Hunt the Haunted

The sun was streaming in the large windows. The storm had finally passed. I stretched, relishing the feeling of the warmth from the sun on my bare skin. The calm sensation from my dream still lingered. I finally understood what was going on. Josh was mine. We were meant to be. I guess I couldn’t complain about our ‘relationship’ anymore. As if he’d heard my thoughts, I saw his feet wander through the doorway to the kitchen.

‘Morning.’ I stated, smiling as his head came into view. He’d thrown on his jeans, but his chest was still bare. I stood, wrapping the blanket around my torso as I went, and Josh groaned.

‘Ammy, you’re obscuring the view.’ He complained. I giggled and kissed him on the cheek, before his words really hit me.

‘What did you just call me?’ I narrowed my eyes at him, and he visibly shrunk away from me.

‘Ammy. I just thought that Amelia was too formal, and...’ He trailed off, obviously worried by the change in my attitude. I relaxed, realising that this was Andy’s way of assuring me that it was okay.

‘Oh, okay. Sorry, it’s just no one’s called me that in years. Not since... Well, since Andy died.’ I sniffed, and looked away. Josh pulled me into his arms, and kissed my forehead.

‘Sorry, honey. If you don’t want me to call you that, I won’t.’

‘No. No. I like it.’ I smiled at him, and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He returned my smile.

‘I think I worked it out, Ammy. Why I’m here. I think I finally know why I never moved on. Because this is where I’m supposed to be. With you, Amelia.’ He squeezed his arms tighter around me, and I smiled, a proper smile, the first one in years. ‘I know it’s only been like, a week, but I love you Ammy. I feel like I’ve known you for my entire life. And death.’ I smiled, and ducked my head into his chest.

Did I love him? I supposed I did, but it’s not like I’d ever been in love before. Even if I did love him, I couldn’t say it out loud. All love ever did was break people. My dad had loved my mother so much, he’d killed her so he’d never have to be without her. I didn’t really have that many good experiences with love. But Josh understood. He didn’t press me, he just acknowledged the fact I couldn’t say it.

We stood like that for a while, me wrapped in his arms. I contemplated how strange this situation was. I mean, it’s not like you sleep with a ghost every day. Or would this become a regular occurrence for me? I guess it all came down to if what was between me and Josh really was love.

‘I’ve gotta go, honey. I’ll be back later.’ Josh’s voice snapped me out of my reverie.

‘Why? Where you going?’ I asked, surprised that he had anywhere to be.

‘I’m just gonna go back to Weybridge. I wanna see my parents again.’ I smiled and nodded, accepting this as a reasonable excuse for him to leave me. We kissed again, this one slightly longer, before he disappeared, leaving me alone.

I gathered my clothes and got dressed, wondering what to do until Josh returned. My stomach started to growl at me, so I figured making lunch would be a good place to start. So, I stood there, chopping the tomatoes for my sandwich, the knife heavy in my hand. I held the blade up to the light, and I realised what I could do while Josh was gone.

I’d contemplated this, and I guess now was a good a time as any. I lay down in my bathtub, knowing full well that this was gonna hurt. The knife was cool as it slid across my wrists, the blood bubbling up the surface. As I lay there, watching my life ebb away, I thought about everything. How I hoped that this would work, so me and Josh could go off into the ‘afterlife’ together, wherever that may be. I know this seemed slightly drastic, but I guess I loved him. I didn’t want the best/only real relationship to be with a ghost. Plus, I figured, ghosts can’t annoy me as much if I’m one too.

I don’t suppose this is what any of them wanted. I guess they just gave me Josh so I wouldn’t be so lonely. So I wouldn’t be so annoyed by the random people appearing in my room at all hours of the night. But, in reality, this whole mediating thing takes a lot out of you. When the reality really sinks in that everybody you’ve ever helped is dead, it’s draining. You are helping people who will never breathe again to sort out their problems, when you have no one to help you sort out yours.

Or maybe that’s what Andy had meant. When she’d said that nobody would hold it against me. Maybe she meant that it was okay for me to do this, to end my life. That they’d understand why I’d have to do it.

Well, this, this was me sorting out my problems, once and for all. I mean, I still hadn’t worked out the pattern of where you ended up when you die, or even how it works. I mean, would I wake up in this bathtub, in this blood stained hoodie? Or would I find myself miles away, in the middle of a city? I’d encountered both types of ‘crossing over’ during my time as a mediator, and I was unsure of how your location was determined.

I was still thinking about this when I saw Josh appear in the bathroom with me. My life was definitely nearing its end now, and there was little he could do. My vision swam, blurring. I tried to focus on Josh’s face, the tears that were threatening to fall down his face. He didn’t ask me why, and I guess that’s because he just knew. He knew that this was my way of saying ‘I love you’. He just held me. He wrapped me in his arms and told me that I’d be okay. That the pain would be over soon. My eyes slipped closed.