Beautiful Things

"What's wrong?" I asked immediately as Hotch sat down.

I felt like I was jumping to conclusions, actually I knew I was, but I could never tell if he had good news or bad. If it was bad, I just hoped it wasn't about the killers in custody.

"Our Section Chief has asked me to keep an eye out for any potential candidates to join the BAU," he replied. "They want to expand it."

"Oh really?"

"I think you know what I'm getting at," he said, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You'll have to go through training, of course, but we'd really appreciate your field experience in the FBI."

"Well," I mumbled, "I think it's impossible for me to say no."

We stood up and I shook his hand across the desk. I knew the plane left tomorrow, but that surely wasn't enough time for me to pack up everything and leave. I was going to need a place to stay, too.

Hotch left my office, allowing me to absorb everything in. I wasn't sure what to think at first. I couldn't actually start training until next month, anyway. That would give me time to settle in Quantico.

Everything seemed to all be happening at once. If I didn't keep my head, I'd be overwhelmed with it all. But I was pretty good with being on top of things, so I wasn't worried.

If anything, I was excited. I wanted to pack right now and get on that plane tomorrow, even though I knew that was impossible. I wondered about the FBI.

Would I be doing the same work there? I probably would be bossed around a lot more, since I wouldn't be in charge of anything. I'd be a guppy in an ocean full of sharks.

"Hey Meg," Rory said, popping his head into my office.

"No really, just come on in," I hissed sarcastically.

"Don't mind if I do," he replied as he shut the door behind him.

He knew I was being sarcastic, but just chose to ignore it and get on my nerves. He acted oblivious, but he'd have to be stupid not to sense my annoyance.

"What do you want?" I asked.

I stopped going through the papers on my desk and placed my hands on my hips to stop them from moving. I glared at him, unimpressed with the way he was distracting me. If he didn't have something useful to say, I'd probably snap.

"What was Hotch doing in here?"

"Agent Hotchner," I corrected him.

"Right, of course."

"Is that all?" I questioned him after a moment of silence.

"You never answered my question," he retorted, confused.

"Because I don't have to," I answered bitterly. "You can leave now."

I gestured towards the door. He stared at me for awhile, as if he was studying me or wondering why I was such a bitch, and then he sighed and turned to leave. I didn't sit back down until he shut the door behind him.

I immediately realized what I would be leaving behind here. Could I just let the police department fall into the hands of Rory? After all the work I put into getting to the top, I fought with everything I had, and now I was just walking away from it all.

I hadn't thought about that. When Hotch offered the job, all I could think was yes, yes, yes, but what now? Yes seemed like it could easily turn into a mistake.



Morgan offered to drive me home. I wasn't supposed to be driving, plus I didn't have my car at the station. It stayed in the parking lot, as it would for the next month. I was upset about that. I loved driving, the wind in my hair and the radio full blast.

"Let me walk you up," Morgan insisted as he parked the car.

I undid my seat belt. "Don't be silly, I'll be fine."

He completely ignored me as he followed me inside. He even carried my things for me. I felt it was totally unnecessary, but it didn't seem like he was taking no for an answer, so I let him.

"Can I get you something to drink?" I offered as we entered. I felt it would be rude if I didn't.

Morgan placed my things inside the front hallway. "No, I'm good, but are you going to be okay here alone?"

"Yeah, of course," I assured him. "Please stop worrying."

"You do know what you went through, right?"

"Morgan," I warned playfully. I smiled as I walked over and hugged him. "Thank you for caring, but I'm okay."

"Call me if you need anything," he told me. "I mean anything, if you need me to pick something up or even just for company, I'm here until tomorrow morning."

"Thank you," I said again as I showed him out.

Once Morgan was gone, I felt really alone. I drifted in and out of each room, allowing the hollowness to consume me. I entered rooms just to stand there and then leave. I felt like I was searching for something that wasn't there.

I turned on my stereo, putting in my favourite CD. I opened up a bottle of wine and drank sparingly. My eyes often darted over to the clock hanging on the wall. I watched as the minutes passed seven.

At 7:09 the phone rang. I knew it was Reid, waiting for me to buzz him up. I sat on the couch and listened to it ring over my music. If I stayed here, as head of the police department, I could easily go out to dinner with Reid. If I took the FBI job, and moved to Quantico, I couldn't pick up that phone.

So I didn't.