Guilty So Guiltless

I rushed up the path to John’s front door, yanking it open without knocking. He always left his front door open when he was home. I played with my keys while walking into the kitchen where noises were heard in the house.

“John I need your help, last night I said something to Sam and-“ I stopped talking and stood in the doorway, my eyes glued to the person in the kitchen with John. Evangeline’s hair was a mess, her makeup was smeared everywhere, and she was still in her clothes from last night but this time they looked messy, like she threw them on and left the house without a care. She looked like she just left someone’s house after she slept with them.

“Did you at least get paid this time?” The words flew out of my mouth before I could process them. Evy glared at me but didn’t do anything else. John sighed and led me out of the kitchen and into the living room where we sat on the couch, John propping his feet up on the coffee table.

“Look, whatever you could have said to her couldn’t have been that bad-“ John was cut off by the sound of a crash in the kitchen. A few seconds later, Evy stormed in the living room, wooden spoon in hand. She walked towards me with the spoon raised and pointed a finger at me.

“Don’t you ever say anything like that to me!” She hit me with the spoon repeatedly. “I am not a slut, or a prostitute, or anything similar! You have no right to talk to me like that or to treat me the way you’ve been treating me!” The hits became harder with every emphasized word coming out of her mouth. By now I was curled into a ball on the couch, my arms shooting out to try and block the blows.

A forced pulled apart my arm and hers holding the spoon and the hitting ceased. I peeked out from my ball to see John hovering over the two of us, an arm in each of his hands. He grabbed the spoon from Evy and smacked her with it, then me, the both of us recoiling. John handed the spoon back to Evy and yelled, his voice booming throughout the house.

“BOTH OF YOU, IN HERE. DON’T COME OUT UNTIL YOU’VE MADE UP. NOW!” John grabbed the two of us and shoved us into the nearest room. The door locked as I slammed into a wall. I rubbed my back and hissed in pain from the impact.

“What if we have to pee?!” Evangeline pounded on the door, her voice raspy from yelling. John knocked back on the door and yelled back, “That’s why you’re in the bathroom!” Evy whimpered and slid to the floor.

“Why’re you such a dick, Kenny?” She spat from her spot on the floor. I looked at her with a smirk. “Same reason you’re a bitch, Evy.”

“You don’t know anything!”

“I know a lot and you know that! We were together for 3 years, and we were friends before that.”

“That doesn’t mean you know everything. You don’t know why I left, you don’t know how much I’ve changed in the past two years, you don’t know how much it hurt me to leave…” She trailed off and kept her head down. I let out of short, dark laugh. “How much it hurt you? What about us? Your friends here in Arizona? Did you know that Garrett, your best friend since preschool, refused to leave the house? He didn’t even do anything while he was holed up in his room; he just lay there and stared at the ceiling for a month straight! After that John couldn’t take it anymore and he dragged him out of the house! And Pat, Pat wasn’t as hyper and excited, he was the opposite. Jared wasn’t so smiley and optimistic, he didn’t talk much. John was the only one who wasn’t too hurt. The whole time he thought you’d come back. Eventually the rest of them believed it too, but I didn’t. You told me you wouldn’t be back.”

“Okay, and what about you Kennedy? Did you just sit back without a care that I left?” Evangeline stood up and came closer, trying to be intimidating. She always got in your face when she tried to act tough.

“I cared, I cared a lot. I was ten times worse then the four of them combined when you left. I loved you and you just left me without a word! You think I don’t know why you left? I know what you do, you run from all of your problems. You think that one problem is the end of the world, something you can’t fix, so you run from it. You just don’t try to fix it.”

Evy was silent. Her eyes were watery and her lips were sealed in a tight line.

“Oh and then you just come back randomly and expect everything to be okay? You come back thinking, ‘It’s okay, they’ll be happy I’m back. It’s not like I hurt them or anything!’ You think that’s okay? It’s too late to try and pick back up the pieces, when all you’d do is ruin everything again! You know, I though I’d spend the rest of my life with you. I thought we’d get married, have a family. When you left it felt like everything just crashed down. Nothing was in color anymore. It was all black and white, like you were the reason the world was in color…”

The room was silent, except for the sound of Evangeline’s uneven breathing. I stared into her bright green eyes; the kind that’s like a lime green color. She avoided my gaze for a while, but eventually returned it. We stayed like that for a while, just looking at each other. It was so easy to get lost in eyes like hers.

I was about to say something to break the silence, but before any words could come out Evangeline was kissing me. She still tasted a bit like alcohol, but I didn’t mind. Memories of the two of us swirled in my head as our lips moved together in sync. Our first date, the day we went to a theme park in California and we got lost, the day I first told her I loved her.

”Evangeline, close your eyes and follow me.” I grabbed her arm and tried leading her to the door, but she wouldn’t budge. I turned and looked at her, a confused expression on my face.

“How do I know you’re not taking me to be killed by an axe murderer?” Evy giggled as I raised my eyebrows. “You watch too many horror films for your own good.”

“At least I can handle them. You cry and whine and hide like a little baby when we watch horror films!”

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest. “I do not!”

“Admit it Kenny, you’re a wittle baby,” Evy cooed in a baby voice. I shook my head and stuck out my tongue.

“Real mature Kennedy. You’re just too stubborn to admit you’re a child.”

“It’s not manly, and being a man, I can’t have unmanly qualities!”

“So you admit to being a big baby?”

“If I say I am will you follow me?” Evy thought about it for a second, her eyes darting from me to the door. After a minute she nodded, taking my hand and closing her eyes, letting me lead her through the door.

When we went outside, the cool spring Arizona air ran a chill down our spines. Her grip tightened on my hand as we walked down the stone path to the lush green hill surrounded by flowers and trees of all kinds, making the park bright. I led her farther down the path, away from the kids on swing sets, the baseball fields, the yoga moms, and any other noise that can be heard in a park. We sat down on the grassy hill at the end of the park, where it was quiet and beautiful.

“Open your eyes,” I said, giving her hand a squeeze. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked around, a smile taking over her features.

“You brought me to Pear Hill?” I nodded and kissed her cheek, a small blush forming where I left. Pear Hill was a spot we all loved, ever since we first came here. The guys brought food and beer and we had a picnic. Pat brought a fruit salad for himself, and the squirrels got to it before he could, eating everything except the sliced pears. He was so angry, he threw the pears in the bushes at the edge of the hill, hence the name Pear Hill.

I stared at Evy, her blonde hair blowing in the soft breeze and her green eyes happy. She was so beautiful, she knew it too. She looked at me and smiled, leaning in to kiss me. It was short and sweet, and we both pulled away smiling, our faces a few inches apart.

“I love you, Evangeline.” She looked in my eyes and smiled wider, leaning in to kiss me again, only breaking apart to say, “I love you too.”

The kiss made me realize how much I didn’t hate her. There was a part of me that still loved her, that wouldn’t let her go. But the other part of me loved Sam. She was there for me during the dark times after Evy left. She never knew why I was so depressed, but she didn’t need to. Sam would always find a way to take my mind off of things and enjoy the moment.

We broke apart, Evy wiping her eyes before she looked at me. She still didn’t like people to see her cry. She gave me a forced smile and unlocked the door, opening it and walking out. The front door opened and closed, leaving me and John alone in the house.

John came in the bathroom holding a cup of Evangeline’s hangover cure. He brought the glass to his lips and took a drink before looking at me, then at the lock on the door.

“Shit, I forgot it locks both ways.”