The Way We Talk

I awoke to retching in the hallway bathroom. Jack was spilling whatever he’d consumed the night before and it sounded awful. I looked that the clock next to me; 5:30am. I groaned and turned over, covering my head with a pillow.

“You know you want to go help him,” Jared spoke up.

I pulled the pillow away from my ear, looking at him. “You’re the one who let him drink so much, you take care of him.”

“He’s a big boy, he can handle himself.” Jared replied.

Jack’s retching turned into painful moans and I felt guilty for ignoring him. “I hate you,” I told Jared as I sat up and pulled the covers off.

“Sure,” Jared mumbled already falling asleep again. I walked barefoot to the bathroom and poked my head in. It reeked of vomit, turning my stomach. I swallowed and attempted not to gag.

“Jack, are you alright?” I asked. He was sitting on the ground, his face against the toilet. That was gross.

Jack groaned as he lifted his head, trying to look at the doorway, but he was barely functioning. At least he’d been coordinated enough to make it to the bathroom. He laid his head down again before speaking.

“Hey Abs,” he muttered. “Sorry, I didn’t know he was bringing me back here.”

“It’s okay,” I answered, “Do you need me to get you something, water, anything?”

“No, I just want to pass out again. Everything is spinning,” Jack moaned.

I stepped in, squatting next to him. “Here, let’s get you up.” I reached under his arm and tried to lift him, but he wasn’t helping me any.

“Just wait a sec, hang on,” Jack begged.

I sighed and gave up, sitting against the wall. “So you hung out with Jared, huh?”

“Mmm, yeah. He called me up and met me at some bar, I can’t remember the name. I guess he wanted to talk,” Jack answered, his eyes closing.

“So he said. He also said that you told him something else.”

“Probably, I’ve got no filter when I’m hammered,” Jack chuckled softly.

“Did you tell him that you still loved me?” I asked bluntly.

Jack’s eyes opened slightly. “I –I really don’t remember.”

“Jack, please tell me the truth. Do-Do you really still have feelings for me?” I asked, looking down at my finger nails.

“Abby, I don’t think you and I should talk about this.” Jack lifted his head slowly, trying to get up.

I stood quickly, helping him up. “Why not, Jack?”

Jack swayed, leaning on me. “We just don’t need to talk about it.”

I sighed and guided him to the couch. “Fine.”

“Why do you even care? You’re getting married,” Jack asked as he sat down on one end of the couch.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “I just needed to know.”

Jack looked up at me. “Would it make a difference, you know, if I did still care?”

We stared at each other for a minute.

“I don’t know.” I sat down on the other end of the couch, pulling my feet up. “I miss you,” I said very quietly, keeping my gaze on my toes.

Jack cleared his throat and stood up, swaying slightly. “I don’t think we should talk about this. In fact, I need to go home.”

He began walking to the door. I stood up and followed him quickly. “You can’t drive home, you’re still half drunk.”

“Then I’ll walk,” Jack muttered.

“It’s too far and it’s barely going to be six,” I challenged.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Just stay here.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I said no, Abigail. I’m leaving.” Jack whirled around to face me, raising his voice. “You don’t always get what you want in life. Sometimes you just have to face the fact that things aren’t always going to work out the way you want them. I’m not staying here just because you ask me to. You’re not that special.”

I felt the pool of tears start welling in my eyes. I blinked a few times and swallowed, staring straight into Jack’s eyes. “I know the world isn’t perfect. But it’s not about everything being perfect; it’s all about finding perfection in anything. Like the way I still love you even though you know exactly how to hurt me and push me away. You do it perfectly.”

Jack’s face softened and he opened his mouth to speak, but I held up my hand. “Save it. I’m not done. We’ve known each other for a really long time Jack. I thought that would be enough, that it could keep us together as friends, but clearly we’re better off just being people that we used to know. So just go home, Jack. Go home and don’t ever come back.”

Jack nodded slowly, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just, I’m sorry.”

I didn’t watch as he walked out and shut the door softly behind him. I sat down and let the tears fall silently.

“Are you okay?” Jared stood in the doorway of our bedroom.

I quickly wiped away the tears, and cleared my throat. “Uh, I’m fine, fine.”

Jared sauntered over and sat next to me, pulling me into his arms. “He didn’t mean it, that you’re not special. You’re completely special,” he whispered.

I laughed, completely in shock at how amazing this man was. We were in a fight, and yet here he was comforting me.

“I’m okay, Jared. I just cracked under the stress of wedding planning and Jack’s insanity adding to it. But I’m better now. You were right; not being friends is the best option for me and Jack. I’m done having him in my life. I know what I want.”

He hugged me silently for another second before I pulled away from him and looked him straight in the eyes.

“I want you.” I told him, “and only you, forever.”

I smiled at him and he smiled back. Suddenly, I felt everything shift into place.

“Let’s get married,” I said.

Jared looked at me in confusion. “We are getting married, in a few months.”

“No, I mean let’s get married now. I’m done planning this wedding and stressing over it. I just, I’m done. Let’s just go to the courthouse and get married. I’ll call in to work and you don’t have anywhere to be.”

Jared stared at me. “Are you feeling okay?

“Yes!” I laughed. “Let’s get married.”

“Okay.” Jared nodded, a smile breaking onto his face. “Let’s get married, today.”