Whatever It Takes

Arianna sat in her bedroom, sprawled across her cream comforter on her queen-sized bed. She had just finished doing her homework, and was waiting for her iChat to ring. She mindless glanced at her TV that was playing some random show, looking back at her clock to see the time: 10:40 pm.

It had been almost a month since she had left Chicago that fateful night. Almost a month since she had bravely kissed Patrick on the lips. She regretted it the next morning, as she boarded the plane, suddenly afraid that she had ruined everything. Although it felt so right in the moment, she started to question if she been too forward, perhaps even a little reckless.

Luckily for her, it seemed Patrick didn’t mind. She had texted him after her flight home like she had promised, and was surprised to find him behaving like normal. They continued to text for the rest of the night, chatting about nonsense. Yet the kiss was never mentioned. She took that as a sign that it was something to never be spoken about, a silent agreement they had.

She found herself surprised at how often they spoke, texting each other daily about random things or just simply to say hi. They had somehow grown closer, even though they were so far apart. She was the first person he texted after loosing a game. He was the first person she spoke to after a horrible day at school. She felt like he had become one of her best friends, even though she knew that she could never see him as just a friend. Especially not after that kiss.

Even with their busy schedules, they somehow made time for iChat dates. Arianna wasn’t sure if he felt the same, but she felt herself needing to hear his voice and see him more often than she wanted to admit. Texting wasn’t enough; she needed to feel like he was with her. One of their favorite iChat dates was a Thursday ritual they created: watching Jersey Shore together. Because she was an hour ahead, she would TiVo the episode at 10pm and wait until 11pm when he would be able to catch it in Chicago live on TV.

She heard her phone vibrate, as she reached over and grabbed it to check her messages. She sighed as she saw the name; sad to find it wasn’t the person she was hoping it would be.

Hey, I was just wondering if you’re busy tomorrow night? - Jordan

She closed the message and put her phone face down on the bed. Upon her return to Toronto, her closest guy friend Jordan had suddenly started to show an interest in her. She was oblivious to it at first, until Marissa clued her in at all the hints he was throwing her way. He had been hinting for a while that he was going to make a move, but she blew it off praying that Marissa was wrong.

After seeing his text though, she suddenly realized she shouldn’t have doubted Marissa so easily. It wasn’t that Arianna didn’t find him attractive or didn’t like him; he just wasn’t Patrick. She found herself torn between wanting something that wasn’t healthy for her and trying to move on.

Just as she went to message Marissa that she was right, she heard her computer ring. A smile instantly spread across her face, as she sat up and accepted the invitation. His face suddenly appeared on her screen, his bright blues full of excitement and life, even though she could tell he was tired.

“Missing me that much?” Patrick asked, as he smirked at her outfit. She glanced down at his Blackhawks sweatshirt that she had absent-mindedly put on before. “You wish” she replied, as she felt her smile grow bigger, “it’s freezing in my bedroom, I pulled on the first thing I grabbed. Don’t feel too special”. She wouldn’t admit it to him, but she loved wearing it even though she usually kept it packed away deep in her closet.

“Are you ok?” she asked him, as she started to notice the circles under his eyes more. He sighed and rubbed his face, “yeah, I’m just really stressed” he explained. “I feel like all of a sudden there’s all this pressure on the team, but me specifically. Like people are waiting to see what I do, see if I mess up. We’ve been practicing so hard lately, and loosing yesterday…” he finished as he looked down.

“Don’t let it get to you” Arianna said, her heart breaking as she saw him so upset. “You’re doing your best, and I promise you it’ll pay off. Ignore what everyone says, or what they think. You keep doing what you’re doing, do it because you love it. Do it for you, not for them. At the end of the day their opinions don’t matter; you do” she told him, as he looked back up at her.

“You believe in me that much?” he questioned, his eyes full of hope. “You know I do” she replied, sincerity filling her voice, “don’t ever doubt that. I’m your in-the-closet number one fan” she joked, causing him to crack a smile. She loved seeing him smile, especially if she was the cause of it. It pained her to see him so sad, she’d do anything to keep him happy, although she wouldn’t admit it to herself.

“God, I wish you were here,” he said suddenly, as he looked at her on screen. She lost her breath for a few seconds, caught off guard. He had never said anything like that to her before. Hearing those words though, sent chills down her back. She loved the way that sounded coming from his mouth.

“I know, everything’s better when im around” she joked, as she saw him smile, hesitating as if he wanted to say more. “Now let’s watch some jersey shore. It’s Jersday! And it’s the season 2 finale” she exclaimed, stopping him before he could say anymore. Anything he had to say would probably just make her fall for him more, something she was trying to avoid. He laughed at her excitement, as they positioned themselves for their Thursday night rituals.

As she lay back in bed, watching her TV with Patrick beside her on iChat, she couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with happiness. She doubted he knew how she felt, or felt the same way about her. Yet to her this was bliss; although it was unconventional and slightly unhealthy, she wouldn’t trade this for anything.