Whatever It Takes

Patrick drove away from the hotel, his head racing with thoughts as his heart beat faster. What had just happened? He tried to sort through the past few minutes in his head, yet none of it was making any sense.

She had just confessed her feelings for him, and he did nothing in return. He shook his head at his actions, wondering what possessed him to act like that. All along he had known he wasn’t cut out for a relationship; it wasn’t something he wanted right then. His reaction was just a natural instinct to how he felt, he reasoned with himself. So then why did he feel so sick?

She is just a friend, he told himself as he let the wind ripple through the open windows and onto his face. But then why did the thought of her make his knees grow weak, his heart race a little faster and his palms sweaty? That didn’t happen often, did it?

He suddenly realized he was heading in the wrong direction. He pulled his car into an illegal u-turn and turned it back around. He didn’t need to go home right now; he just needed to make things right. Before he drove himself completely crazy.

* * *

Arianna sat on her bed in her hotel room, letting the silence of the room fill her head. She felt numb with no emotions able to run through her. Had that really just happened? She shook her head, wondering why she was so surprised with his reaction. Maybe it was because a piece of her for a short amount of time actually believed he might have felt something back. Something real enough that he’d want to take a risk on.

Stupid me, she thought, as she lay her body back against the mattress. I actually thought he could fall for me…I ended up being the exact girl I tried so hard to avoid.

She rubbed her eyes in an attempt to remove some of the excess water that had built up there. Those tears that had threatened to pour out as she left his car had not been allowed to fall. She took deep breaths and held them in with every ounce of control she had. She would not shed tears over Patrick Kane.

* * *

Patrick pulled up to the familiar building, one he had seen not too long ago. He put his car into park and sat in the driver’s seat for a few minutes. What was he doing? What would he say? This wasn’t like him; he never did things like this.

Sighing, he opened the car door and got out, pulling his jacket closed as he felt the cold wind sweep by him. He walked through the main doors, keeping his head down as he walked by people. The last thing he wanted right now was to be recognized.

He made his way to the elevators, stepping in to the first one that opened before him and pushing the button. As it made it’s way up, he felt more defeated and nervous. Was this going to do him any good? He contemplated turning back and going home.

As the elevator doors opened, he made his way through the hallway until he found the door he was looking for. He sighed deeply, trying to regain his cool, while putting on a brave face. He lifted his hand and knocked on the door, waiting as he heard movements on the other side.

* * *

Arianna sat up and looked around the empty room. Marissa wasn’t back yet, probably still out with Jon and Sharpie she assumed. It was probably best that she wasn’t there anyways. Arianna and Marissa shared this deep connection, to the point where they could feel one another’s emotions.

They had been best friends for so long they had grown in tune with everything about the other. She knew that just one look would be enough for Marissa to feel the agony and pain Arianna felt in her veins.

She shivered, feeling a draft and the emptiness surround her. As she got up to get her sweater, she heard a knock on the door. She looked at it curiously, as she pulled her sweater on.

Suddenly, a crazy idea entered her head; what if it was Patrick? She felt her stomach flip, as she stood there momentarily frozen. Why the hell would he even come back, she asked herself, as she shook her head and went towards the door.

Yet even with all that doubt in her mind, a piece of her still clung to the thought of him there on the other side. Maybe getting over him wouldn’t be as easy as she thought. She placed her hand on the doorknob, freezing for a few seconds, before pulling it open.

* * *

Any cool demeanor or brave face Patrick had put on was instantly gone the minute the door opened.

“Kaner?” Jon asked, as he pulled his door open more and looked at his friend with a confused expression. “What’s wrong?” he asked suspiciously, as he saw the chaos of emotions written all over his friend’s face.

“I need to talk to someone” was all Patrick could utter, as he made his way past Jon and into his apartment.

* * *

“I’m so sorry, I forgot my key” Marissa said bubbly, as she stopped rummaging through her purse as Arianna opened the door. She looked up at her best friend, and suddenly froze. “What’s wrong? What happened?” she asked concerned as she took Arianna’s hands into her own.

All of a sudden, the entire defense system Arianna had put into staying strong and solid were gone. One look from Marissa, and she felt herself crumble. She felt the salty tears start to pour down her face quickly, spilling out from her eyes at record speed. Once they had begun, it was impossible to stop. She tried to get a word out, but nothing would come.

Marissa took her in her arms and hugged her tightly, letting her rest her head on her shoulder as she continued to cry. “Let’s get you inside” was all she said as she led Arianna in and closed the door behind them.

* * *

A half hour later and a weary Patrick had finished explaining the night’s events to Jon, who sat there in disbelief. They sat in silence for a few minutes, not sure what to say or do now. Jon took a sip of his beer and glanced at his friend, who still looked sick to his stomach.

“So what are you going to do?” Jon asked him, as he leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees as he sat on his leather couch. Patrick sighed and rubbed his neck, “Nothing I guess”.

Patrick shook his head; he actually wasn’t sure why he had come all this way to talk to Jon. He was one of his closest friends in Chicago, but he wasn’t use to letting Jon see him in such a vulnerable position.

“I don’t get you” Jon said as he sighed and looked at Patrick in frustration. “You clearly like her, its written all over your face. You’ve liked her since the day we met her, its obvious to everyone. Yet you don’t want to do anything about it. Even after she takes a chance and tells you how she feels. So explain to me why you’re not going after her”.

Patrick rested his head in his hands, letting his fingers run through his hair, messing it up slightly. “Because” he began, as he finally looked at Jon, “it’s easier this way”. He looked down at his hands, which were fumbling with each other nervously.

“She deserves better than me,” Patrick finally said as he looked back at Jon. Jon’s face relaxed from its stern expression, suddenly understanding. “I mean, let’s face it. I’m not exactly great boyfriend material. I don’t know the first thing about long-distance relationships, I’ve never had to consider anything or anyone but myself…I’ve never had to be committed to just one person”.

Jon nodded, soaking in what Patrick had just revealed to him. He understood his concerns; it was something that crossed his mind as well from time to time. “I get it, I really do” Jon said, “but if you want her as badly as it seems you do, you need to take a risk”.

Patrick shook his head, “that’s the thing though. Just because I want her doesn’t mean I should have her. She’s better off without me and all the fucking shit I’d bring to her life. She’ll be happier without me. Trust me; she’ll thank me one day for this”.

He tried to give Jon a small smile, but failed miserably as he turned and looked out the window. This was the first time Patrick was letting something he wanted slip through his fingers. He felt sick to his stomach, but he knew he was doing what was best. At least he hoped he was.

* * *

“Boys are jerks,” Marissa said as she played with Arianna’s hair. They lay down in bed side by side, with Arianna flat on her back and Marissa perched up onto one arm.

Arianna could do nothing but nod, as the last few of her tears slide down from her eyes. She had spent god knows how long telling Marissa what had happened through her tears and her sobs. One more reason why she loved her best friend; she understood her even when she could barley understand herself.

“I hate to say it…but I did warn you not to do it” Marissa said carefully as she looked down at her friend. “Ugh, I know” Arianna replied as she turned onto her side, her back facing Marissa. She felt empty after all the crying she had done; empty and dumb.

What in her right mind led her to believe that her actions would have been a good idea? She was never the girl to make a first move like that, she was always the one who waited for the boy. But something about Patrick made her do things she’d never imagine herself doing.

“It’s better in a way that I did it,” she said in a small voice, as her eyes fixed on a spot on the wall. “Why do you say that?” Marissa asked slowly, as she continued to play with her hair.

“Because now I know the truth,” Arianna responded, as the last tear fell from her eye. “Patrick would have never felt the way I wanted him to feel about me. So now I can move on”.