Alone at Six

For the twelfth time, Cole looked back at me then quickly looked ahead. If she had hope that I wasn't following or looking at her, I'd hope to have killed it. When the bell rang she quickly put her stuff in her bag then hurried out of the door. It would have looked odd if she'd run and it was easy to keep up with her walking, considering how short she was compared to me. And, luckily, the pace we were walking was just fast enough for me to ignore people saying my name and be able to play it off.

When she got to the outside eating area, she quickly hid behind the tree we sat at yesterday. Like a kid playing, she peered behind to the other side a few times and met my eyes, immediately going back into hiding. After the third time, I walked around and stood behind her before she turned around.

She stood gaping for a moment before hurrying to the other side of the tree and sat. I sat in front of her. The book that was somehow already in her lap seemed more interesting than me.

"Andy!" Someone from off to the side called. I didn't look to see who it was but saw her face anyway when she bent down next to Cole. Her face was kinda chubby and looked kinda Asian-ish, a giant smile and some bad acne. Cole nervously glanced up at me again then looked back at her book. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing much." I smiled, not taking my eyes off Cole who was forcing herself not to look up. "Talking to my friend Cole."

She looked over as if she'd just realize Cole was there and gave a huge smile that Cole lackingly returned. "Oh! Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to come eat with me and some friends. I didn't see you here behind the tree! Cole? Awesome name for a chick, it's like a uncommon unisex name. I'm Logan. Would both of you guys like to come eat with us? We don't bite.... okay, that's a lie. But we don't draw blood!"

"How 'bout it Cole?" Though Logan seemed to be the nicest fan I'd come in contact with this week, Cole was my top priority right now. Which was a little unfair to Logan, but whatever.

"Uh....No thanks, I have a test next period." Cole quickly said, almost too quiet to hear. "Why don't you go Andy?"

"Na, I wouldn't feel right leaving you alone." I smiled, meant for both Logan and Cole. "Sorry Logan."

"No problem." She smiled. "I'm cool. Well, maybe next time then?"

"Yeah, totally." With that, Logan bounced off back to her group, immediately a spot was made for her in a circle of people.

"So, Cole." I said, leaning forward to compete with her book. "You need a math book for gym now?"

"Oh...uh..." Cole sunk farther down, hiding behind her book. "...no...I guess...not."

"Right, right." I nodded, smile still plastered on my face. The total lack of sleep caused by her was making me a bit....out of it. I wanted answers and I just wanted them now. "So. What's up with this whole forgetting me thing? Forgetting only me. Nothing else."

"Oh...I-I'm not su...re."

I blinked. "You're kidding me, right? You've got to be kidding me. This is not even fucki-what the actual fuck!?" Shoving off the ground, I grabbed Cole's wrist and pulled her up too, swiping the book and dragging her out of the eating area and to the buss ramp.

"A-Andrew..." Cole stuttered as she stumbled behind me, her legs suddenly not fast enough. "whe-ere are you going? I-I'm still in school."

"Fuck school! " I shouted. Once we got out of sight of all people, I let go of her hand and dropped to the ground, letting out a frustrated sound.

"Um...A-Andy?" Cole looked down at me, hands twisted in her chains.

"Oh!" I shouted, surprised, up at her. "You remembered my name!"

"Oh, well...I'm sorry." Shrinking back, Cole unwound one hand from her chain and slid a finger into her mouth.

I sighed. All I was doing was making her feel nervous and worried, not what I want to do. The opposite of what I ever wanted to do. The only thing I wanted to do was figure out why she keeps forgetting me, not make her feel guilty that she does.

Standing up, I mentally slapped myself when I saw the worried look on her face. Taking Cole's shoulders, I sat her against the brick wall and sat across from her like at the tree. Only this time she didn't have a book to hide behind.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, wiping my face. "Its just frustrating. I mean, it seems like you remember everything else fine. Just.... not me."

Fuck. I sounded like a melodramatic pre-teen. No wonder she didn't want to remember me, I was a annoying little fuck.

After a minute or two of silence, she finally spoke up. "Well....I try to forget everyone else too. I just....... forget the more... impressionable things first."

I looked at her slightly questionably. She purposefully forgot me, I wasn't just thinking worse. Of course she tried to forget the others too, so it can't be that bad, right? But, why was I the most 'impressionable'? And why would she want to forget anything in the first place? Besides the obvious, that is.

"Why would you even want to forget?" I asked. "I mean... no, you don't want to waste your time sulking about the past but you don't want to forget everything either."

She shrugged. "Well, forgetting one thing that effects everything else and those things effect other things. So it's either remember with a lot of holes or just....forget it all."

"...I guess I get it." I said after a moment of thinking. "But why are you specifically forgetting me? Why am I first of the fucking agenda?"

"Oh, well..... um." Pulling her knees to her chest, she barricaded herself. "Because you made me happy. Just..... talking to you. It made me happy." She mumbled.

A happily frustrated sound exploded from my mouth, earning me a intrigued look rather than a alarmed one. I made her happy, hearing that made me chest burn from speed and halt at the same time. But that was why she wanted to forget me? Isn't making someone happy a reason to want to remember them? If that doesn't want to make her want to remember, then what will?

"Aw," But ever bad thought was shoved to the back of my mind hearing that. "I make you happy?"

The blush that covered her face made it hard to keep from pouncing on her right then and there.

"But that doesn't make sense!" I shouted after I got over my buzzing chest. "I don't understand!"

"Well, I like being happy. And I do not like being sad. And you're eventually going to leave. The more time spent with you, the happier I am and the sadder I'll be when you leave. But... I see that I can't avoid spending time with you if you're just going to find me again. So... I just try to forget the time I already spent with you. I'm good at forgetting things, cause in the end all you really have is memory and I don't like not having some sort of control with the ending. And I'd rather feel empty, like I missed something in the end, than sad."

I looked blankly at her. That made sense. That made a lot of fucking sense. I couldn't even bear to mentally beat myself up, I probably would have killed myself in the process. I can't make her happy without making her sad. Leaving her to be sad wont make her happy but it'll make her less sad. And now I don't know whats the best thing to do to make her happy and not have to leave her alone.

"Would you tell anyone else this?" I asked, deciding against any better questions.

"Only one of my friends, but he already knows. About you, I mean. Though, he knows about my forgetful habits. No one else."

"Then why did you tell me? Why didn't you just kick me and tell me to fuck off since I'm such a problem?"

"Well.... Because you asked. And you looked worried. I didn't want to trouble you by having you think about it later, so I answered you. And.... you're not a problem."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, almost frustratedly. "Me talking to you makes you happysad. Isn't that a problem?"

"....But I like being happy."

"......." You've got to be kidding me. "What can I do to make you happy?"

She answered without missing a beat. "I like hugs."

Moving next to her, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her to me, her body completely slumping.

"Do you think about how what you say and what you do counteract each other?" I asked.

"Sometimes I think. Sometimes I don't."

I chuckled and she seemed to sink farther. "Do you even care if they do?"

"The less you care, the happier you'll be." She yawned. "I'm so tired."

"Go to sleep. It's only school, you're a genius. You won't miss much." Though that was my excuse, I just liked sitting here like this too much to encourage her to go to class.

Her head rubbed against my jacket as she shook her head. "It's a kind of tired sleep can't fix. And I'm insomniac."

Hearing that set off a tinny, strange, spark of happiness, giving her a reason to have pills. She probably didn't need that many of that different varieties, but I pushed that aside and let my mind ease."

"Cole."

"Yeah?" She mumbled.

"Can I be the last thing you forget? So you'll remember my name tomorrow."

She took awhile to respond, me already going into a depressed state due to the answer I didn't want to hear.

"Yeah." She finally said. "I'll remember."