A New Beginning

That night, I woke up hour after hour with nightmares that made me wake up screaming and made sweat pour down my face. The voices still echoed in my head as I stared into the darkness, blinking quickly to try to get rid of the images.

It’s alright, Sydney. Bell’s coming in a minute. You’re shaking. Just try to…relax.

I shoved my hands into my eyes and slowly breathed. I was in Ohio. I was in Santana’s house. Well, my house. In my room. There was no one there with me.

A song blared out of my iHome, and I slapped my hand over the off button. Getting dressed was a welcome distraction, even if it did only last a few minutes.

At the breakfast table, Santana was fixing her ponytail as she stared into a compact, making sure that it had the perfect amount of curl. She was in her Cheerios outfit, as usual, her skirt obnoxiously short.

“Well,” she started as she snapped her compact short, shoving it into her purse, “you look like shit.”

“No thanks to you, bitch,” I hissed at her, feeling the weight of the bags under my eyes. “I had almost forgotten all about everything before you reminded me about our deal.” My stomach lurched at the mention, and I struggled to keep the bile from rising up my throat.

“No problem. Just making sure that you remember your place.” She smirked at me before reaching around me to get a coffee cup. I knew that she put the vomit shake distributed by the Cheerios coach, Coach Sylvester, in that thing so that she could puke up whatever she ate at lunch. Too bad I didn’t care enough about her to tell her parents that she was bulimic.

“Be in the car in two minutes, or I’m leaving your disgusting ass behind. By the way, I don’t know if you want to look ten times fatter than you already are, but if you do, then that sweatshirt is working wonders.” Shooting me another vicious glare, she slipped out of the house and shut the door behind her.

More than anything, I wanted to grab a glass from the cupboard and follow her outside, finally ending all the harsh things that she’s ever said to me by chucking it at her head.

But I didn’t. Instead, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second.

It’s alright, Sydney.

Gritting my teeth and blocking the voice, I grabbed my bag lunch from the cupboard and shuffled outside to meet Santana.

She was smudging her eye shadow in the rearview mirror, which was pointed at her instead of where it was supposed to be.

“Nope. It’s still that ugly face you remember,” I sneered as I climbed into the passenger’s seat. “Too bad, huh?”

“Look, Syd. You’re lucky that I’ve been nice enough to go out of my way to drive you to school-”

“I live in your house, Miss Braindead.”

“So don’t ruin it," she continued as if I hadn't even spoken. "I will make you walk to school. And then your hair would be even more of a mess than it already is.”

I sat back and crossed my arms across my chest, sensing that any more arguing wasn’t going to help me in my situation. Even though I wanted more than anything to rip out her eyeballs or tear her extensions right out of her skull, I refrained.

When I got to school, I immediately marched ahead of Santana, pulling the hem of my sweatshirt down further over my butt.

“Stephanie, right?” Puck questioned, coming up to me out of nowhere. I almost smiled for a second before I remembered what a douche he’d been the last time we’d talked. And that he got my name wrong.

“Sydney.”

“Right. Like Austria.”

“Australia.” Stepping in front of him, I made the two of us stop walking, causing a couple of people bump into us and cuss us out. Not that I cared. “Is there something you want?”

“Are you busy Friday night?”

“No.”

“Would you want to…you know?” He winked at me, and I let out a snort.

“No.”

“Oh, come on. Even though you kind of dress like a guy hobo, you still manage to be hot.”

“I’m not really sure if that’s an insult or a compliment. So I’m just going to walk away.”

I only got a couple of steps before Puck’s hand clasped around my arm and pulled me back toward him, but not too harshly. “Hey…you don’t do that.”

“Do what? Walk away? ‘Cause watch me go.”

He took another step forward, and his fingers ever so gently brushed against my upper leg. My sanity told me that he didn’t mean to do it, that it was just an accident, but my insanity didn’t want to listen.

“Don’t touch me!” I screamed at him, backing up, feeling my heart pound out of my chest. “Don’t touch me.”

“I didn’t mean-”

“Stay away from me. You hear me? Just stay away from me.” Marching off into the distance, I tried to push away the memory that was fighting its way as my center focus.

Settling down into my seat, I sank down and wiped my eye, taking a deep breath. It was okay. I was fine.

It’s alright, Sydney.

“Sydney?” a voice invaded my harried mental state, bringing me back to reality for a second. Looking up at Finn, I blinked a couple of times, just to make sure that it was actually him. “Are…are you okay?”

“Not sure you actually want the answer to that,” I laughed lightly. He looked genuinely worried, so I just shrugged. “Just some drama with Santana. We don’t get along very well.”

“Oh, yeah. I can see how that would happen.”

Nodding, I turned my attention back toward the front board, stifling anything Texas.

At lunch, I was sitting next to Finn at a lone table. It was sweet of him to leave his football friends, and I had a feeling that he just felt badly for me and sensed that I was a mental nutcase.

“Sydney!” Santana shouted at me, slapping a hand on the table loudly in front of me. “What the hell? I heard from a little birdie,” she looked over my shoulder at Finn, “that you had a little breakdown earlier. Will you grow the fuck up already?”

“You don’t understand,” I hissed at her. “You just don’t.”

“You’re right. I don’t. Maybe you should go back to Texas, and I can find-”

I stood up, standing just slightly taller than her. “You better stop that sentence right there. Don’t say something you’ll regret.”

“The only thing I regret is telling Mom and Dad that it was okay if you lived with us. You’re totally insane.”

Then, with the whole cafeteria watching, she grinned at me, innocent-as-you-please, before skipping away. Leaving me the center of attention.

The one place I really didn’t want to be.