Status: Temp postponed. Computer probs. We'll be back soon.

Listen to the Thunder

I Can't Deny Your Eyes

"So what exactly is going on with Rumor?" Paul asked me.

"Um...we just got in an arguement. That's all. Sister stuff," I fake-laughed it off.

"Oh," He nodded, but he didn't sound like he believed me.

"Didn't you say that you wanted to take me somewhere?"

"Oh, yeah." He smiled. "Ever been to Brooklyn?"

"Um...no," I laughed. "Just moved here, Paul."

"I knew that..." He chuckled. "But seriously, I want to take you."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Just to show you around? Have a good time?"

"Paul, I'm having a great time just standing here." I rolled my eyes, and slowly allowed my hand to find his, slowly intertwining our fingers.

"Awe." He laughed. "Well... still. I want to take you to a record shop."

"Okay...." I nodded, really hesitant to follow him...but I did anyway.

We walked to the streets and hailed a taxi. All Paul's doing of course. I've never lived in a huge city like this before. We got into the ugly, yellow taxi with the smelly driver. He drove us to Brooklyn, and I happily got out first.

"You okay?" He lightly joked.

I rolled my eyes.

"I'm fine, Paul," I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, this way." He nodded down the street and I happily followed the tall, tattooed man. I felt a smile make it's way to my lips without having been forced there. I looked at him and saw that he was happily pointing out sites that I've never seen before while beening tugged along beside him. I was lost in my own little world, happy that I wasn't alone. I was happy that I met Paul. He gave me butterflies and he was nice to me. It was a great change. I've never felt this way before about any guy I've ever liked.

"Paul?"

"Yeah, Jack?"

"Do you consider us to be...dating?"

He stopped for a moment and he furrowed his brows together.

"Like?

"Like...as in, we're in a relationship?"

I prayed to God that he was going to say the right answer. I needed to know where we stood.

"Um...sort of?" Wrong answer. "What I mean is, yes we've been on dates. But no, we are not in a commited relationship."

Another smile spread across my lips.

"That's great."

"Really?" He laughed awkwardly. "Usually when a guy says something like that, most girls flip shit...but you didn't."

"I'm not like most girl's, Pauly," I giggled.

He rolled his eyes at the nickname and we started walking again, hand in hand, just like we were a minute or so ago.

I really like Paul.

After what felt like hours in the record store, we walked through the park, which I really enjoyed, and back toward Manhattan. Again we crossed in a nasty taxi before setting out.

"I'm fucking starving." He stated, rubbing his non-existant, Santa's belly.

"I'm n-" I tried to lie, but I was proved wrong when my stomach made a un-lady-like noise. "I'm totally starving."

Which was the truth. I haven't eaten a meal since we've been in New York. I'm nibbled on lettace, but never have I had a full meal, and with Paul nontheless.

"Great! I'm taking you to Bubba Gumps."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Really?"

"Well...yeah. I would take you out for ice-cream, but you're a vegan..."

"Yeah..." I sighed. I haven't had ice-cream in forever. I've been a Vegan since I was ninteen and a full-on vegetarian since I was seventeen. Before that, I was only a primary vegetarian, which meant I only ate chicken and fish, from the time I was eight to seventeen.

"Could you just go back to being a vegetarian?"

I giggled, but I nodded.

"Sure, why not?" I guestioned. After all, my eating habits mostly were spawns from my eating disorder.

"Really? So after Bubba Gumps we can go get ice-cream?"

"Count me in." I smiled at the goofy guy beside me before we walked toward Bubba Gumps. I ordered a salad with Ranch while Paul ordered a huge hamburgar with fries and a ton of ketchup. I was done with my salad and practically chugging my Dr. Pepper. It was simply amazing.

"You about ready to go? I've some business stuff I have to do with my job tonight. Do you mind if I drop you off?"

I shook my head.

"Not at all. You're job comes first, right?"

"That's exactly right." He laughed. "Ice-cream tomorrow?"

"For sure." I agreed before he paid and we left to go back to my apartment. I found myself zoning out most of the converstaion. I watched Paul. The way he moved his body screamed confident, smooth and sexy. I, however, did not. I lacked in all of those. I guess opposites do attract. He's tall, I'm farely short. He is one of the most open people I know, but I'd rather stay silent and not speak a word. We we were together, Paul would do all of the talking for me at places we ate. I would sit in the backgroud and smile at him. Then when it was just us, a lot of the times it was really quiet, but other's it was fun. I could talk to him for hours....and I just met him.

"And here is your stop." He stated, motioning toward my door.

"Thanks." I lightly blushed before kissing his cheek lightly and walked into the empty apartment. "Rumor? Rum...you here?" I asked, walking into the kitchen. She left a note for me.

Jaycee,

Went over to Martin's with him for a movie day. Be back soon.

- Rumor.


I rolled my eyes and crumpled up the piece of paper. Great, I'm alone. I would call Paul, but he has to work, Maggie is in Nashville, Martin and Rumor are getting cozy in his loft. I scoffed, rolling my eyes before I walked into the bathroom, changing out of my clothes and putting on sweats. I tossed my wavy, bright red hair into a messy bun. I turned toward the mirror, ready to take off all of my make-up. Staring back at me wasn't what I wanted to see. To me, the reflection was a fat girl. She was huge.

"That's me..." I whispered, not able to take my eyes away from myself. "The fat girl." I didn't know what to do. How could I let myself go so much? It's because of Paul, isn't it? I don't have time to do anything anymore, because of him. He's always taking me out for food. Ice skating would be less painful.

The thought of the girl from the Good Charlotte concert popped into my brain. She was scrawny, but she managed to at least eat something. How did she do it? I made a face as I remember what she had to say.

"Starve, eat, purge, sleep," I whispered to myself. I shut and locked the bathroom door. Slowly, I leaned over the bowl, and heeved. Nothing came out. I chewed on my lip slightly. Then I remember something that had came up in the rehab center. Most of them had stories to tell about making themselves gag until the contents of their lunch or dinners came up. I've never had the heart to do that.... unitl now. I slowly slid my finger toward the back of my throat. It hit the first time, making my shake violantly before I felt the food travel back up my throat. I opened and watched as the food kept flowing into the toilet bowl until there was nothing but Dr. Pepper coming up too. I knew that I was done. I grabbed a small piece of paper, whipping off my mouth. I tossed it into the bowl before I flushed it. I stared at myself in mirror, feeling a little bit better. I picked up my tooth brush and started to brush my teeth.

The shaking didn't stop. I unlocked the door and walked out. I felt so much better. I curled up in a ball on the couch. My phone was vibrating off of the hook in my sweat pants pocket. I groaned and opened it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey!"

"Maggie!" I stated, sitting up and feeling myself smile. "What's up?"

"Oh, I don't know....walking into this one apartment building in New York...."

"No way! You're here!"

"Yeahhhh," She giggled.

"Let me call Rumor!"

"Already did." She giggled.

"Ohh..." I replied. "I'll see you in a little bit."

"Okay!" Maggie replied before we hung up.

Seconds later, Rumor walked into the room.

"Are you okay?" She asked me awkwardly.

I smiled and nodded.

"I'm sorry, Rumor. I don't understand." I admitted.

"At least you admit it." Rumor rolled her eyes and opened her arms for me. I gladly accepted it, and wrapped my arms around my tiny step-sister. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." I whispered. We let go as a knock came to the door.

Rumor opened it, revealing the shorter brunette standing there.

"MAGGIE!" We yelled at the same time and hugged her tightly. We all walked into the apartment. After catching up quickly, she explained why she was here...well both reason's.

"So... I didn't only come to see you guys," She giggled.

I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"I figured that much."

"I'm going to see Boys Like Girls tonight!"

"Who?" I asked.

"Hey! Martin told me that they died!" Rumor shouted.

Maggie and I turned toward her.

"What?" We both asked.

"Um....never mind." She laughed nervously.

Maggied giggled.

"Jack, you seriously have never heard them before?"

"No...." I trailed.

"Come on. We've got some work to do before the concert tonight."

"Who said that we were going?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I did, dammit! I want to meet Bryan, and I'm definitely not going by myself. I have three pit tickets and three backstage passes. We're going. Now get ready!"

"Fine," I giggled before I went to my room to change. I quickly found my clothes from earlier and slipped them on. "I'm ready." I stated as I walked out from my room. Rumor followed me seconds later.

Maggie turned around, looking at both of us.

"You guys are so not wearing skinny jeans and long sleeve shirts to this concert! While I'm trying to catch Bryan's eyes, you both have to look sexy and catch two of the other three's!"

I gave Rumor a scared look.

"What do you have in mind?" Rumor asked for us.

Maggie wiggled her eyebrows. That was NEVER good.

*

"MAGGIE!" I tried to protect for the flabillionth time. "Why am I wearing a mostly see-through top?! I look like a
fucking hooker!
"
"Shut your damn mouth, Jack." Maggie giggled. "You're skinny as hell,"

My arms automatically found their way around my waist as we waited to get into the venue. We got our wrist bands for the pit and wore our backstage passes over our necks.

"You look amazing, Jaycee." Rumor smiled at me. "Stop doing that!" She laughed, removing my arms from around me.
"The concert starts in like five mintues." Maggied stated, pratically bouncing up and down.

I giggled and shook my head.

We watched the opening bands, which were great. I was actually enjoying myself. It really had been a great day. Paul always made me smile, and the fact that Maggie came to visit makes it even better. Sure, Rumor and I were acting a little weird, but we've basically acted like nothing had happened. Sure, she slipped up and I'm slowly falling back into my unhealthy eating pattern's...but we're sister's first. We've always been close and we know basically everything about each other. It's abnormal for us to be acting so weird around each other.

Music started up, and I was drug out of my thoughts. I looked up at the stage as did Maggie and Rumor. The drummer was drumming and then a blonde guy with tattoo's ran on the right side of the stage.

"That's Bryan!" Maggie gushed.

I rolled my eyes at her and stole a look at Rumor, whom was giggling.

Then a tall, dark haired, tattooed guy walked on stage with another tall guy with light brown hair and tattoos. I studied the two of them and they looked really familiar. The way they joked around, and moved, but I couldn't see their faces.

"PAUL'S SOOO HAWT!" Some chick behind me yelled.

"I WANT TO FUCK MARTIN!" Another one yelled.

"Stupid fan girls." Maggie mumbled, but she really didn't care. We were on the front row.

Then the lights changed, and I could get a good look at their faces.

"Paul?!" I nearly choked on air as his smile flashed across his face, looking out at the crowd.

"Martin?!" Rumor said at the same time I said Paul.

"We're Boys Like Girls. This is Heels Over Head!" Martin yelled before they launched into the song.

The set went on, and the songs that were played were amazing.

But I couldn't bring myself to really dance along. It was hard. I felt like Paul had betrayed me.

"I want to see you guys jump!" Paul yelled, and he smiled widely at everyone.

Maggie was jumping along, but Rumor and I stayed still.

"JUMP!" Maggie stated, actually physically making us jump up and down.

By the time the set was over with, we followed her around aimlessly toward the booth's set up at the back of the venue. She bought like five shirts and countless wrist bands. She said that we were waiting for them to get all cleaned up and non-sweaty before meeting the band. Maggie's weird, I know. However, I wanted to avoid talking to Paul for as long as I could.

"Nowwww can we go?" Rumor whinned.

I raised an eyebrow at her and she blushed slightly. It was definitely because Martin was in there.

"There are probably more VIP's than we can count." I muttered.

"Not really. There were only about twenty that bought back stage passes. I checked. And most of them probably already left."

"Always prepared." I rolled my eyes.

"That's me." She smiled. "Come on, let's go now!" She stated, pratically dragging me behind her. Rumor gave me a concerned look, but we walked backstage nontheless. We flashed the security guards our VIP passes and we were allowed backstage. Maggie was the first one to the door and she knocked.

"Oh! Girls!" The blonde stated, answering the door. "And they're definitely aren't teenagers!"

That was Bryan.

"Lemme see!" Someone yelled.

"Never!" Bryan yelled back. "There's a blond, brunette and red head."

"Let them in, you fucker!" Martin's unmistakable voice came.

"Finnneeee." Bryan stated, moving out of the way and letting us walk in. Martin's mought dropped when he saw Rumor. Paul's eyes grew ten times their original size.

"Jack...." Paul trailed off, coming toward me. Everyone in the room turned toward us, watching carefully. '

"You know her?" Bryan and Maggie asked at the same time.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" I snapped.

"I didn't want you to look at me differently." Paul replied.

"Oh yeah? How do you think that's turning out for you?"

"Not to good, obviously."

"Very good, Paul," I replied slowly, sounding like a complete bitch. "Where you ever going to tell me?"

"Honestly?" He asked, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"No. Lie to me,"

He huffed.

"Jack....please?"

"I'm listening to you, Paul."

"Look....can we talk somewhere else?" He asked, looked around the room awkwardly.

Slowly, I agreed and nodded.

"Okay." He offered his hand. I stared at it for a minute, not moving. "Come on, Jaycee. It's just a hand,"

I slowly slipped my very own into his palm, and we walked out of the room. He stopped and turned toward me.

"Talk."

"Fine. I didn't tell you, because I was afraid of scaring you away. When I found out that you didn't know who I was...I was actually really happy. I could be myself in front of you without you asking me for something. You accepted me for who I am. Even if you make it hard as hell to try and talk to you. I want to know you, Jaycee. I already care, and I know it's been two days but I've been busting my ass. Normally I give up. There's something about you that makes me want to never give up," He stated, rubbing soft circles onto the back of my hand.

I looked deeply into his chocolate, brown eyes, and I felt my heart starting to melt.

"I can't deny those eyes." I laughed, placing a light kiss on his cheek.

Paul smiled and pulled me into a hug.
♠ ♠ ♠
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- Rae <3