Love Me Honestly

"Do you love me or not?"

Matt freezes. He has one hand hovering over a lottery ticket, a coin clutched between his fingers. He bought the ticket (actually, he bought four. But that’s not the point) at the corner store a few blocks away from the venue that the band plays at tonight. He figured it would be some decent fun to try and win. The past few days have consisted of him on the phone what felt like 27/7 and trying to figure out where to find Alex some clothes to wear until they found his suitcase. So naturally he’s sort of stressed out. He puts the coin down on the table and looks up. His eyes meet Zack’s and instantly his heart drops.

The younger man is standing there in the middle of the front lounge in the clothes he went to sleep in the night before, his arms crossed over his chest. He looks sad by every definition of the word and Matt knows that’s sort of his fault.

“Why would you ask me that? You know I do,” Matt says softly to his boyfriend after glancing behind him to make sure none of the other guys were standing there, creeping on their conversation.

“I just,” Zack starts off, uncrossing his arms and shoving both hands into the pockets of his sweats. “You haven’t said it lately. And I thought maybe I did something or you wanted to leave me or something…”

Matt widens his eyes, not realizing that his lack of affection had been affecting Zack that badly. Sure, he’d sort of been a bit distant as of late but that was only because everything was really hectic. Between trying to figure out exactly what Alex did with his suitcase at the last venue (he claims he didn’t leave it there but Matt begs to differ because hello – it’s missing) and making sure that Vinny doesn’t drink himself into a coma like he almost nearly did the other night, Matt’s attention hasn’t exactly been on Zack and maybe he should have tried a little harder to maintain a balance.

“Zack, I love you. You know I do.” Matt stands up, leaving his scratch off lottery behind on the table. “And I don’t want to leave you. That’s ridiculous that you’d even think that.” He reaches out and places his hands on Zack’s hips, pulling him closer. “The past week has been a bit weird. I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t care, or something.”

Zack blushes, shaking his head. “I was stupid. You’re right; I shouldn’t have felt like that.”

Matt pulls the bassist even closer, pressing their foreheads together and earning a small smile from him. From past experiences, Matt knows that Zack is sensitive – he’s always second guessing everything and he can only imagine what was running through his head while Matt was being an unintentional jerk. “You’re not stupid.” He presses his lips to the younger boys and then backs up. “Just remember that I love you. Because I definitely do.”

-*-

After the show, and after pretty much every fan has left the surrounding area, Flyzik still feels pretty terrible about the way he made Zack feel. Intentional or not, he doesn’t want his boyfriend to ever doubt their relationship and he wants to make it up to him. They’re in New York City and if they had the time, he would totally take him out to a really nice restaurant and walk around a little bit. But the reality is that they don’t have the time – they need to start heading to the next venue really soon and Matt has to make sure everyone is back on the bus by one thirty.

Right now, it’s midnight and he’s pretty sure both Alex and Rian are in the bar across the street from where the bus is parked and Jack is probably stalking his girlfriend as much as he can through text messages. Zack is definitely in the back lounge watching a movie, exactly where Matt left him. Hopefully he stays there until Matt gets back from wherever he manages to find something decent.

Flowers are a definite no. Not only are they difficult to pick out but they’re expensive too and Matt doesn’t want to waste his money on something that’s just going to die in a few days. Plus, Zack probably wouldn’t like them very much and Alex and Rian would definitely never let him hear the end of it. So yeah. No flowers.

As he’s walking down what he thinks might be Seventh Avenue, his phone beeps, telling him he has a new text message. He opens it up, sighing in relief when he sees that it’s from Keith, telling him that the last venue found Alex’s suitcase and they’ve paid for overnight shipping and should be at the next venue tomorrow afternoon. He adds a little note at the end to inform Alex that the next time this happens, Keith won’t be as nice about it. Matt hopes that he never has to deal with this again.

He shoves his phone back into his pocket and sucks his lip ring into his mouth, glancing around at all the different stores and restaurants around him. He’s thankful for New York City being the “city that never sleeps” but he’d appreciate it even more if it could just point a big red arrow indicating where he should go. Pizza? Chinese Food? Pasta? God, this would be so much easier if Zack actually ate food. All he seems to eat these days are protein bars and shakes and stuff that makes Matt’s stomach turn.

Actually…Now that he’s thinking about it…Zack is running out of protein shakes in the fridge and he’s pretty certain the younger boy mentioned not having any more bars left. If Matt can find a GNC or some other health food store and get him both of those things, he’ll make Zack happy and therefore not feel like shit anymore. The actual challenge will be remembering which brand Zack likes best.

-*-

“You are twenty minutes late!” Alex shouts the second Matt opens the door to the bus. He barely has his foot on the top step before the lead singer is in his face, arms crossed over his chest angrily. “You told me not to be late to bus call and here you are, arriving twenty minutes late. Wait-” He reaches out and grabs one of the bags out of Matt’s hand, opening it up. “Did you bring us food?”

“No,” Matt snaps, grabbing the bag back. “It’s not for you. But you’ll be happy to know that your suitcase will be at the venue tomorrow afternoon. They found it in the shower in the dressing room. You’re an idiot.”

“Huh…” Alex shrugs. “That’s interesting.”

Matt shakes his head and pushes past him, heading right for the fridge. He pulls the pack of protein shakes out of its bag and shoves it towards the back before shutting it again.

“You bought him protein shakes. That’s so fucking adorable,” Alex says sarcastically from his spot at the table.

“Go jerk off in your bunk or something, asshole,” Matt says, tossing the now crumpled up plastic bag at his head. He doesn’t wait to see a reaction – he knows it’ll be dramatic, as Alex normally is. He finds Zack in the back lounge, on the couch exactly where he left him earlier. Only now, he’s curled up in a ball, clearly sleeping. Matt doesn’t really want to wake him up but at the same time he actually really does because he kind of wants to see the smile on his face when he tells him that he got all of his crappy food as well as sushi and a movie for them to watch. He can’t really guarantee the quality of the sushi because the store he got it at was a little bit iffy but. Whatever. It’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?

So he sits down on the edge of the couch and puts the other plastic bag on the table, shaking Zack awake. “Wake up. I got you something.”

Zack ignores him, rolling over so that he’s facing away from Matt and batting his hand away when it rests on his shoulder. “Too tired,” is his muffled response and Matt rolls his eyes.

“Fine. Move over then.” He shoves at Zack’s body until he stretches out and gives Matt enough room to lie down.

“Where were you?” Zack asks after a few long minutes of silence.

Matt doesn’t respond right away, trying to get into a more comfortable position without falling off the couch. He accidently shoves his knee into Zack’s side and the younger boy starts laughing, claiming that it tickles. “Well maybe if you moved over a little more and let me actually hold you then I wouldn’t be kicking you.”

Zack, still smiling, apologizes and presses himself up against the back of the couch as best as he can, finally letting Matt slip an arm around his waist. “What’s in the bag?” He nods towards the plastic bag still sitting on the table.

“Oh. Sushi and a movie I bought at Walgreens.”

“Ew, you bought sushi at Walgreens? They sell sushi?”

“What? No – that came from a weird little corner store and I’m not so sure if it’s edible but we’ll see. I meant the movie came from Walgreens. And I also found a GNC that was about to close but I managed to sweet talk them into letting me get those stupid protein bars and shakes that you always run out of.”

“Seriously? You did?” Zack grins and presses his face into Matt’s shoulder. “Aw, you do love me.” His fingers curl into the hem of his boyfriend’s sweatshirt. “Are the shakes chocolate?”

“Yes – Don’t worry, I made sure.”

“Sweet. Thanks.” The bassist presses his lips to Matt’s, his fingers moving underneath the hoodie and rubbing his skin.

Matt kisses back, thinking ‘hey, I’m probably getting laid tonight’, but of course, Zack pulls away seconds after the thought is finished. He reaches over Matt’s body and grabs the plastic bag, pulling out the container of sushi and the DVD.

“Go put this on,” He requests, handing the movie to his boyfriend and Matt smiles despite the fact that Zack is a tease.

By the time Matt gets back to the couch, the movie has just started up and Zack has already deemed the sushi disgusting, so they leave it on the table and curl up on the couch, fingers tangled together.

“Thanks for buying my shakes and stuff for me,” Zack mumbles into Matt’s shoulder. “And I’m sorry I acted like a teenage girl earlier. I know you were dealing with other shit. I was selfish.”

Matt doesn’t respond with words. Instead he just kisses the side of Zack’s head and silently makes a promise to himself to never give Zack a reason to feel insecure about their relationship again.