I'd Hate to See You Cry

When the rain started to pour, I decided to finally go back to the hotel. I trugged my feet up the stairs slowly, and into the hotel. It felt like it took the elevator forever to reach my level. Once I stepped out of the elevator, I saw Lisa. I smiled, and almost went for a small kiss. However, she stepped out of the way, and into the elevator. It was then that I noticed her suite cases.

"Lisa?" I asked her.

She slightly waved as the doors closed. I was confused. I turned around, walking into my own hotel room. No one else was awake, so I went to take a shower. I changed into a pair of gym shorts and t-shirt. I went to the couch, sitting down, and writing down lyrics. When I was almost done, I felt a movement on the couch beside me. I looked up to see Cayla. She didn’t look to happy with me at the moment.

"What are you doing?"

"Writing lyrics."

"Mind if I take a look?" Cayla asked me.

I hesitated, but I handed them to her.

"It’s called Too Much." I explained, and Cayla just nodded as she read them silently.

"I like it."

"The lyrics?"

"Yeah, they explain a lot about how you feel." Cayla paused. "My favorite is when it says ‘I admit, I miss seeing your face babe, and being alone is starting to take it’s toll. I’m cold, and it’s getting old. I admit, I should have made some changes, we were so smothered in love, and we didn’t have a chance to come up for air.’ It’s very insightful."

"Thanks." I nodded.

"It’s about her, isn’t it?" She asked me slowly.

"Yeah. I guess you could say that it’s obvious."

Cayla went quiet again.

"It is, actually." She paused. "What you said hurt her, Alex."

I nodded again. I already knew that much.

"And Lisa too." I added.

"What do you mean?"

"When I got to our floor, she was there. I was about to give her a kiss, but she stepped on the elevator instead."

"Maybe she needed air?"

"Her stuff was with her, Cayla. Lisa’s gone."

"Oh." She paused again. "Lisa was upset when you left.

"I didn’t mean to ruin everyone’s night."

"I know, Alex. You were hurt. It was expected that it was going to end bad. We all saw it coming."

"But I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to hurt either of them."

I felt terrible.

Cayla laid her hand on my shoulder.

"Alex, don’t worry about it to much. Lisa will probably forgive you."

"I know she will." I nodded. "It’s Katelyn I’m worried about."

That was it. Cayla didn’t know what to say about my statement.

"Cayla?"

"Hm?"

"How do I fix this?"

She removed her hand, and looked down at her feet.

"I honestly have no idea. You know how Katelyn is. She won’t talk to you again for a while."

"Why am I such a fuck up?" I questioned her.

Cayla laughed.

"You are." She agreed. "But in time, you can fix this. I just can’t promise that it will be anytime soon."

"Thanks." I mumbled, staring down at my own lyrics.

"I’m going back to bed. Please don’t stay up all night long, okay?"

"Okay." I nodded in agreement. Cayla kissed my cheek before heading back to her room with Zack. Sometimes I was envious of their seemingly perfect relationship that it drove me insane. Maybe it was the fact that they never hook up before, or maybe they were just meant for each other. Zack always loved her, that part was obvious. It didn’t take him years to figure it out like it did for me with Katelyn.

After writing another song, I finally turned back on my Blackberry. I sat it down on the couch beside me as it went off. I decided to get something to drink while it caught up with my messages until now. When I sat back down, I had a total of ten text messages, and seven missed calls. All of my calls were from Rian. Eight text messages was split between Jack, Rian, Zack, Jenna, and Cayla. Only two of them really stood out. Those two messages were from Lisa, and Katelyn. The two people I’ve managed to hurt the most. I decided to open Lisa’s first.

　

From: Lisa! <3

Alex, I hate to be saying this in a

text message, but I’m done. I can’t

compete for your heart when she has

clearly already won. I’m leaving for

Baltimore. I’m moving out of the house

too. We can always stay friends. Nothing

more, nothing less.

-Lisa.

She typed it like a letter, which I was slightly confused by. It took me a minute before I decided to not reply. I went to Katelyn’s message. I shook as I opened it.

　

From: Katie <3 ;)

We need to talk. No yelling,

no audience, no boyfriends or

girlfriends. Just us. I’ll probably

be awake all night, because of my

sleeping disorder. So call or text

me where you want to me.

-Katelyn.

I sat there, gaping at the text message. I did not expect that at all.

To: Katie <3 ;)

Meet me in five minutes

at the Coffee shop down

the street?

　

I didn’t even wait for a reply before putting on my beat up converse, and grabbing my sweatshirt. I left my hotel room, making it down to in five minutes. I slowly walked into the very empty, but very open coffee shop. I saw her sitting alone. She was in sweat pants, Uggs, and a black t-shirt with a hoddie. She no longer wore make up. It all had been whipped off. She noticed me, and motioned me to come forward. Slowly but surely, my feet started to move.

Katie.

He walked in, standing there awkwardly. I motioned him over, and he came toward me. After taking a seat in front of me, I spoke calmly.

"Do you want a coffee? I already finished mine, but I’ll buy you one."

"No thanks. I’m good." He was unusually quiet for a few minutes. "Why did you want to talk?"

"We can’t keep leaving each other on a bad note, Alex. I want us to at least try to be friends."

"I don’t see how we can, but we should try," He replied simply. "We always end up fighting. Our relationship was never a healthy one, and we both know it."

I sat there, only to find myself agreeing with him.

"I wasn’t in the best place to start off our relationship."

"Correction, we." He avoided my eyes. "It started off with sex, and a affair."

"Couldn’t be called a affair really. I wasn’t married." I corrected him. "But you were right. I turned into just any other young adult in the world. I forgot every moral I ever had just for you, Alexander. I’m sorry for that."

"I’m not." His eyes finally coming back to mine. "If I could do it over, I wouldn’t change it. Sure, it didn’t end the way I would have hoped it to, but I don’t have regrets."

"I loved you, Alex. I really did, with all of my heart. But I just can’t do it anymore. It’s to hard on me."

It hurt like hell to admit that out loud.

"So you are saying that there is a zero chance of us ever loving each other again?"

I hesitated. I felt terrible for telling him the truth.

"Alex, I’m getting married." I told him. "To Mason. We’ve been engaged for a month."

His face fell, along with all glimmer of hope slowly fading away.

"Congratulations." He replied. It was quiet for a few minutes. "Can we still be friends?"

I thought about what he had said earlier about not seeing it happen, neither did I. No matter how bad I wanted to say yes, I couldn’t do it. I shook my head no.

"I’m sorry, Alex."

"It’s cool." His eyes started to tear up. "I expected that much based off of what was just said." Tears finally spilled over his eyes. "Is this goodbye?"

That is when I knew how bad it hurt him. Alex usually never cried. How I hated to see him cry like that. It was never a good thing.

"Yeah, it’s goodbye." I agreed, and stood up. He followed my lead, and stood up too. Together we walked out of the coffee shop. I stuck out my hand from him to shake, but Alex pulled me into a tight hug. He cradled me tightly into his chest. Tears started to fal from my own eyes.

I pulled away from Alex, stepping out of his grasp. It hurt to be so close to him. I couldn’t handle it. I reached into my hoodie pocket, and I held on to my purity ring.

"Can I ask for just one more thing for me?"

I nodded to what he had asked, pulling my purity ring from my pocket.

"As long as you where my ring,"

He took my ring back, placing it back on the silver chain he wore.

"Now what do you want?" I almost smiled, tears still falling down my face, and his.

Alex gingerly took my head in his hands.

"Just one more kiss?" He whispered.

I almost smiled, but it broke my heart.

"Of course." My voice cracked.

My lips pressed lightly against his. The kiss was long, and passionate. As our lips pulled apart, I longed for them to come back together again.

"I will always love you, Katelyn Stella McCormick."

I felt myself blush.

"You were the best part of my life, Alex." I stated. "My last regret." I refused to say that I love you back.

He laughed as I quoted his song. I waved, and started backing up, and going toward my apartment.

"Our memories will fade like photographs." Alex said with a somewhat cheesy grin.

"Goodbye, Alex."

"Bye, Katelyn." My nickname didn’t escape his lips since before we were fighting.

I turned, and walked away.

It never felt right just leaving him in the streets of London, but I did it anyway. No matter how much I knew I would regret it.