Whatever It Takes

Arianna stood with her back against the bar wall, her head pounding with every beat the music played. This night was not gone at all how she had planned. She starred at her friends before her; some dancing and drinking, other playing pool and drinking. It seemed like everyone was having a good time except her.

“So, what’s a pretty girl like you doing standing by yourself?” she heard a deep male voice say from beside her. She turned to look at the man beside her, a guy in his late 20’s with an arrogant smirk and dark shaggy hair.

“Trying to stay away from guys like you,” she responded with a fake smile as she turned to look back at her friends. “Oh, you’re a feisty one,” he continued as he rubbed his hand against her arm lightly, “I like them like that”.

“Seriously?” she asked him, as she turned back to look at him, “that’s the best you could come up with?”. Her nerves twitched as she starred at him; he had not picked a good day to be a jerk to her.

She was ready to yell at the guy when she felt a hand go around her waist from the other side of her. Quickly she turned around to see David beside her, his arm wrapped firmly around her waist in a familiar fashion. Beside him stood Ryan, arms crossed over his chest with a daring smile on his face.

“You ok?” David asked Arianna, his eyes never leaving the guy’s face in front of her. “Yup, he was just leaving anyways,” Arianna, said, as she gave the guy one final stare. The guy shook his head, putting his hands up in defeat and stumbling ever so slightly as he walked away.

“Always a magnet for trouble,” Ryan stated as he gave her a knowing look before laughing. “Shut up,” she giggled back but suddenly realizing that David still had his arm around her.

The warmth of his arm against her back made her feel at ease. She already missed Patrick so much, and the feel of his body around hers. She, for a moment, pretended it was his arm there instead.

“Too bad…I wanted to kick somebody’s ass,” Ryan said as he turned and walked away. David and Arianna stood there for a few minutes, neither one of them moving or speaking. Finally David slid his arm away from her waist and back to his side. It looked like he was about to say something when he was cut short by a male voice.

“Are you ok?” Jordan asked Arianna, as he suddenly materialized before them. She had barely noticed him appear in front of them, her mind having lost itself somewhere in thoughts of Patrick and David. Her eyes looked up at him, trying to read whatever thoughts were crossing his head.

“Yeah, I’m ok. Thanks,” she said softly, the tension in her suddenly dying a little assuming this was a peace offering of sorts. She then realized the tension between both guys who stood before her. She felt stupid as it suddenly dawned of her; of course this would be awkward. These were two friends who had dated the same girl. As much as she wanted to fix this patch between them, right now she needed to make sure her and Jordan were ok.

She reached out and lightly touched Jordan’s arm, her hand grazing his elbow. “Jordan, can I speak to you please?” she asked quietly, her eyes still fixed on his face. In a quick motion, he pulled his arm out of her reach and shook his head.

“There’s nothing left to say A…I just wanted to make sure you were ok,” he said as he gave her and David one final look. He turned and walked away, and from a distance she could see him heading straight out of the bar.

“You should go talk to him,” David said, causing Arianna to turn to look at him. Nothing more needed to be said between them; they always understood one another. Her hand reached out and gave his a light squeeze before she took off in the direction of the door.

As she pushed the door open, the cold night air hit her face like a tidal wave. She inhaled deeply, her eyes burning from the icy cold wind. As she scanned the parking lot, she finally spotted Jordan walking to his car in the distance.

“Jordan!” she cried out as she ran to catch up with him. He turned around quickly, his face showing his surprise to see her outside. “Please, wait. I need to talk to you,” she said as she stood before him. There was a decent size gap between them, but nothing could stop her from seeing the pain that flickered in his eyes.

“Honestly A, I don’t care if you need to talk to me. What I need is for you to leave me alone,” he spat at her. She shook her head slightly, unsure of how to deal with this angry side of him she had never seen before.

“Jordan, please. We need to talk. I don’t want you to hate me…” she said softly, the desperation in her voice evident. He sighed and shook his head, looking up at the sky temporarily before glancing back down to her.

“Is that what you think? That I hate you?” he asked her, his voice full of irritation and sadness. “I…I don’t know what to think. You won’t speak to me and you keep avoiding me,” she replied, her eyes begging with his to stay and speak to her.

“I do that because you don’t deserve to have me speak to you. You don’t deserve to have everything go your way,” he raised his voice. “Do you honestly think I believe that bullshit lie you told me? When you called me?” his voice kept rising, getting angry as the words came out of his mouth.

“You didn’t even have the decency to come over and talk to me like a grown up. Instead you hid behind your phone and gave me some excuse in hopes that I wouldn’t catch you lying” he said.

Her eyes were now filled with tears, but she wouldn’t let them fall. “Don’t be so surprised that I knew you were lying. Did you really think I would fall for the whole “I’m not sure we fit together” bullshit? I know how good we were together and I know how happy you were with me,” he continued as he suddenly stopped. His face was suddenly a blank canvas, no emotion passing through his features.

“Just tell me the truth,” he said simply, his voice now back to a regular tone. “I deserve that much don’t I?” he questioned her, as his eyes gazed into hers. She looked at him one last time before she opened her mouth to speak. It terrified her to say the truth to him; sure he’d hate her even more.

She knew she was wrong in lying, but she had just wanted to protect his feelings in some crazy way. She made a mistake in judgment she knew that. But she also knew he deserved the truth.

“Remember I told you that before me and you started I had a little something with someone back in Chicago?” she asked him. His head nodded in response, as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Well... I wasn’t as over him as I thought I was…I still really care about him, and I just couldn’t do us anymore knowing how I really felt”.

“I only lied because I didn’t want to hurt you. I know that’s a horrible excuse but…somewhere in my head at the time it made sense. And I called you because deep down I knew it was wrong…and if I faced you, I’d feel even worse. I’m a coward” she quickly followed up, once she saw his face pull back into a scowl.

“I should have known better,” he said finally, after a few moments of silence. “What do you mean?” she asked him, confused by his statement. “I should have known that you’d never feel for me what I wanted you to”. She shook her head vigorously, “no, don’t say that”.

“It’s the truth though A,” he continued, “I should have known that your good at giving people false hope. And you’re also good at breaking people’s hearts. You have this whole innocent vibe to you, and you’re a great friend, so people just assume you must be trustworthy. But in reality all you do is hurt the guys who care about you most”.

“What? How can you say that?” she asked him in disbelief, her heart breaking as the words came out of his mouth. “Don’t act so surprised. We all know how heartbroken you left David after you broke up with him”.

“What are you talking about? He was fine with my decision,” she challenged him, her voice catching as she felt it tighten. “You really believe that?” he laughed. “He was heartbroken. You broke him into so many pieces and you didn’t even care. This guy gave you 2 years of his life and you just left him without any warning. And the fact that you don’t even realize this…”

Jordan took a step toward her, his hands now in his pockets. “I don’t hate you A, I never could even if I tried. Because underneath it all, I do care about you. And I love you. But just give me some time… we won’t ever be able to go back to how we were. But I do want you back in my life at some point…just like how David has you now”.

Without another word he turned his back on her and walked the rest of the way to his car. She stood there motionless, the first tear finally sliding down her cheek. It burned her skin as the cold air whipped across the trail of water the tear left behind as it reached her jaw. She watched him get into his car, and drive off. She stood there for what felt like hours, yet was only minutes, before she got into her car.

She sat in the driver’s seat, hands on the wheel with the engine off. And just like that, the tears she had tried so hard to hold back came tumbling out like a waterfall. She could barley control the sobs that were caught up in her throat, when she heard the passenger side door open. As she turned expecting to see Marissa, she was thrown by surprised to see someone else; David.

He got in without a word and closed the door behind him. Silently, he reached over and pulled the keys out of her jacket pocket and put them in the ignition to turn on the car. He raised the heat, and then sat quietly besides her gazing out the windshield at the bar in front of them.

She managed to control her sobs, as she wiped away any excess water on her face. “So, how much did you hear?” she asked him, as she turned to stare at him. “Enough to know that you didn’t deserve that,” he replied, his face now turned to face hers.

“No, I did. I was pretty horrible to him,” she said, as she suddenly glanced down at her hands in her lap. “Did I really break your heart as much as he claimed I did?” she asked him quietly, glancing back up to look at him. David sighed in response and ran his fingers through his hair.

“As much as I want to look cool…I’d be lying if I said that I was ok after you left me” he answered truthfully. “Oh Dave, I’m so sorry,” she choked out, her voice now a whisper. “Anna, it happened a long time ago. Don’t worry about it,” he said sweetly, as he reached over and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Dave, you have to know how much I loved you. You were everything to me,” she told him, as a single tear rolled down her cheek. He reached over and brushed it away gently, his soft skin against hers. She glanced into his hazel eyes, remembering how beautiful she always thought they were.

“Then why did you leave me? I never understood that,” he said as his voice rang just as low as hers now. His hand rested on the back of her neck and she reached up to place her hand above his. Their eyes never broke their gaze, memories flooding back and forth between them.

“Because that was the problem. You were everything to me. And I was nothing to myself. We were together since I was 17, and by 20 I realized you were my identity. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. All I knew was that it had to have you there…and that scared me” she confessed to him, as she saw his eyes fill with clarity.

“If I could have kept us together forever, I would have done it in a heartbeat. Never doubt how much I loved you. Please,” she begged him. “Understand that I just needed to find myself”.
He leaned over and in one quick motion, placed a kiss against her forehead. He rested his head against hers for a brief second, before he pulled away and sat back in his seat.

“Jordan will get over it,” he said as he broke their intimate moment together. “I got over it all that time ago, so he will too…just give him some time” he laughed lightly, giving Arianna his heart stopping smile.

“I want you to know Anna, I don’t blame you or hate you for our break-up. If anything I respect you for doing what you did. All I ever wanted was to make sure you were happy,” he told her. “I know things are different now, and we’ve both moved on and we’re friends. But you should know that I never stopped loving you. I never will”.

She nodded in response, “I’ll always love you too Dave. You were a huge part of me, and always will be. No one can ever take away the time we had together. That’s ours,” she promised him as she reached over and squeezed his hand. He smiled up at her, as everything was silently understood between them. They would never end up back together, they both had moved on. But it was nice to know that through it all, they were still there for one another. That was real love.

“You ok to drive home?” he asked her, as he put his hand on the handle to open the door. “Yeah, I’ll be good,” she smiled at him, her eyes thanking him for his help. “See you around Anna,” he said as he opened the door and got out.

He suddenly leaned back down and gazed back at her. “Oh and Anna? That guy in Chicago, I hope he knows how lucky he is to have you,” he smiled at her. He closed the door and then walked back into the bar.

Arianna sighed as her hair from behind her ear fell in front of her face. Was he really lucky to have her? She felt like shit, even though David had made her feel better. But everything Jordan has said lingered in her head. She pulled out her phone in a hurry, knowing the one thing she needed to hear was Patrick’s voice. That would ease the tension she felt inside.

As much as she had loved David, there was something more with Patrick she couldn’t express. It was this cosmic pull to one another, this instant connection they had. No matter how hard she tried she could never walk away from him. She just fell deeper and deeper into him.

She placed the phone to her ear, waiting through the rings as she felt herself grow anxious waiting to hear him. She felt her heart jolt as she heard him pick up.

“Hello?” he asked, as she heard loud music behind him. “Patrick,” she said loudly, hoping he would hear her over the sounds. “Ari! Are you ok?” he asked, his voice going from happiness to concern. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she lied, “I just wanted to see how your night was going. And say goodnight, I’m on my way home”.

“Why are you going home so early baby?” he questioned, his voice still suspicious that something was wrong. “So tired, just need to go home and rest,” she lied again; she felt bad for lying but hearing his voice had calmed her down.

“Ok, well drive home safely” he said, “and Ari? You’d let me know if something was wrong right? You know you can tell me anything,” he reassured her again. She nodded even though he couldn’t see her, “I know Pat. Same goes for you. Goodnight and have fun sweetie”.

As she hung up, she put her car into reserve and drove away from the bar. She turned on the radio, chuckling as she heard Florence and the Machine’s “Cosmic Love” on.

-I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you-

She heard Florence’s voice sing, and her body relaxed. In this crazy mess that she called life, the only thing she knew for certain was how she felt about Patrick. It was exactly what Florence sang about, some kind of cosmic love.