& Sometimes Life Isn't Fair but I Will Always Love You

Brandon’s parents went home to get sleep when we found out that he was ok, just sleeping.

I stayed. I wasn’t leaving until I was told what in the hell was going on.

I was still staring at the ground. I had been the whole time I was here, apart from when his parents came to tell me that he was ok and that they were leaving.

“Excuse me, are you Alayna?” a male voice asks.

I look up from the ugly carpet to see a male doctor looking at me.

“Yes.” I say, my voice hoarse from crying.

“Brandon is awake now, and he is asking for you.”

I nodded and slowly got up. I walked down the hall to his room barefoot. I must look like a complete mess. Hair everywhere, dress, barefoot, eyes bloodshot and puffy.

I didn’t particularly care.

I opened the door to his room and walked in. I stared straight at the window as I walked further into the room, even though I knew he was looking at me.

“Alayna,” he said softly. I crossed my arms and slowly turned to face him, my expression unreadable.

His face looked pained whe he saw the way I acted.

“Alayna,” his voice cracked. “I…” he trailed off.

“Your what Brandon? Sorry? Sorry that you didn’t tell the girl the you supposedly love that you have cancer?” I snapped, cringing at the word cancer. “Or are you sorry about the fact that I found out? Were you ever even planning on telling me Brandon? Or were you just going to play it out, until you were done with me, because, what else have you got to lose right? Just play with her heart, and when the going gets tough and she may lose you, then we can tell her that I have freaking Acute Promyeolytic Leukemia!” I screamed the last part.

Caught up in my emotions I slammed down into the chair in the corner of the room and starting sobbing into my hands.

And when I did I realized that he had been the boy my mom had been talking about. The woman that my mom had met had been his mother.

“Alayna, love,” Brandon said, and I could tell he was close to crying. “Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry, it hurts too much to see you cry.”

“Hurt?” I snapped, looking up at him, tears still falling down my face. “Hurt? It hurts you to see me cry?” I said standing up again and walking over to his bed. “How do you think it felt for me when I see the boy I love start throwing up blood. Or how about that time I had to unbutton your shirt to see if there were white tubes sticking out of your heart!” I screamed and he flinched. “Or how about when I waited in the waiting room for seven hours to see my boyfriend who was currently unconscious! Or when I found out that he had cancer that he could possibly die from!”

That last part really hit me. It pushed me over the edge. Momentarily I forgot about him not telling me. I forgot about the fact that I was supposed to be totally pissed with him. I forgot all of it and focused on what I had just said.

He could die.

The boy I am in love with could die.

I lost all ability to move and started weeping. Brandon opened his arms and I fell into them, curling into him and sobbing.

He tried to quiet me, tried to calm me down, but I couldn’t. He stroked my hair over and over again, and usually that helped calm me. Not today.

“Why?” I sobbed into him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I looked up to see him crying too.

“I didn’t tell you because I was afraid it would run you off. That you wouldn’t love me anymore; and I need you Alayna. I need you now. I am completely dependant on you, there is no way that I could live without you.”

“How do you think I feel about you?” I asked him, tears running down my cheeks. “Only, its worse; because your afraid of me leaving you, and we not talking anymore or being together. But if you die, how am I supposed to live? If I left you, you could always fight for me, get me back. If you die there is no way I could ever have you back in my arms again, because you would be gone, forever.” I said.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into my hair.

“I know,” I sobbed into his shoulder.

We stayed like that, crying together about the misfortune of our situation, until we both fell asleep together.