I'm Such a Foolish Mother***er.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the wonderfully flat hospital pillow, swallowing my tears. Knowing I had Johnny's baby inside of me killed me. Knowing Nick now knew it wasn't his killed me. Knowing the baby was dead killed me.

Nick had walked out of the room, saying he was going to tell Johnny what happened. Which now only made my anxiety skyrocket.

I opened my eyes and barely smiled at Johnny as he walked in, looking confused. "What happened?"

"...Nick didn't say...?" I cursed inside of my head as Johnny nodded. He wanted me to tell him myself.

"Um...well..." I sighed nervously and twiddled my thumbs, looking down at my hands to avoid eye contact. "It wasn't Nick's baby..." I glanced up at him. He looked like he was trying to hide a smirk.

"Oh really? Who's then?" I shook my head at him, knowing he was thinking it was some other guy's.

"Well, how about you guess?" He raised his eyebrow at me. "Who was I in a relationship with before Nick again?"

His face fell and he simply stared at me. "Yeah. It was ours. I was 3 months pregnant, not 2. Therefore, it was your child inside of me."

"Are you fucking joking me right now?" He blurted out. I shook my head. "You were pregnant with my kid?"

"Yeah. I was." I watched him as he slowly put his head in his hands, letting out a shaky breath.

"I'm sorry." I murmured.

"Don't be, it was my fault." I blinked and stared at him, confused now.

"How was it your fault?"

"I'm sure our little talk we had didn't help with you being stressed, now did it?" He looked at me and I could tell he was fighting back the tears.

".....No." I didn't want to admit he was right about that, I knew it only made him feel worse.

He stood up and walked over to my bed. He leaned down and gently gave me a hug, being careful not to mess with the IV the doctor had stabbed in my arm.

"I'm sorry for everything." I whimpered, wrapping my arm without the IV around his neck tightly.

"I am too, Skye." I started crying, not being able to help it. My emotions were completely out of wack right now; from losing a baby, to Johnny and I finally "reconciling",,,it was all way to much.

"Don't cry, sweetheart." I could tell he was near tears by the sound of his voice, and that only made me start crying harder.

"Everything sucks now. It sucked before because we weren't friends, but it sucks worse now!" I wailed. He pulled away slightly and held my face in my hands, forcing me to look at him.

"Things will get better, I promise. Everything will fix itself. I know shit's been...well, shitty lately. A lot of things have happened in less than a year, and trust me when I say it's been a test for all of us. I know it's torn you apart, it's definitely torn Nick apart, and it was starting to tear me apart, too. But everything will get better, sooner or later." I sniffled and nodded. He cracked a tiny smile at me, wiping my tears away with his thumbs. "I promise you that, alright?"

"Alright." I giggled when he held his pinky out, just like I had done the last time I was in the hospital. We hooked our pinkies together and he smiled at me. "And I'm not mad at you anymore. I don't think I could've stayed mad at you much longer, anyways. Regardless of what just happened."

I "aww"'d out loud and he rolled his eyes playfully. "I missed you way too much, Johnny." He smiled and kissed my forehead. "I missed you too."

"Promise me also that nothing will ever tear us apart like that again?" I stuck my pinky out once again and he laughed, reconnecting them.

"I promise forever and ever."

$$$

I smiled and let out a slight sigh of relief as I walked out of the hospital, thankful to be out of that depressing and slightly scary atmosphere.

"Relieved to get out of there?" Johnny chuckled as we walked towards his car. Nick had apparently told him to bring me home, which made me a little nervous. I was afraid he was mad at me...

"Very." I smiled and got in on the passenger side, buckling my seat belt.

"I still don't get why they let you out in the same day you were admitted." He thought out loud. I glanced at the clock in his car that read 11:45 PM, and shrugged.

"They said I was fine, there wasn't really much left to do after I......miscarried." I cringed slightly as I said that word, and Johnny shot me a sympathetic smile.

"I guess it's better that way. 'Least you don't have to spend the night there." I nodded in agreement. The next few minutes were silent as we started the drive to my house.

"Is Nick mad at me?" I asked quietly after those few minutes. I looked over at Johnny and he shook his head.

"I don't think he's mad...he sounded sad when he called me and told me to come pick you up. Which is understandable...but I don't think he's mad at you." I nodded my head, feeling a little down about the fact that Nick was sad. And knowing I inevitably caused his sadness.

"You took the news better than I thought you would. You didn't seem too upset." He glanced over at me and smiled sadly. "I didn't know it was my kid until after it was gone. I didn't..."bond" with it, I guess. I'm a little sad, but...I think Nick's sadder."

"Probably." I mumbled.

We continued to chat a little throughout the drive, mainly about happier things. He told me he was willing to give me my job at the tattoo shop back, which I was ecstatic over. I definitely missed it there, it felt like my second home.

We pulled into the driveway of mine and Nick's house. I slowly got out, still hurting a little, Johnny coming over to my side to make sure I was alright. We walked up to the front door and I fumbled with my keys for a minute before finding the right one and shoving it in the lock.

Johnny closed the door behind us and I set my keys on the counter. "Nick?" I called out, getting no response. I noticed the bedroom door closed.

"Maybe he's asleep?" Johnny said, reading my mind. I nodded and walked over, slowly opening the door. I smiled softly when I saw him laying in the bed, sound asleep. I tiptoed into the dark room, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. I let my lips linger for a few seconds, realizing something wasn't right.

"Nick?" I smoothed his hair out of his face, my hand stopping halfway when I noticed his face felt clammy.

"Johnny!" I gently rolled Nick onto his back and leaned down, listening. I started panicking when I could barely hear his slow, shallow breathing.

"What?" He asked, flipping the light switch on. That's when I saw the empty prescription pill bottle laying on the nightstand, and an empty beer can on the bed.

"Nick?!" I shook him as hard as I could, starting to cry again. "Nick, wake up!"

"Nick, dude, wake up now!" Johnny yelled.

"Call 911!" My head was spinning right now, I couldn't even think straight. I pressed my ear to his chest, only hearing a faint heartbeat. "He barely has a heartbeat, so hurry up!" Johnny started rambling to the lady on the phone, telling her she needed to send someone as fast as possible.

"Nick, baby, wake up, please!!" I cried, shaking his limp body even harder than before.

"They'll be here in a few minutes." Johnny rambled out. "Oh god, fuck, Nick...wake up, do something...Nick, come on!" He shook Nick too, also not getting a response. I started crying harder, praying to something, anything that I didn't lose my boyfriend and my baby in the same day.