It Can't Be

Her sobs could be heard in the dead of night, the only problem was, they were five miles away from the closest gas station and at least eight outside of town all together. There was no one in a close enough radius to hear her cries or understand what was happening in the 2011 Ford Explorer, no one to rescue her from his needing grasp.

Aubree had shoved at his body but her tiny 5’3 frame was no match for the two hundred and ten pound football player. She then realized, too late, that she should have seen past Kevin’s presentable exterior and seen his frat boy personality from the beginning. Little things he confronted her with the previous five dates showed every sign of a boy, not yet a man, looking for one thing and one thing only.

As she lay there, shivering and finally surrendered, she bit her lip knowing she would never get past this. The first time was supposed to be special and full of love, but instead she was stuck with disrespect and force. She closed her eyes holding back any trace of tears she may satisfy him with and saw her future fold out in front of her.



Aubree lay there after the deed had been done, attempting not to look in Kevin’s general direction but was having a hard enough time keeping her composure. He sighed, a happy sigh, and leaned towards her for a kiss. Taken back by her expression, he caressed her face gently, smiling.

“What’s wrong baby?” He asked innocently. He almost seemed as though he really had no knowledge of what had just happened.

She scuffed, “nothing, take me home,” was all she could conjure. He noticed her eyes, not quite dry and climbed into the front seat of the Explorer, leaving her to dress herself.
Aubree spent the entire thirteen minute drive back to her house silent in the back seat, away from Kevin. When he came to a stop in front of her house he turned around only to notice her tears as she opened the door and exited.

She raced to her room, careful not to disturb her parents or draw attention to herself, and sat on her bed. Concentrating on her breathing she almost felt completely stable when her cell phone began to sing the song “The Only Exception” by Paramore.

Fumbling to flip open the phone she felt her entire body go numb. “Hello,” she breathed quietly, hoping the voice on the other end would respect her need for peace, but of course not.

“I don’t know what you think happened tonight Aubree, but I love you.” Kevin’s voice was shaky, he knew he had done something wrong but was not man enough to admit it.
Confused Aubree chuckled, hoping he wouldn’t notice. “You do not love me Kevin,” she started.

“Do not turn this into something it wasn’t,” he began before being interrupted.

“Kevin,” she started her voice somewhat louder, “Do not call me ever again.” Aubree was amazed by the strength in her voice, by how serious she was portraying herself as. “I do not want to see you ever again. You know what you did and if you so much as try to deny it, I’ll go to my parents right now.” Kevin was quiet listening to her demands. “Do not say hi to me in the halls as school, do not call my phone, do not even speak my name, or I will go to the police and I promise you, they will not see this as ‘nothing.’”

Aubree paused but hearing Kevin begin to object said “Stop, I mean it.” With those four last words she hung up, determined never to think of Kevin or this night again.



Aubree held her breath as she noticed Meghan gracefully walking in her direction. Aubree knew what this weekend was, Meghan’s Annual Ski Trip, and was not excited, in the least, to attend. She opened her locker door and pretended she never saw Meghan.

“Aubree,” Meghan’s voice sang above all of the hallway chatter. “I hope you haven’t forgotten about my ski trip this weekend,” she smiled.

“Of course I haven’t,” Aubree said sighing “I was about to come talk to you about details, in fact.” Saying the lie was harder than ever, but she knew it needed done.

Meghan looked surprised but pleased, “Great, because you’ve been a little out of it lately, not talking to any of it,” she said frowning.

Aubree knew that was true, she had been avoiding everyone for over a month now, since the incident had occurred. She put on a happy smile, “I know, I’ve been stressed about the debate and speech teams, you know how I get,” she finished patting Meghan’s shoulder. “Let’s talk ski trip. I can’t wait to see everyone again.”

Meghan began to ramble about details, where they were going this year, whose parents were driving, and who wasn’t invited this year. However, Aubree wasn’t able to listen due to the sudden urge to loss her lunch. Her eyes widened as she looked up towards Meghan.
“You don’t look so hot…” Meghan began slowly, “Maybe you should sit down.” But before she could finish the last three words Aubree had taken off towards the closest restroom.

Aubree emerged, confused and upset, concentrating on the date. She made her way carefully into the lunch room and took her spot next to Meghan. She could hear all of the girls laughing and talking about this weekend, school, and boys but felt as if she wasn’t really there.

Taking out her planner, she searched for the date. March 13, exactly six weeks since the night with Kevin. Her heart stopped as her eyes searched the room for Kevin, locking onto him in the corner with the other jocks of her school.

She stood up, ignoring Meghan’s question “Where are you going?” and made her way towards Kevin’s table. He glanced up towards her, noticing the fear in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” His voiced sounded different, more grown up, more defined.
She blinked and took a deep breath in, “We need to talk.”

He laughed and looked towards his friends, hoping to disguise the fear that remained from her earlier threat of what would happen if he spoke to her. “Aubree, I have nothing to talk to you about,” he attempted sounding determined. His buddies looked from his face to hers, now noticing the tension in the conversation.

“NOW!” Aubree spoke, close enough to screaming, as she turned away and walked towards the hallway door, ignoring everybody’s eyes on her. She turned her focus from the door once, only to make sure Kevin was following her, and he was.

He looked confused, he looked frightened, and he looked upset. She could see all of these emotions pouring from his body as if he were a waterfall after a heavy rain. “I’m late,” was all she could muster up to say to his face. His expression changed to understanding and worry.

“You can’t be late, you’re on birth control,” was his excuse as he walked back towards the door of the lunchroom, convinced she was attempting to trap him.

“Who,” Aubree breathed, “Said I was on birth control Kevin? When did you have time to ask me if I was on birth control?” He turned to her after that line, “When you were shoving me to the seat of your Explorer? When you were telling me to ’Shut Up’ because I would like it?” Tears were flowing down her face now; there was no stopping them as she ran out of the school towards her car, forgetting all of her books and homework inside.

She hooked her seatbelt and began to drive, not sure of where she was going exactly, except for away.

She drove the two hours from Jamestown, ND until she reached the state capitol of Bismarck and parked in the parking lot of a Walmart, attempting to keep her cool. She turned the car off and walked into the Walmart, holding her parents credit card and her cell phone, and walked towards the health department.

Aubree scanned all of her options for a pregnancy test, but instead grabbed the first one she saw, she walked up to the closest register, handed the box over, careful not to make any eye contact and mumbled, “Where’s the bathroom.”

She felt as if everyone’s eyes were suddenly glued to the back of her head, wanting to know what a girl, at only sixteen years of age was doing, purchasing a pregnancy test. She shoved the thought to the back of her mind as she closed herself inside a stall and turned the box around in her hands. The box read, ”Clearblue Digital Pregnancy Tests,” She took in a deep breath as she opened the box and repeated the action, opening the wrapper to one of the pregnancy tests.

After ‘peeing on the stick,’ as she had heard it portrayed, she sat it on the back of the toilet praying, as she counted the long one hundred and eighty seconds.

At the end of the three minutes she gained all of her confidence and peeked over the test to read the word, ”Pregnant.” In shock, she ripped open the remaining two tests in the box and took them, counting to one hundred and eighty, but they both reviled the same results.
Aubree stood up in the bathroom stall, placed her hand on her stomach, and whispered to herself, ”It can’t be.”