American Royalty

I was continuously having the same dream. It'd wake me up in the middle night with residual sweat on the back of my neck, and my heart would be hammering against its bone encasement. The low hum of my television could be heard in the background, a reminder that I needed to set the timer, but other than that all would be silent.

These nightmares never went away. No matter the remedy, they were always there to great me when I closed my eyes at night. Sleeping pills did nothing to ward off the ghouls of my past. It got to the point where I could no longer sleep. It was easier to force myself awake and hide from that corner of my mind that so desperately wanted to grab me in it's hold, and poison me.

"You look tired." I stared at my bowl of cereal but didn't reply. "Have you been sleeping?" His concern made my stomach churn, and I had to shove a pile of soggy Rice Crispies into my mouth to buy time for a response. I could hear his leg shaking, a bad habit I too had, and chewed slower, if it were possible.

Finally, I answered, "I was restless last night. I have a big exam today. Nothing for you to worry about, Dad." I threw that in for safe measure. My dad choked on his coffee obviously shocked that I hadn't referred to him as Noah.

"Oh, alright." He nodded his head unsure of where to go from there.

I helped him out, and stood up, dropping my bowl off in the sink. "I'll see you tonight."

He checked his watch, and raised his eyebrow at me. "It's early, isn't it?"

I didn't have to look at the clock to know he was right. "Not really." I walked over to Christian whom had all but been silent the whole time, and kissed her on the head. "See ya' later, kid."

"Bye," she mumbled crunching down on coco puffs. I looked down at her one last time, almost expecting her to fall apart in her seat, and then nodded at my father before skirting through the foyer, out the front door.

An old BMW sat in idle outside my house, and I hastily climbed into the passenger seat, only to be greeted with a kiss on the cheek from Samson. "Good morning, doll," he said sweetly. I yawned, and murmured a hello, rubbing my eyes so the eyeliner I'd applied in haste was further smudged.

"You look like crap. Didn't sleep well?"

"Didn't sleep at all is more like it." Samson nodded his head understandingly and didn't say anything in return. It was something I loved most about him, his ability to know exactly what to say, and what not to say. Silence spoke louder than words sometimes.

The drive to school was too short for comfort, and during the time, I'd dozed off in an odd position that threatened a stick neck for later. Samson killed the engine, and I felt him staring at me through my partially-awake state.

"What?" I murmured keeping my eyes closed.

He sighed heavily. "I'm worried about you."

Samson knew everything about me. Either from his ability to weasel out my inner most darkest secrets, or from my inability to control my mouth when I was under the influence, he'd found out my whole life's story. He was the only person that knew everything, and I was kinda glad he did. It was a relief not having to put up a wall around him. With that said, I didn't like that he was sympathetic towards me. The way I saw it we all had it pretty shitty in some way.

"Don't be." I heard Samson shift in his seat, and knew he was still looking at me. I turned in my seat to look at him through the slits of my eyes. His brown hair was flopping in his face in an indie-style, and there was a bit of shadow across his face reminding me that he was two years my senior. His hazel eyes were filled with nothing but concern and I didn't like it one bit.

I guess something on my face changed because he looked down almost as though he were afraid to stare at me, and then grabbed the clutch on the side of his seat and lowered the back so it was lying flat. He scooted backwards until he was pressed against the door, and then he gestured me over.

I slid over the console, biting into my tongue when my hipbone hit the shift, and fell beside him. He wrapped his arms around me, an entrapment, and pulled me close. I could feel his nose pressing against my neck, his warm fingers against my skin, and I allowed myself a moment to enjoy it. I looked at the windows as they fogged, the early morning sun fading away. The car was still warm but the heat was slowly slipping away the longer it stood with the ignition off.

I could vaguely see students walking into school – girls with short skirts, boys with jerseys. It was a typical school day and yet it did not feel at all typical. I could see a group of kids pointing at Samson's car, no doubt wondering what the 'fag' was doing with a girl in a foggy car. Samson had taken a lot of shit when he'd been outed last year. He'd had a fling with a football player, and when they'd gotten caught that football player said Samson had come onto him. He'd taken a pretty gruesome beating for it too.

It was unbelievable how someone could live their life so deep in denial. It appeared to be the easiest way to deal but it wasn't. There was a time when I was waist deep in denial, and it had done me no good, because either way, whether you like it or not, the truth comes out and you have to believe it, no matter how badly you don't want to.

I think a good portion of the school was in denial; I think a good portion of the world was in denial. We deluded ourselves in to believing lies because we weren't big enough to accept the truth. But then again nobody wanted to believe all those times their boyfriend had to 'work late' he was really cheating on them. Nobody wanted to believe that their father didn't actually die, he just left their mother.

It was easier to believe the lies because it didn't hurt as much, but I'll tell you something. It's not any easier it's worse, because when the truth is shoved down your throat, you choke on it, and its painful, and your only choice is to swallow.

Shaking my head of the thoughts that swam around my mind, I allowed my body to relax. My eyes began to droop, my mind hazing, and right before I fell asleep Samson whispered, "When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: Thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet."