A New Beginning

Sunday night, I sat in my room in a lotus position, my eyes closed, breathing deeply. I had looked up on how to do meditation and how it connects you to yourself or something like that, so I was just trying it to see if I could figure out my feelings for Puck. Okay, so maybe I should just let the feelings come to me when they did and everything would be happy, but I hated having that vague answer hanging between the two of us.

So, in my mind, it was better to realize the whole thing as soon as possible and tell Puck a definitive answer.

But, unfortunately, I had no idea what I was doing. The longer I stayed in the meditating position, the stiffer my back became, the more uncomfortable I was.

After a good twenty minutes, I sighed and lied down on my back, staring up at the ceiling. “Okay, so I won’t exactly be quitting school and joining the monks anytime soon,” I sighed.

And in that second, an idea popped into my head. I knew exactly how I could figure out my feelings for Puck once and for all.

But the idea scared the shit out of me.

* * *

“Puck,” I greeted him at his locker. My mouth was still open to finish my statement, but I noticed that one of his football buddies was still leaning against the locker next to his. They were probably in the middle of a conversation, but I didn’t care.

“Go away,” I told him, pairing it with a shoo-ing motion.

The guy shot an irritated look at Puck, but Puck just shrugged, as if “What can I do? She’s my girlfriend, you know?”

After he left, stomping and grumbling under his breath about how whipped Puck was, I started talking again. “We’re going to skip Glee Club today.”

“Uh, well, we’re supposed to find out our new assignment for the week today. Is this important?”

“Since when are you a good kid?” I laughed. “We can find out what we’re supposed to do from Finn. I just…I have a plan, and you kind of have to be there for it.”

He raised an eyebrow, expecting me to continue, but I just walked around him. “Meet me at your locker after school,” he called after me.

I turned to smile at him, a silent agreement, before resuming my walk to class.

* * *

“Alright, so what’s your plan?” Puck asked the second I was in earshot of him. He was against my locker, his hands in his pockets. “My mind has been racing all day.”

“Well, it’s gonna keep going because I’m not telling you.” Pushing him lightly out of my way, I opened my locker and transferred my materials so I only had what I needed. “Are we going to your truck?”

“Uh, yeah. Unless you want to walk or something.”

“Nope. Come on.” I lead the way outside, making sure that no one from Glee Club saw us. God knows that they’d rat us out to Mr. Schue (especially Rachel), and then we’d get in trouble. Well, maybe not in trouble, but we’d probably get a look from Mr. Schue that would make me feel guilty.

But then again, maybe not. I knew this was something I had to do, no matter the consequences.

We were in the car, and it was quiet, but I knew that Puck’s thoughts were racing, trying to figure out what we were going to do. I figured that his ideas were probably really dirty and so far off base from what was really going to happen.

“Alright, just tell me. Are you going to show me your boobs?” Puck asked, his voice way more hopeful than I wanted to hear.

“No!” I rolled my eyes. “God, that’s what you really thought?”

“Kind of. It’s the only thing that crossed my mind that could actually happen.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Sue me. I’m an optometrist.”

“I think you mean optimist, idiot.” I laughed a little as we pulled into my driveway. “Alright, let’s go into the backyard.”

“Backyard? It’s freezing out.”

“Puck!”

“What?”

“Will you stop being a whiny baby for ten seconds?”

He opened his mouth to protest but I got out of the car before he could get a word out. After slamming the truck door closed, I walked around the side of the house.

The backyard had a huge swimming pool in the middle, Aunt Marisol’s garden in the back. There were a few trees scattered around, too, but since it was nearly winter, everything was dead, covered, barren.

“Alright, so what did you want to do?”

I looked over at Puck. Already, his cheeks and nose were flushed slightly pink from the cold.

Slowly, I walked over to him and put my hands on his shoulders. Turning him around, I pushed him toward the right of the backyard, near where Aunt Marisol plants her roses. “Here. That way, if someone comes home early, they won’t see us.”

“See us doing what?” Puck raised an eyebrow.

Feeling my stomach fill with butterflies, I took a deep breath. “Alright, so I’ve been trying to figure out since I shot you down how I really feel about you with no success. So I’ve decided that there’s only one surefire way to decide.”

“Uh…what…?”

“Just…shut your eyes. And whatever happens, keep your cool. Okay?”

He looked like he was about to question me again, but I just glared at him. After a minute, he let out a sigh and closed his eyes.

For a couple minutes, I only stared at him, trying to work up the courage. My mind tried to talk me out of it the entire time, but another part of me wouldn’t walk away because I needed to have closure.

“What the hell are you doing? It’s cold out-“ Puck started to whine, but I closed the distance between us, putting my hands on his frozen cheeks. His voice cut off, and I leaned closer.

Our lips touched lightly at first, and I was testing to see if I had any sort of reaction. Then, I leaned in more, really kissing him.

At first, he followed my directions, keeping his hands at his sides, just letting me figure things out without much reciprocation. It wasn’t long, though, before he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

It was clear to me then that I really did have feelings for him. All it took was kissing him for all of them to bubble to the surface from under the blanket of uncertainty where I’d hidden them away.

I let myself stay afraid of having feelings for guys, for trusting someone, since so many people had let me down in the past, had taken advantage of my innocence and me.

But was Puck going to be the one to break that streak? The few times I thought about, I figured it would be a sensitive, caring guy who would be the kind to hear out my concerns and hold me when I cried. And I didn’t think that was Puck’s personality at all.

Whoever said things don’t usually go as planned was a pretty smart guy.

Puck and I finally separated, but our arms stayed wrapped around each other. “Don’t tell me you’re going to say no after that,” he begged, brushing my hair out of my face.

“Not a chance,” I breathed, wanting nothing more than to kiss him again. I never knew it was possible for me to feel so good.