a secret, “They’re not for me.”

I knew it, I thought depressingly to myself. Of course he wasn’t crazy. Secretly I had hoped that he was looking at me in a different way, less shocked and more amazed, in a good way. But my dreams constantly were crushed and right back on my feet, I was ready to be shot down with insults. So I simply nodded my head and whispered, “Like I said, it’s none of my business; it’s just these aren’t things you can really leave behind.”

Dallas just seemed to gaze at me, maybe studying me or thinking deeply of why on earth I was here. I wasn’t quite sure and I knew when I would go back inside, Joseph would be livid and throw his arms out in the air. He would yell at me and remind me of that night. He would be right up in my face, and no one would glance over because I was imaging him. Just him alone would remind me how crazy I truly was. Trying to break the silence, and was slowly getting nervous by the look of both his sister in the window and him, I stated, “You’re Dallas King.”

With my shaking hands I placed the box in his hands, trying my hardest not to touch him. It was the touch that sent shivers down my back and the aftermath of the awkward glance between us. There would be no comment, like it never happened. And because I didn’t touch him and he didn’t seem to notice, there were no awkwardness. Except for the gaze I was still receiving from the girl in the car.

Because Dallas didn’t seem to reply, I figured out this would be my chance to leave and go away without any unfinished conversation and no awkwardness. However I guess the gaze from both him and the girl would be awkward for me, but more of amazement from them. Already turning my body halfway, my eyes glancing at the window where Joseph stared at me, his eyes narrowed, I heard Dallas speak. “And you are?”

I was not sure why, but a smile appeared on my face. To him it must’ve looked like a simple smile of amusement or sadness, but to me it was more of confusion. Didn’t he already know who I was? Isn’t that why he was staring at me? Not wanting to figure it out, I simply ignored the questions buzzing in my mind and called out softly, “Florence.” My name rolled off my tongue softly, as if no one could here it. I didn’t like to say my name, since I wasn’t a fan. I thought it was strange and long.

And with saying the simple word and not looking long enough to see his expression, I hurried back into the clinic, where I belong.

_

I waited in my room, the door locked and me in my pajamas. I stared at the phone, hoping for Andrea to call, like she did every night. Well no that was an exaggeration, since she actually had a life. It was really I by the phone, waiting for her to call, waiting for anyone to call every night. It was only occasionally that she would call. After all, she was my only friend really, the only one who found me sane in this sensitive world. We had become friends in elementary school, with more loyal friends in the background. At first Andrea had just been the friend I would occasionally say hi to in the halls, and would sometimes have play dates with in the afternoon. Then it was middle school and my friends changed, and suddenly Andrea was there for me. We became closer, going to the movies, having sleepovers and gossiping over the phone. Since she was a year younger than me, it was hard to talk about related conversations, since she knew different people and I had different homework than her. But we somehow made it to work, but that only lasted until the end of eighth grade for her. She went to the same high school as me and suddenly everything changed.

Andrea became less frequent talking and barely did we talk. By this point I was a sophomore and she was a freshmen. She made more friends and so did I. Well until October when disaster struck for me and I was abandoned. I lost all my friends and at the beginning Andrea seemed to have as well. Not wanting to get into my miserable life, it was only until the late winter than Andrea seemed to have popped back up into my life. She was there for me, but somehow had changed. She knew more about…things. She knew what was going on and taken a more solid interest in men. It was all she seemed to talk about. But when I would accidently remind her of myself, she would suddenly become the girl I used to know. Andrea would comfort me, always have my back and we resumed to our normal conversations. It was just occasionally that she just seemed out of it.

Especially this year when I wouldn’t see sometimes up to weeks. Now in late October, almost two months of school, I rarely saw her. It was only until the beginning of October that she seemed to want to talk to me. We resumed our talks over the phone and sometimes would see a movie together. Though I was suspicious at times, I realized I couldn’t let a simple thought destroy the only friendship I had, especially with someone I knew so well. So I kept my mouth shut. And now I just kept the smile on my face. Of course she knew of my constant glances during conversations and my fidgeting with my hands, so I felt we were even with her questions of truly why I acted like that, and I wondering what she was up to with boys. But I guess I would never know.

The phone unexpectedly rung and my hand immediately wrapped around it. I took the landline phone and placed it to my ear. I closed my eyes, hoping to hear that someone was here to talk to me. “Florence?” Andrea spoke on the other line, sounding confused and almost curious.

A smile appeared on my face and I relaxed. “Hey Andy,” I replied, calling her by the nickname she specifically preferred. It was strange because in middle school, she would only be called by the name Andrea. That sudden change added on to suspicion.

“Hey what’s up? You don’t sound alright.” Andrea commented on the other line, her voice almost sounding strained.

“I’m fine. I’m just at home.” I paused for a second to look across the room at Joseph sitting at my desk chair. A smile curled upon his face. I instantly closed my eyes. “I’m just tired.”

“Aren’t we all? School’s a bitch.” I chuckled softly at her fact and shook my head. Andrea always seemed to cheer me up, even when my mind was on Dallas King.

“Hey Andy, do you know who Dallas King is?” I suddenly asked, my curiosity getting to the best of me. I tightened my grip around the phone and felt nervous, as Andrea didn’t reply instantly. Had she spoken to him or something and he had commented on me? Or had I touched a sensitive subject she didn’t feel like talking about? Though I had known Andrea for so long, there were so many things I truly didn’t know about her. I rarely went to her house. It was only a few times I had met her parents, and I wasn’t even sure what her favorite color was. It was like we were those friends that had known each other so long; it seemed impossible to grow apart from. Usually it was because we had shared so many secrets, but in truth, there was so much I didn’t know about her, and there were plenty she didn’t know about me. Therefore I felt it was fair to assume she was hiding something from me. But because I couldn’t lose anybody, I decided to let it go.

“Why?” She replied hushed, as if she didn’t want anyone to hear, even me. Before I could reply, I heard Joseph call out, “Andy doesn’t trust you anymore. You might as well hang out.” Behind his smirk were monsters, snickering with their soulless eyes and clawed hands. They tormented me and were always ready to jump and lash out at me. Never once though, not since the accident had they actually done it though. I expected them to and almost felt a guilty pleasure at wanting to know if it would hurt. Would it be physically hurtful or just mentally? I knew this was all in my head but at times when they were seem to crawl up my back and lower their claws down my arms, I could almost feel the shrieking pain, mocking and tormenting me. It was reminding me of that night and telling me it was my fault. Because it was my fault.

“I saw him today…” I explained, feeling Joseph’s words sinking into my skin like hot metal. Maybe he was right. I was going to lose her and before I could fix it she would hang up and say I was a freak like everybody else.

“Where?” She seemed more careful in words than I.

Before I would tell her where, I realized if I would say the clinic, she would probably assume he was there because he was crazy. And then she would spread it, and his anger would be forced upon me. So with all the truth bottled up, I mumbled, “At a store.”

“Did he say anything? Did you say hi?” Andrea seemed more curious in a cautious way than actually happy for me. But what was there to be happy about? Love had never crossed my path, all because of my disease. And certainly Dallas wouldn’t be interested, the king of high school and the destination of all women’s desires.

“No, he just saw me and left. I don’t think he even recognized me.” At least that part was the truth. The look in his eyes was more of curiosity, of who I was, than actual amazement that I was in his presence. Either way it wouldn’t surprise me. I was invisible in high school in the way I never spoke. I wouldn’t find it surprising that he didn’t notice me. But the look in his eye seemed like he wanted to know me. Pushing aside everything I had been through, Dallas King wanted to know me. However I knew once he would, he would just shove me aside like everyone else.

“…That’s too bad…” Andrea finally spoke after a long pause. If she knew him, why was she so interested in my conversations with him? How well did she know him?

“It’s alright. I’m not surprised. It’s better he doesn’t know me than does.”

And like a flick of a light, she was there to my rescue, “Oh no Florence don’t think that way! They just don’t know you! If they saw the true you, they would want to be your friend instantly. It’s just the…” She cut off short and paused. I shook my head.

“It’s just the accident that pulls them away. I know Andy.” I reminded her.

“Well it’s not technically the accident that pulls them away. It’s the aftermath. Your reaction—“

“You mean how I went crazy?” I practically snapped. I felt anger. She even noticed. She knew I wasn’t normal and it hurt for her to admit it.

Andrea paused on the other line and I heard her pull away from the phone, her fingers scratching against the phone. I heard hushed voices in the background, and I was sure it was her mother or father telling her something. Or maybe she was with a friend and decided to gossip all about my disease. My fists clenched and I heard Joseph laugh. “I love it when you get angry,” Joseph commented, his leg placed on top of the other, and a smirk on his face. He ran his fingers through his hair. With his other hand, he petted the monster that casually slept on his lap. It was a gruesome sight.

“I’m not angry.” I replied back, my teeth gritted and my eyes narrowed.

“What?” I heard Andrea ask on the other line. I relaxed my shoulders and closed my eyes, blocking out the smirk on Joseph’s face.

“I have to go.” I stated and Andrea sighed.

“Florence, I’m sorry. It’s just—“

“Goodnight Andy. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I interrupted and hung up before she could remind me more of what I truly was. What I was trying to not be. Or she would at least say what I had told her. The fake story I had told everyone from my therapist to my own parents. The fake story that didn’t even come close to the real one. The real one that would never leave my head. It was the real one that included monsters, Joseph and myself.