Whatever It Takes

Where the fuck is my purple shirt? Arianna thought as she threw everything in her luggage, not even bothering to fold her clothes properly. She raced to her hotel after that blowout in the locker room with Patrick. She couldn’t even see clearly or think straight. All she could process was that she needed to get to the airport. NOW.

Forget the shirt, it wasn’t that important anyways. She grabbed things in a pile, shoving them in anywhere they could fit. She felt water on her lips; her eyes blurred with the stream of tears she hadn’t noticed had fallen. The sobs stuck in her throat, crying to come out but she wouldn’t let them. Her chest felt heavy and she breathed deeply trying to grasp for air to push away the pain.

She quickly zipped up the bag, her hands stopping every so often to push away the tears from her face. Her hands trembled on the bag as she clutched the material tightly. Her head slunk low, strands of her hair cascading down around her face as she shut her eyes tightly. Would this feeling ever go away?

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. The sound startled her as she jumped slightly, her head snapping to face the door. She was frozen for a moment, her feet firmly stuck to the ground as she imagined who was on the other side of the door. Her heart rising to her throat as she pictured a set of icy blue eyes that she knew so well.

“Arianna, open up”, she exhaled a deep breath she didn’t know she was holding as she heard a voice she wasn’t expecting. She walked tentatively to the door, her hand freezing momentarily on the doorknob before she turned and pulled it open.

“What do you want Sharpy?” she asked calmly as she leaned her head against the frame of the door. There in front of her stood Patrick Sharp, his hands in his pocket as he looked at her with concern. She could feel her eyes burning dry from the tear she was wiped away early. They must have been blood shot because he kept starring at her with a knowing look.

“I’m here to check up on you,” he explained gently as he shrugged his shoulders. “I hated to see you like that…like this…get your jacket. Me and you are going for a drink,” he told her sternly with a sweet smile.

“No…Sharpy, no…I’m really touched but no…I just want to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow morning and go home…” she looked down at her feet, her voice cracking as she said the word home. She glanced back up to see him starring at her, never flitching from his spot.

“Ari, don’t argue with me. Please, I promise, no more than an hour. You will be back in your room in one hour exactly,” he bargained with her as he gave her his prize-winning smile, “pretty please? For your best friend?”

She let out a small laugh as he batted his eyelashes ever so casually to her. He was being so nice and trying so hard…would one hour really kill her? She felt so torn; she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to be reminded of Patrick in any way possible, she needed to make a clean break. But Sharpy had always been her friend…

“Okay…” she began, before she could even finish her grabbed her hand and dragged her with him down the hallway towards the elevators.

***

They drove silently in the car, the Chicago skyscrapers passing them by in a blur of lights. Arianna had been in the car all of 2 minutes before regretting her decision to go for a drink. She opened her mouth to request he bring her back but he beat her to it.

“Ari…I’m really sorry about what happened with Pat. Abby and me feel partly responsible. We introduced them and if it wasn’t for our party…” Sharpy began as he looked straight ahead. He didn’t say much more but the look in his eyes said it all.

“Sharpy, it wasn’t your fault,” Arianna began, her voice wavering as she willed it to stay calm. “Everything that went wrong…its Patrick’s fault. Its better I know this now then later down the line when I would have been an even bigger idiot,” she confided as she felt her eyes water up.

“He’s a good kid Ari, he just does stupid things sometimes,” Sharpy tried to explain to her as he shrugged his shoulder. “Maybe you guys could talk and try to fix things…” he suggested.

“That’ll never happen,” she told him sternly as she turned and looked at him. “He’s dead to me Sharpy. I don’t ever want to see him or hear what he has to say ever again”.

The car suddenly stopped, as Arianna glanced around and realized Sharpy had pulled up and parked alongside the curb. She glanced at where they were and was suddenly hit with an awful realization. They were in front of Patrick’s apartment building.

“Sharp-” she began but he cut her off quickly when he saw how anger she had become.

“I’m sorry, I had to do this,” he explained as he unbuckled his seatbelt quickly and got out of the car, the sound of his door closing sounding like a thousand nails screeching in her ears.

“Sharpy! Get back here! Don’t you dare!” she screamed after him through her open window as she watched him sprint into the building. “Sharpy!” she screamed one last time even though it was hopeless.

Arianna’s jaw was permanently left open as she was suddenly realized Patrick Sharp had secretly ambushed her. How could she had not have seen this? He was always up to no good and having secret cards up his sleeve. Well if he thought she would cave he was seriously mistaken. She sat back in the seat and crossed her arms. He would cave soon enough when he realized she wouldn’t follow him in there. Over her dead body.

***

After 20 minutes of sitting in the car Arianna had become restless. How much longer could he keep this game up? But her legs were hurting so much…she sighed and opened the door. They just needed to stretch a little. She got out and closed the door behind her, shaking out of her leg that had fallen asleep. She sighed as she realized he wasn’t coming out unless she went and got him.

She glanced up at the tall building before her that she knew so well. So many images flooded her mind, so many memories that she held so dear. Guess this was how it ends, even though she would have never predicted it.

Regretfully she walked through the main entrance, the doorman smiling and waving as he recognized her. She gave him a small smile as she crossed her arms over her chest, the air suddenly feeling so cold. She pressed the button for the elevator and stepped inside. Her finger carelessly pressed the number that she knew he would be. As the elevator carried her towards the sky, her heart tightened and her breath shortened. The ding of the bell sent her stomach on a roller coaster ride.

She stepped out half-expecting to find him standing there, waiting to give her a lecture about second chances. But he wasn’t there. “Sharpy,” she hissed in the dark, “get your ass here now”.

She was confused for a split second until she saw the door to Patrick’s apartment slightly ajar. It felt like she was watching a scene from a movie, not even fully aware that her feet were moving towards the door. Without even giving it a second thought she pushed the door open and walked inside. The entire apartment was pitch black, not a single light open or person in sight. Something didn’t feel right.

She walked cautiously threw the apartment. Images screaming at her from every inch of the room. Moments replaying themselves so vividly to her. But somehow, it didn’t feel like home anymore. It felt foreign. Like those images were a lifetime ago; like they weren’t hers anymore. That mere thought broke her heart even more.

Suddenly, she saw dim light come from the balcony; the doors open wide inviting her to follow the light. Even though she knew she shouldn’t, Arianna followed the light as if that was the only choice. Her feet felt like weights as she tentatively walked closer. As she walked past the threshold of the open doors she was suddenly struck to her spot.

“Oh my god…”she whispered, her voice cracking as her hand instinctively reached up and covered her mouth.

The entire balcony had been covered in white candles, the entire place illuminated by the light of candles. Dozens of white roses in vases covering every possible inch of the space, each with a card addressed to her. Standing in the midst of the ocean of flowers and candles was Patrick, stuck firmly in spot. The entire thing was more than she could bear. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

“Patrick…”she began, not even sure what to say. She couldn’t bear to hear a word he had to say. This was all too much.

“Ari, please just listen to me, that’s the last thing I’ll ever ask of you,” he cut her off, he hands shaking as he pushed them into his pocket to stop from fidgeting. He gazed at her and for the first time, she couldn’t find one thing to say. He took her silence as his answer and took a step forward.

“For as long as I could remember I have always done things I have later come to regret. I always just thought that’s who I was. A guy who was destined to always ruin something good because he could. And when you met me, that’s exactly the guy I was. What you told me that night…everything about that was true about me,” he confessed as she shook his head and looked down at the floor.

“But everything about you made me want to be different. That was the first time that had ever happened to me. I knew with every bone in my body that I needed you. That I wanted to be worthy of you and for you to think differently of me. It wasn’t just a game to me; everything about us was real for me…I wish I could explain what happened between me and Amber but I don’t even think there’s anything that would make you understand,” he choked as his eyes started to fill up with tears. The city around them was silent, leaving the air quiet.

“Try,” she whispered so barley audible she wasn’t sure he would hear. But his head snapped up, his eyes shone with a slight sign of hope. She wasn’t even sure why she wanted to hear this anymore.

“It scared me…everything about you scared me. As much as I knew you were the best thing that ever happened to me, I never had anything like this…I lied to you when I said I had been in love before. I thought I had but then I met you and we got involved and…that’s when I figured out what love was. Because I’ve never felt this way with anyone else. You brought me to a whole other level…. and as great as it was it also terrified me. I got so scared that I just didn’t know what to do. I panicked. I knew somewhere down the line I’d ruin it and as a reflex I did something I will forever regret with ever bone in my body,” he confessed to her.

By now he was only a few steps away from her, his hands out of his pockets and intertwined with each other, nervously tugging at each other as he tried his best to explain. Tears were stained against his cheeks as his blue eyes begged with hers for forgiveness. Arianna reached up and wiped away the tears that were threatening to pour out from her eyes. It was crazy, but deep down inside she felt bad for him. She knew he wasn’t a bad guy and in some way she understood what he meant.

“I get it Pat…”she began but he took a step forward, his eyes begging her to wait.

“Please, let me finish,” he told her as he reached out and grabbed one of her hands cautiously. When he realized she wasn’t pulling her hand away he gripped it tighter, her fingers grazing his thumb. His grip was silently praying he’d never have to let go.

“I will never be able to say sorry enough. There is not enough I could do to ask for your forgiveness. But please…forgive me. You’re the only thing I want. The only thing I need. I will do whatever it takes to make us work. Because you are the only thing that matters. I love you. I love you. You’re beautiful and smart and funny and sarcastic and just perfect. And I know I”ll never deserve you but I promise you I will do everything in my power every day to make sure you know how much I appreciate you. Please give us one last shot… I need you,” he whispered.

They were now face to face, both of their hands intertwined within each other and not a single eye dry. Arianna looked into those blue eyes she had come to know so well, the specks of green and brown dancing around his iris. She studied everything about his face, every detail she had come to know by heart and loved so much. He was so sorry and she knew deep down how badly he felt about his actions.

“Pat, I’ve never doubted how much you loved me…and for some odd reason I know deep down how sorry you are about all of this. I want to hate you for it but I cant…its like im physically impossible of hating you,” she said gently.

She reached up with one hand and gently let her fingers trace his jaw. His eyelids closed softly as he felt the warm touch of her skin against his, her caress an ever-welcomed gift. She leaned forward and rested her forehead against his for a second, their noses grazing each other. Before she could even think, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. Their mouths gravitating towards each other like magnets, the passion flowing so effortless between them. Patrick hand made it’s way to her face, as he gently grabbed the back of her neck.

They pulled apart, a slight smile evident on Patrick’s face. His eyes found hers, ready to celebrate their newfound relationship, until he realized she wasn’t smiling. She bit her bottom lip, almost to keep from crying more. His heart suddenly stopped beating, his eyes glancing nervously into hers.

“I’m sorry Pat. As much as I believe you’re sorry and that you love me…I can’t do this anymore. This…me and you…we’re done. I told you from day one how important trust was to me…and you broke it. You completely broke my heart and my trust…. and you can never get that back,” she cried, her eyes pouring out tears like a waterfall.

“I want to forgive you and move on and be like how we were before...but that’s a fairytale. We aren’t meant to be together. If all the signs weren’t there before…they are now. There was one thing I always told you I wouldn’t tolerate. And that was a relationship without trust…and now, I don’t trust you. Do you see what you’ve done? Do you see why I need to do this?” she pulled her hands away from his. Her fingers trembling as they reached up and undid the clasp to the necklace he had given her for her birthday.

Patrick sobbed as he watched her remove it, begging her to stop but she ignored him. She could barley see straight from all the tears in her eyes.

“Ari…please…no” he said as she grabbed his hand and put the necklace inside his palm.

“I can’t keep this…I’m sorry. Im so sorry Pat…”she said through her tears. She forced his hand shut to hold the necklace. She glanced up at him once last time. Her hand instinctively going to wipe a tear from his face. Her heart broke even more as she saw the devastation hit him.

She wasn’t sure how she was ever going to be able to leave but somehow her feet pulled her forward. Without even giving him a second glance she made her way toward the patio door, her feet on a mission to get out as quickly as possible. She didn’t see him collapse to his knees, or hear his sobs growing heavier and louder.

Arianna somehow made it to the ground floor, and without even thinking began to run. She just ran out of the building and toward her hotel. She wasn’t even sure she was going the right way. She just knew she needed to leave. Whatever it takes, she thought as she rushed by a crowd of people, I will forget Patrick Kane.