You Make Me Feel So Alive

When we got back to my apartment, I let go of his hand to turn on the lights and smiled and the slightly disappointed expression he wore when I let go.

"So, do you want to watch a movie?" I asked. We'd watched a different movie almost every night since he'd gotten here, and it was kind of like ritual for us now.

He nodded, blushing slightly, like he wasn't quite sure how to act around me now that I knew how he felt about me.

"Awesome. I'll just get some popcorn, you pick out whatever you want."

I walked into the kitchen, and as the popcorn was popping, I started worrying.

Was I acting like a normal person would in this situation? I didn't want him to think anything was wrong or that I didn't like him or anything. Am I supposed to kiss him? Did I mess up by holding his hand?

I leaned my head in my hands and rested my elbows on the counter, sighing deeply. Now I understand why they didn't want me to have feelings. They're so complicated and they make me nervous. I don't like it. But I have to admit... I would go through all the complications and nervousness so I could have the feeling that I get whenever Liam smiles at me...

The microwave beeped and I got up and put the popcorn in a bowl, walking out to the living room to find Liam curled up on the couch in a blanket, the menu for Moulin Rouge already playing on the TV screen. I smiled at how cute he looked and walked over, putting the popcorn on the table.

Liam smiled up at me and patted the spot next to him on the couch, lifting the blanket so I could have some of it, too.

I sat down and wrapped my arms around him and smiled when he leaned into my chest. We were, dare I say it, cuddling, and I loved it. Normally, we shared the blanket, but we never leaned on each other like this. I can't say I don't enjoy it though...

About halfway through the movie, I was really starting to get relaxed. I'd never really been relaxed, not in my entire life. But something about Liam made my mind go blank, and all I could think about was him and how happy I was that he was in my life...

I'm beginning to like this feelings thing.

The movie was one of my personal favorites, but now I was really seeing why people liked this movie so much. The emotions that I felt when I was watching it were incredibly intense, and I'll admit, I even teared up once or twice.

But that was nothing compared to Liam. By the time the movie finished, he was sobbing like no tomorrow. I held him close to my chest, whispering comforting words in his ear, because, for some reason, making him stop crying was the most important thing in the world to me. I just couldn't stand seeing him crying. It made me want to cry, too.

"Shhh." I said. "Don't cry. I've got you. It's okay."

"I'm sorry." he choked out. "I'm being silly. It's just a movie."

"You're not being silly." I said. "You're having emotions, it's a perfectly normal thing to do. But hey, don't cry. You're too pretty for that."

He smiled and blushed, looking down. I wiped the wet streaks the tears had left behind off of his cheeks and cupped my hand around his face.

"Damien?" he said.

"Yeah." I replied, glancing to his lips, then back to his eyes.

"I really want to kiss you right now." he said.

I smiled and leaned forward, catching his lips with mine in a short, sweet kiss.

I'd been through a lot the past couple of weeks, what with learning how to react to all the new different emotions, and falling for someone for the first time, but I was in no way prepared for the electric shock that shot through my veins the moment my lips touched Liam's.

It was like nothing I'd ever experienced and I never wanted it to stop. I would keep Liam here forever if I could feel like this whenever we kissed.

Before now, I thought that everyone was just being stupid and melodramatic when they said they saw fireworks. But now I understand. I saw fireworks, rainbows, fucking unicorns when I kissed Liam. It was like everything I'd been doing had been leading up to this.

I knew that the general advice in these kind of situations is to take it slow, but I couldn't help it. I started moving my lips against his, wanting the contact to last longer, wanting it to last forever, if possible.

When I finally pulled away, Liam looked like a little kid who was just told that he could have the toy he'd been wanting for his whole life. He had a huge smile on his face, and his cheeks were flushed, eyes shining with what I could only describe as love.

I know that I've only known him for a short while, but is that wrong? To love him, I mean. I don't even know what love feels like, but I'd imagine it feels a lot like what I feel for Liam.

It really doesn't matter, though, because the moment that the Agency finds out that I have feelings again, they'll kill me. Because having someone like me around that knows everything you'd ever want to know about the inner workings of the US government just walking around the streets. They'd never let me make it out of the country alive.

"Damien?" Liam asked. "Are you okay?"

"Liam." I said. "I have something to tell you."

And I told him. Everything. I don't care if he didn't believe me, he needed to know what he was getting into.

At the end of my story, he was sitting in front of me, jaw slack, eyes open wide, trying to comprehend everything I just told him.

"So, let me get this straight- you were genetically modified to not have feelings, but you're only a prototype, and now that you've met me, I'm apparently the trigger that like, flicks the magic switch inside your brain and turns your feelings on?"

"Pretty much, yeah." I said. "But you left out the part that the fact that I have feelings basically makes me a target for every single intelligence agency in the US."

"Wow." he said. "I just kissed a spy." Then he started to giggle uncontrollably and I was legitimately worried for his sanity.

"Really?" I said. "That's all you can say?"

"Well, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to run screaming for the hills and never look back? Because I hate to break it to you, but I've grown rather attached to you. And I don't know if I'm going to be able to let you go now that I know you like me too."

"I'm not going to lie and say I haven't gotten attached to you, too, but seriously. Your lack of survival instinct frightens me. I mean, for all we know, there could be a SWAT team setting up a perimeter around this place as we speak."

"I have a feeling that if that was happening, you would know. I'm not scared, because I know you know what you're doing, and I trust you."

"Look," I said, a sudden idea popping into my head, "I know we barely know each other, but I know what the government does when it's looking for someone. I can figure out a way to avoid it. I guess what I"m trying to say is... run away with me?"

Liam looked at me, shocked. "Are you serious?"

"I know it's crazy, but I just want to be with you, and not have to worry about anyone else. I want to be normal, for once in my life."

"Of course I will, Damien." he said, smiling. "In case you haven't noticed, I don't have anything to leave behind. I'll go with you."

"Seriously?" I asked. "You're all kinds of amazing."

"I know. But so are you." He said.

And for once in my life, I actually felt alive. I felt whole, and complete, and I was ready to live out the rest of my life with Liam by my side.

I don't know what made him so special, but I thank whoever's up there that I found him.