The Only Hope for Me Is You Alone

I looked at Gerard.... He never sounded so serious.
"Gerard..." I sat up and looked at him. "A-are you... sure?"
Gerard nodded and wiped his eyes.
"You... Don't love me or Annabel enough... to stay?"
"Why do you think I tell Bert to come over Lindsey?"
"YOU told him to come over?!"
"I mean... He wanted... to but I just told him to go over so Annabel would get more attached to him and not.. want me anymore."
"Gerard, love doesn't work that way. Annabel loves, and idolizes you." I stood and turned on the light. "You're all she talks about to her friends and me. No matter if she finds out Bert's her real dad, she'll still love you! You don't just push someone you love dearly out of your heart!"
"Lindsey, you're going to marry Bert. You're going to take care of Annabel and our child together."
"NO!"
"LINDSEY I'M TRYING TO HELP!"
"I love you, Gerard. You're the most selfish, stupidest, loving, bitchy guy I've ever met but, I love you so much. You said it on TV... "
"Said what.."
"That you love me... and you'd do anything for me..."
"Lindsey.." He said as he sat up. "I'm a fucked up man. I shouldn't have helped you with Annabell or anything. I'll do anything to leave you, I'm not just... going to do it and that's it. I'm detaching myself first. Bert's living here, you're gonna have....sex together and make more babies. He can support you."
"I can't believe you're doing this to me."
"Lindsey" He grabbed my arms. "You're on drugs and have bulimia."
"Gerard get the fuck off of me"
"Lindsey... We're both unfit parents... Do it with me." He grabbed pills out of his drawer. "We could die together." He smiled.
"I may be fucked up but, I'm not leaving my child."
"Lindsey."
"Gerard, you're obsessed with suicide. You've attempted for months... You never loved me."
"I did so."
"You can do whatever you want Gerard." I said while trying to hold back tears. "You can cheat and kill yourself and do whatever... But I'm telling Annabel how sick and fucked up you are you selfish son of a bitch."
Gerard looked at me and glared.
"You've threatened me with suicide for the last time!"
"Get the fuck out Lindsey."
I got dressed and walked out of the room. I put my coat on and walked in the snow. I looked around at all the Christmas lights, families getting together, that smell of the Christmas pine tree... I turned when I saw headlights and saw Bert's car.
"LINDSEY ITS FUCKING COLD OUT ARE YOU RETAR- Why are you crying? Lindsey, get in!"
I got in his car and shut the door.
"Linds, what's the problemo?" Bert said as he drove.
"It's... Gerard. He's pulling the suicide thing again. If he does that, I'm out of money... I'll lose the guy I've been in love with for years and... Annabel will be devastated."
"Lindsey... He's messed up."
"I'm no better! I sold myself on the streets when Gerard left me one year to keep up for my baby!"
"Lindsey... He's not father-material."
I kept holding back tears.
"Bert.. I'm a cocaine/heroin addict. I cut myself. I have bulimia... I'm not a fit parent either."
Bert pulled over on the highway and turned to me. I looked him in the face then started hysterically crying. I couldn't hold it back anymore. Bert went to the back seat and pulled me back with him. He held me for a while.
"Let it all out." He said as he held me.
It felt weird... But so right. Gerard hasn't done this to me in a while...
"I'm in danger of child services coming... I want Annabel to live a good happy life without me and Gerard fucking it up!"
"Lindsey... You and Gerard... how do I put this.. Have bad childhoods. It's not your fault for acting like this because this is what you see at home. My parents were very strict. I might have rebelled a lot but... I still have values my parents enforced. My house is spotless, I hate clutter..."
"I need a rehab..."
"I'll sign you into one but... Let's just.. talk..." Bert smiled at me.
I looked at him.
"I have a question that's been... in my head for a while."
"Yeah Bert?"
"Remember... our.. so called sex..."
"Yeah.."
"Why weren't you... a virgin?" He looked out the window.
"One of my mom's boyfriends found interest in me when I was 12"
He looked at me. "I-I'm... sorry."
"It's alright."
Bert put his hands on his lap and looked at the seat. "I almost had another baby."
"How?"
"I met this girl I thought I loved... She just used me for money. She faked a pregnancy on me."
"Aw Bert, that's terrible.."
He smiled and looked at me.
"What?"
"You care?"
"Yes"
He smiled bigger. "Would you like to go out on a dinner date with me, Ms. Cobain?"
I smiled. "Of course, Mr. McCracken"

Bert really impressed me that night. The dinner was the best part... I actually ate and kept it down. It felt so good.