American Royalty

Dallas was about to rip into the geeky kid with suspenders. I tried to recall his name from the depths of my tipsy mind. My lips were pressed to my water bottle filled with wine, the liquid sloshing around my throat and mouth as Dallas approached him. Toby, I remember his name being now, I also remember that he was just about shocked into a coma at the sight of me, so I had decided to have some fun with him, drop a few hints, toss a few smiles around.

As much as this kid probably deserved it for wearing suspenders, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. I had skipped math that day, not wanting to be outshined by someone my own age, as I was accustomed to being the only sophomore in an upperclassman math. I skipped out of that class as soon as the bell signaled that the hallways would be emptying out. The only person roaming about was the school Janitor who loved to look up my skirts and who mostly kept to himself.

Even though I had only talked to the kid for five seconds, he seemed nice enough, and genuinely kind of lost here. When Dallas went to go take the first swing—either with his words or fists, because he always alternated—I looked away sharply and made my way to the back of the gathering crowd. I wasn’t even sure what Toby had done wrong other than dress like a hipster-wannabe. Dallas was the best thing that had ever happened to me, but there were moments like these were I couldn’t seem to understand him or what his intentions were or what kind of effing thrill he got out of beating the shit out of the gay kid.

“Andy aren’t you gonna’ stick around and watch the fight?” Some girl asked, her grin eager like she would do anything to be my best friend.

I brushed past her, “Not much of a fight,” I grumbled under my breath so that she probably couldn’t here and kept moving down through the crowd and eventually out of the people pressed together to an almost empty hallway except for kids jogging forward to get in on the action.

“What’s going on?”

“Can anyone see anything?

“Dallas is beating the shit out of the new kid!”

The voices of the crowd rose and fell against the action as I slinked away down the hallway, after another minute the people began to separate themselves from the crowd, they would rush past me to make it to class before the bell, they would be whispering furiously to each other but they all made sure to leave me gap as I walked alone, no one daring to come near me, like I was a disease.

“I’ve never seen someone so pathetic in my entire life,” Dallas said, sliding up next to me, not bothering to touch me in anyway or drape an arm around my shoulder. We would never touch in public, it would start rumors that we were a couple of some sort, and that just wasn’t the case. I saw a boy that I had slept with two nights ago walk past, gripping onto his girlfriend’s hand as if he would never let it go, but I know that if I had given him the time of day again he’d be back in bed with me before I could say “Please?”. I knew for a fact though that he was nothing special in bed or otherwise, and instead of letting his gaze wander to my eyes boring into his back I shifted my gaze to Dallas who was towering above me.

“Why’d you have to beat the shit out of him again?” I asked, my tone glazed like I couldn’t care either way but there was a small fire flickering inside my gut.

“I’ve gotta’ show the newbie who’s boss,” Dallas said casually, flexing his arms above his head so that nearby girls would turn their heads in awe. I rolled my eyes as we passed them, wondering how on earth they could think that they would ever be with someone like Dallas for more than one emotionless night. Half the time he got the girl’s names wrong with he came.

I let the subject drop because I knew that if I didn’t he’s just get upset and offended. Instead I ducked into the nearest closet faster than anyone could notice and Dallas stood there for a few seconds, a little surprised. I hated going at it at school, it made me feel dirty afterwards, like I was less of a person if I couldn’t at least do it properly. But last night my parents were screaming, my sister was crying on the phone with her estranged boyfriend and I was lonely and frightened, I couldn’t go downstairs and get a drink because my parents were down there and my dad was downing bottle after bottle.

I was lonely and Dallas was there, so I grabbed him by the collar and dragged him in behind me. Our lips met, our breaths mixed and our bodies winded together in a dance that was older than time but familiar to our bodies.

In those moments we seemed closer than two human beings could ever get, but then it would be done and he’d leave me to get dressed and I would plummet back down to the place where I was alone.

I took another swig of my drink and let it cascade down to my stomach, I sighed in relief as it hit my throat and stumbled out of the closet to an empty hallway save for the janitor.

“I’m pretty pathetic aren’t I?” I asked him, he didn’t say anything, kept his eyes down.

That was the most pathetic thing of all.

------
My sister was top of her class. Valedictorian and all that shit, road in a fancy parade, kissed all the right boys, didn’t kiss any of the wrong ones. She was in class every day at the right time and knew all the answers, poured over school books every day when she went home. Colleges fought to have her come to their schools—Ivy League ones. She got acceptance letters to colleges she didn’t apply for.

She was smarter than anyone I had ever met, and I always was destined to be just as smart as her. When I was younger all I wanted to do was be just like my sister. I hung out with the good kids, did my homework every night and paid attention in class. I was a good kid, with high expectations and proud parents every time I brought home a report card. My sister went off to College when I was in sixth grade. When she graduated from Yale it was right off to New York City for her and to her job that would surely be just waiting for her.

But that was before the stock market crashed, before the recession. She moved back home three months after moving to New York and took the first job she could find—a cashier at a local fast food restaurant. The restaurant itself was a few towns over so that no one she knew would have to see her work that job. I think out of all of us, she was the most shaken up. It was like everything she had planned out for her life just crumbled beneath her feet like sand. The very ground she stood on was uneven suddenly, something that in all of her years of studying and hard work, she had never learned about.

I stopped going to class after that, I stopped caring and trying. What was the point of throwing yourself into something that would just throw you right back out?

The alcohol didn’t come until later, at parties where there was enough of it to go around. People smiling and laughing as they took more drinks, the party becoming livelier, dancing and grinding against each other as the alcohol flowed. I had my first beer at age thirteen and it was only months before I was downing the heaver stuff. The drunker I got the more people would laugh at my jokes, the more boys looked at me with bedroom eyes, the more girls shot me envious stares as their boyfriends checked me out on the dance floor. The more alcohol I had in me the more people liked me.

Before the drinking, I was no one. I wasn’t funny or witty or charming or sexy, I was another vague face in the hallway. Now I’m Andy Fucking Young, and it’s all thanks to that beautiful elixir, the one I wouldn’t give up for anyone.

Alcohol made me who I was, it was my identity. If there wasn’t a drink in my hands I was nervous, watchful, and careful. I was everything that my sister was and what my parents wanted me to be. I was a mountain of high expectations that would never be met. I was a train wreck that hadn’t even happened yet.

If I was going to fucking crash I’d have a great time doing it.

------

“Well fuck a duck,” Jeremy said as I slid into my History class ten minutes after the bell. The teacher had opened her mouth to say something to me when I help up a hand and cut off her train of thought.

“My locker was broken,” I lied painlessly as I had slipped into my seat behind Jeremy. I was never in History class—I hated history class, but today the hallways were too empty, my house too far away and my water bottle already empty.

“That’s the creepiest expression I’ve ever heard Jerms,” I lulled under my breath.

“I didn’t mean it literally,” he said shrugging and his face flaming only slightly.

“I don’t care if you’re into that kinky ass stuff just keep it to yourself,” I hissed at him with a sly smirk on my face.

Jeremy Lorr was one of the few people at this school that was actually entertaining to me. His expressions never made sense and his smile was always friendly. He was quick with a comeback and he was smart as hell. Over the past two years Jeremy was the only hook up I had that wouldn’t go all the way with me and stopped once I had gotten naked; telling that it just didn’t feel right. I respected him after that, and we had since hooked up five more times, never sleeping together.

“You know what And?” He asked with a wicked grin, “I think you’re the one who’s kinky like that and you just want me to be too so that we can have strange kinky babies.”

“Oh gross, fuck you,” I said rolling my eyes and crossing my legs slowly so that the boy across the row from me could get a good show out of staring at me longingly.

“You know you want this babe,” He gestured to his chest and I just smirked.

“I could have it if I wanted too Lorr,” I said slowly and sharply, letting my tone sink into his brain.

“You think it’s that easy don’t you?” He said with a small laugh, “Well you know sex is a lot more than just having a fucking orga—“ he started to say but was cut off by the teacher’s sharp clearing of her throat and rapping on the white board behind her.

“Miss Young and Mr. Lorr, would you please kindly shut your traps and pay attention to my lesson?” She said, her graying hair flying wildly around her equally crazy eyes.

“Yeah sure whatever,” I mumbled under my breath and crossed my arms sharply across my chest. Jeremy just smirked and turned back around in his seat, drawing a pen from his bag and scribbling down notes from the board.

“You could be all mine Jeremy,” I slithered forward to whisper in his ear, his neck hairs stood up once my breath hit them.

“If I even wanted you at all,” I finished and slumped back far in my seat and wishing more than anything that I had some goddamn beer.