A New Beginning

I kicked a stone down the street, sniffling a little as I finally finished crying. It was my first good cry in a long time, and it felt good to let out all that I was still holding.

When I got to the house, I went immediately into the basement and sat down in front of the piano. I took out all my frustration on the keyboard, singing my version (I Hate) Everything about You with as much fury as I could.

It fit. So well. I regretted very deeply about telling Puck my secret, and I wished with all my might that I didn’t have such a short temper.

About an hour later, all my angry energy had run out, and I basically just slouched, feeling so limp and done.

I had always thought that, by leaving Texas behind, I was leaving my past behind. Of course, that wasn’t the case. I could never leave that behind me, no matter how much therapy I went through (which was, trust me, a shitload of therapy). It would always be a part of me, a part of my story.

And that really sucked.

“You okay?” a voice asked from behind me. My stomach lurched a little at the sound, and my brain knew that I was supposed to get fired-up-angry, but I just…couldn’t.

“I’m fine,” I replied in a voice completely void of emotion. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.” Puck pulled a chair over next to me. For a second, we just sat there awkwardly until he started patting my back. The whole thing was just…viciously uncomfortable.

“What are you doing here?” I sighed. “I told you what you want to know. You can leave me alone now.”

“Australia, really. I’m sorry. I didn’t know that it was that, you know…hardcore. No offense, but I kind of figured that you were making a big deal about nothing.”

“Okay. Well,” was all I could really think of as a response.

“But you know what? You shouldn’t let that keep you from joining Glee, ya know?”

“What?” It was almost as if I didn’t hear him correctly. “You couldn’t have just said what I think you did. Even you’re not that dumb.”

He took a second to think that one over before shaking his head, completely dismissing it. “Think about it. If you join Glee and you totally upstage Santana, then everyone loves you, right? Then Santana spreads that awful story for you, and everyone feels badly for you and thinks she’s a bitch. You win again. What do you have to lose?”

“It’s not about winning and losing. God, you’re such a boy.” I bit the inside of my cheek as I turned to face him, backing up a little bit when I realized just how close he was to me. “It’s about…I don’t want people to look at me like I’m an abused kitten, like people at my old school did when I found out. That’s why I didn’t tell any of my friends; they all already knew.”

We were quiet for a second before I finally let out a laugh. “You know, I never figured you for the nice type. What’s up with you?”

“I feel bad for you? I can’t be a total dick all the time. It’s hard work.” He chuckled for a second. “Plus, I…I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t even believe how much of a bitch Santana is to you. You need to get that girl back.”

A slow smile spread across my face. “Now, my friend, you’re talking. Just what did you have in mind?”

“Well, it has to start with you making it into Glee Club. Then…it just snowballs from there.” His smirk was so evil, but in the moment, it couldn’t have been any more perfect.

Or, I hate to admit, attractive.

* * *

“What am I supposed to perform?” I snapped as we were walking down the hallway the next day. Puck was basically pushing me every few steps (lightly of course; I wasn’t face planting).

“Why don’t you do that Three Days Grace song that I walked in on you performing?”

“God, you make that sound so dirty, like you walked in on me changing.” I rolled my eyes and started walking for myself.

“A guy can dream,” he snickered, looking me up and down.

I pretended not to notice, and he, in turn, pretended that he didn’t see me blush. “I’m not sure I want to perform that,” I finally admitted. “I worked so long and hard on it.”

“What’s the point of putting all that work into something if you don’t want other people to hear it?” Puck was treating me like I was short a few brain cells, and I wanted to slap him, but we were already in Glee Club, and I didn’t want to make a bad first impression.

Everyone was staring at me, clearly wondering what I was doing in there. “Sydney?” Finn questioned, raising an eyebrow at me. “What are you doing here?”

“Um, I’m going to try out. I guess.” I cleared my throat.

“Try not to act so nervous,” Puck snickered in my ear before going over to the seats, sitting next to Santana. I tried not to stare at the two of them, which was hard, because they were whispering all in each other’s ears.

It was almost like I was…jealous.

Ew. Weird.

Mr. Schuester walked in a minute later, stopping for a second to stare at me. “Um…hi. Who are you?”

“Sydney, sir,” I introduced in my Southern accent. Inwardly, I winced and wished that it wasn’t so…obvious.

“And you’re here to…?”

“She’s here to audition,” Finn spoke up for me. He still looked a tad confused, but I could explain it all to him later. Hopefully, he was my ride home.

It was then that Santana finally looked up, wiping off the gross look she had on her face while talking to Puck. “Um, no she’s not,” Santana interrupted, giving me a death glare.

“Um, yes, I am,” I shot back. There was a guy at the piano, so I went over and asked him if I could use it, politely.

The guy nodded, said it wasn’t a problem, and disappeared. Then, I sat down, starting to feel overwhelmingly nervous.

The only way to control it, I knew, was to close my eyes and pretend like I was in the basement, in front of my piano. So, after taking a deep breath, I did just that and started to play.

My spirit lifted a thousand times over when I finished the performance without a hitch, and I turned toward the club to see what they thought. Because, sure, I could be happy with my performance, but that didn’t mean that they would want to accept me.

"Sydney!” Finn congratulated, getting up and hugging me. Which was kind of weird. “That was great!”

“Thanks,” I mumbled, feeling my face blush, since everyone else was staring at me.

“So, what’s the verdict, guys?” Mr. Schue questioned, grinning like he already knew the answer. “All in favor, say ‘aye!’”

Everyone but Santana and some girl named…shit. I think her name was Rachel. Yeah, that sounded right. They were the only ones that didn’t say anything.

Mr. Schue turned to me, all bright and sunny, and said, “Sounds like the ayes have it. Welcome to Glee Club.”

Santana stormed down the steps and grabbed me by the upper arm, dragging me away from the group.

Angrily, I swatted her hand away from me. “What the fuck is your problem?” I hissed at her.

“Be prepared for hell, you got it?” she hissed. “HELL!”

I looked over at the rest of the group, all of whom were staring at us curiously.

“Bring it, bitch,” I smiled. “And watch your status tumble at this school.”

We stared down for a second before Santana walked away, got Brittany, and made an exit.

As for me, I turned around and made eye contact with Puck. We both nodded, understanding that this was the end of phase one.