One of the Boys

Leo didn’t aboard any further conversation with me for the remaining half hour of our journey. Truthfully, I was grateful for his silence, personal offence aside, it gave me time to sort out my thoughts and handle the physical pain that was creeping up in the frontal lobe. As I understood it, girls finished the drunken stage faster than boys and entered the hangover stage first. I guess no amount of disguising and dressing up can trick your physiology. Just as my period won’t stop because I am suppose to be a male, a concern that has been growing in the back of my mind when I looked at the calendar earlier today.

But that aside, the silence let me reflect on the madness that the evening had produced, amongst other things. My thoughts trained on to the impending events of tomorrow night’s induction. I wanted to stay in Ely dorm. I knew a few of the other boys from the other dorms, but I had already asserted my comportment on to the Ely boys and I didn’t want to repeat it. They knew to knock before coming into my room, they knew I liked my privacy and respected it, and most of all they didn’t get in my way.

It was due to the influence of my roommates that none of them had truly taken a jab at me yet. Except for rumours and some cowardly remarks about my size and feminine face, they had let me be. Though I had tried to give off a though exterior and acted tough, I’d be lying to myself if I denied that it was because my roommates were Teddy and Marcus, that I was left alone. Though my friendship with them irked a few, who I understand have been trying to win their favour since junior school, it greatly influences their attitude towards me. Teddy’s declaration of how I wasn’t to be messed with, and Marcus who begged for my apology and mercy whenever I shouted at him for the mess he created in our room; all this made me appear like a person of not only Holderness calibre, but of Ely dorm calibre.

I thought back to how I had been adamant on being a lone wolf for the rest of my stay here, but Teddy is clingy and Marcus needy. Plus Marcus knows my secret and it was clear that inter dorm relationships were strong and important in this place. Marcus won’t care about me if were weren’t dorm mates my secret would come out in no time if I was moved to another dorm such as Regent or Earl. He’d blab more freely if he didn’t see me every day. I have to stay in this dorm at all costs because the truth is I need Marcus and I need Teddy. Both were partners in crime and I was a possible victim. But my secret aside, I’d also hate to leave Ely for three more things. Marcus' strays, who like to purr on my bed in the morning, and my bed as well. I'm pretty sure I have to best bed in the whole school. Up in my little loft I can imagine being apart from this boy’s school and imagine being someplace with lower levels of testosterone.

Then there was Eric. I couldn’t leave sweet Eric behind. He was the one that had guided me through the first two weeks in this place, telling me about all the teachers, the best times to sneak in a nap, how to use your mobile in secret and how to get the best seats in the library. He had prepared snacks for me on a daily occasion and had played for me numerous times. Eric who talked back to the teachers, when they asked for missing homework. Eric who sneaked me answers in our French tests. Eric who wanted to be my friend. He was a bit strange, and a bit much at times, but when he still hadn’t answered my text by the end of the night, I realized I cared. Was he mad at me? I have been spending the past two weeks trying to apologize to Jacob Wright tfor the cold water incident, and I don’t want to go through that with Eric.

Leonard drove us back to Holderness College without a problem. Together, Castello and me snuck out of the car like criminals, closing the doors slowly behind us and wincing at the sound of the gravel underfoot. As we made out stealthy ten minute walk to the our dorms the night air buzzed with midnight creatures. We had passed security with ease. Castello had asked me not to say anything as the car approached the gates minded by the night time security guard. As we pulled in, he wound down the window letting in the cool night air in. In a matter of a day, summer had left us and Autumn had taken its place.

“Hello there Mr. Castello,” the night guard said from his post, as he turned down the radio. “Tate Modern, Gallery Exposé Soirée. You are back a little late, are you not? Your night pass says you’d be in for one, not three.“

“That’s right Josh, deeply sorry about that, we lost track of time at the end. I hope you won’t feel the need to report this little incident to the deputy. Hmm?”

“Eh? No, Mr. Castello, this was just to warn you not to make too much noise as you go on in. I wouldn’t dare put you into any sort of trouble when you were so sweet to my Emma,” the man gushed shamelessly.

“Ah, Emma.” Mr. Castello said solemnly, “How is that pretty girl of yours Josh?”

“I’m thinking of taking her to this opening at the Tate thing actually, her being an art student and all. But I have no clue about this modern art stuff. Ya know. Don’t really know what to say.”

“Just say something about it being a human’s comment on society from a controversial perspective. There is no wrong answer when it comes to most modern art. Have you asked her to marry you yet?”

The man visibly blushed scarlet and nervously rubbed his left earlobe. “Not yet, haven’t got the guts.”

“Why a fine guy like you Josh?” winked Leo, making me feel something in my nether regions, “She’s begging for it. Anyway don't take too long. The other boys should be just behind us, Marcus is driving. Night,” he gave a curt wave to the jittery guard and pressed on the gas, propelling us towards the darkened school. I looked at him in wonder. Just who was Leo Castello?

When we got to the entrance of the door he still hadn’t spoken to me, instead he pushed open the door crept in. He didn’t wish me good night as he disappeared down a hallway, the direction opposite to my own room.

I stayed outside for a few more minutes, appreciating the cool air on my skin. I was growing more nauseous by the minute and head was aggravatingly painful. I sat myself down on the floor by the door, swearing to myself to never drink so much again. I leaned back against a bush and stared at the distant stars that were winking with glee at my earthly stupidity.

“Lucas?” Cameron’s voice caught my attention and I looked around panicked for a few moments before locating him to my right, crouched down to my level and slightly unsteady on the balls of his feet. He place a hand on my shoulder to comfort me, as well as to steady himself. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just aching. Where are the others?”

“Smoking bellow the willow tree.”

“Oh,” was all I could say. Cameron smiled another one of his half smirks and sat down properly next to me, throwing his long legs over my own, laughing at the difference in length.

“You drank a lot tonight. I'm sure I did because I am still drunk,” He whispered. I don’t know if he was whispering because it matched the stillness of the night, or because of the atmosphere that was building up between the two of us. I had slightly shifted my body so that my head was resting on his knees. I was so tiered that I couldn’t sit up properly, let alone hold my head up. But I did tilt it towards his, watching his longish curls dance in the seductive breeze.

“How do you know you’re still drunk,” I mumble, my voice constricted my position and my exhaustion.

“Because you still look like a girl to me. I know everyone teases you about that and all. But you really do look like a girl. But at the same time you are so not. You’re tough, and strong minded, and man Lucas, you scare half the boys in this school. It makes most of them afraid to get on your bad side. Plus you eat like a pig. So I know you’re not a female or anything. So don’t take offence.”

“None taken,” Truth: I was very offended.

“That’s how I know I’m drunk. You know when you asked me what if you were a girl. What I would do? You’d make a good girl Lucas, but don’t think you don’t make a great guy. After my brother and Leo, your are definitively the coolest man I know. It’d be a waste if you were a girl. No one to be my back up on the field, you know.”

“Ha ha,” I laughed meekly, my heart pounding, “You are so drunk man, you say that to anyone else and they’d think your gay. Luckily I saw you with that hot redhead today, so I know what team you play for,” I sat up breaking the physical connection we had. I had to put some distance between the two of us, for my sake.

“Ah," He chuckled nervously. "I do sound a bit homosexual. I'm not hitting on you, so don't misinterpret my drunken speech. It's just... you aren't like most guys here. Your cute and you make me nervous. I actually I'm not the only one who thinks this way. You make a lot of straight boys here uncomfertable. Why are you so small Lucas,” he asked holding my waist. “This is so small. Yet you pack a killer punch. I’m envious. I am the tallest thing here and I have to work so hard to give powerful serves in Tennis.” His hands feel around my waist, fingers following my bindings, and before I can comprehend what is happening he asks, “Are you still hurt. Your chest has a binding on it. Is it the bandage from Miller’s kick? Is your chest hurting?”

“Oh, it still hurts," I nod, "But for an entirely different reason,” I whisper back to him, struggling to pull away from his hold on me. I can tell he is really drunk. His is speaking very slowly, even struggling to put the sentences together. When he comes to in the morning. he’ll be embarrassed. Because he is straight, and I am a boy called Lucas. It’ll confuse him and unless I tell him the truth, which I cannot at any cost, so he’ll probably panic. I can’t like Cameron or anyone for that matter. My hands are tied. "But it will heal if I just focus on something else."