Beautiful Things

I woke up around nine to the phone ringing. I stretched out on the couch, where I had fallen asleep. The empty wine glass was still on the coffee table. I yawned and swung my hand over the arm of the couch to grab the phone.

"Hello?" I said as I put it to my ear.

"Hey stranger.”

I immediately knew it was Reid. I mentally cursed myself for not checking first. I wanted to put off speaking to him for another month, but that didn't seem to be the way it was playing out. I instantly became nervous and my heart was slowly dropping into my stomach. I sucked it up and continued talking.

"I--I'm sorry about last night," I told him, "Hotch offered me a job."

"Oh," he replied, "Oh." A second time as if it was all clear now.

"Yeah, I haven't officially taken it yet, though," I added defensively. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t care about him.

There was a long pause from his end of the phone. I wasn't sure if he was thinking or if he was talking to someone else, or if he had just simply hung up on me like I desperately wished he would. I didn't want to have to discuss this decision with him. I didn’t want to tell him that I didn’t know what to do, because I wasn’t allowed to be lost or confused or scared of losing him or this job opportunity.

"Reid?" I said softly, hesitantly.

"You need to take it, you know that, right?"

His words came out of nowhere: quick and abrupt. I took them in, trying to make myself believe he had said them. I was sure he was going to subtly try to convince me to give up the offer just to pursue him, but it was the other way around, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

I hadn't really prepared myself for that yet. I had just assumed, and now I was truly wishing I hadn't. At the same time though, it made the decision that much harder as well, because no matter what he said, it still came down to the job or him. I was still scared.

"I can't take the job," I decided out loud.

"What? What do you mean you can't take the job?" he repeated, disbelievingly. "Listen Megan, if you don't take it, you're going to regret it, why would you want to turn it down anyway? Isn't this part of what you worked so hard for?"

"I'm tired of working," I admitted, "Can we start over?" I immediately tried to change the topic to something I rather talk about.

"Is that what this is about?" Reid questioned, sounding disappointed.

"It's my choice," I defended it.

"And you're making the wrong one," he retorted.

"No one thought I should be a cop anyway," I told him, "Not my parents, not the rest of this small town, not anyone."

"You're an amazing cop, Meg," he said sincerely.

"It doesn't change a thing."

Suddenly the dial tone was ringing in my ears and I pulled the phone away from my ear to look at it. Reid had actually hung up on me. I know I had wished for this earlier, but now that the conversation was going somewhere, I wished for the opposite. I wasn't sure what he was trying to say by this, or if he was trying to say anything at all.

My biggest problem was that I assumed. I assumed way too much. I over thought everything, because everything had to mean something to me. I couldn’t just accept the fact it meant nothing and I had to move on without thinking about it. All I really wanted was to figure things out with Reid. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that I didn’t want him, he was all I could think about, and I knew that had to mean something.

I had to get out of the house. I couldn’t just sit here in my own pity, so I got dressed, slipped my phone into my jean pocket, and flew out the door. I didn’t have a destination in mind, but anywhere was better than home. Home wasn’t even home anymore.

I didn’t feel safe or comfortable or warm. I felt cold and lonely and sad. I didn’t want to feel like that, especially right now, so I had to leave. I got in my car and started it, idling in the parking lot. I thought. I deeply thought about what I was doing, where I was going.

It was obvious I was trying to run away. I was trying to tell myself my apartment was depressing and that’s why I was going for a drive, but I couldn’t convince myself. I knew it was because of Reid. I wanted to go back to the dress shop where his attention was solely on me. I wanted to buy him coffee and just sit in the back of the dimly lit café beside him. And I knew it was incredibly stupid of me to even want these things, but I couldn’t stop.

So, pathetically, I turned off my car and headed back towards my building. I had no reason to go anywhere. Matter of fact, I should be in my sweats, eating comfort food, and watching my favourite Disney movies. That’s probably the only thing that could make this day better. Instead of running away, I was going to eat myself happy and sit in my own sad mess.

Maybe it didn’t sound exactly appealing or ideal, but it did the trick. I was definitely feeling less shitty and even thought a smile would be possible within the next hour.

The phone rang, but I didn’t move a muscle. My face was squished against the arm of the couch as my eyes continued to stare at the TV. It went to voice mail, and I was immediately regretting my decision to have the message play out loud. I sat on the couch and listened to Reid’s voice. Reid’s voice.

I jumped off the couch, falling on the floor as I did so. I scurried to my feet and lunged towards the phone, grabbing it off the cradle as I pressed talked. “Hello,” I said quickly.

“Oh, hey, Meg,” Reid said. “I was just leaving you a message.”

“Sorry about that, I was...” unable to think of a real excuse, I settled on, “busy.”

“Right, of course,” he replied, “I’m sorry I hung up. It’s illegal to talk on the phone and drive, you know.”

“Drive? Where are you?” I asked suspiciously.

“Well, in the message I said I was my hotel, but that was simply because you didn’t pick up,” he laughed sheepishly, “Truthfully, I’m downstairs.”

“Oh!” I exclaimed, remembering how I looked, “But the jet—”

“Left without me. I need to talk to you. Actually, neither of us has to talk if you’d prefer that, I just wanted to see you,” he admitted.

Then I thought about the FBI and how hard I had worked to get that job offer and how all my dreams should be coming true, the dreams I wanted since I was a little girl. Yet here I was, in my dinky apartment, and dreams I had dreamt up only in the past week were coming true. I couldn't decided if my old dreams were still relevant.

"I'll buzz you up now."