Problems

Gone
Lexi
There is so much wrong with me. I mean, seriously. My hallucinations, for one thing. Major depression, social anxiety, and one of my doctors diagnosed me as a nymphomaniac, but most of the others didn’t agree. You want more? I’ve been in love with my step-brother since I met him. He took my virginity when we were 14, told me he loved me, and he still says he does. But we both know it’s impossible for us. We knew before our parents were even married that they were going to be together forever.
There’s nothing wrong with anyone else in that part of my family. My mother has depression and anxiety, too, as did her father, who also had schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. So I was pretty much fucked when it came to mental genetics. Then again, I am the only one that got fucked up. I got everything, and my siblings got nothing.

That leads me to why I’m in Germany. My parents couldn’t deal with me anymore, so they shipped me off to a boarding school here. Simple, right? Wrong. I’ve fucking hated my father since I was eleven years old, when he made me move from Australia to the US. He made me, my mother, and my siblings leave behind our friends and our entire family.
The fights didn’t begin until somewhere around my sixteenth birthday. We would argue about everything from what I was wearing (which always followed school dress code) to what my sister was doing. Yeah, what my sister was doing, not what I was doing. He always asked me what she was doing, and when I said that I didn’t know he would ask why. I would give him a sassy answer like “Because she’s dead. Duh” or “Take a guess.” He didn’t like that.
He convinced my mother to ship me over here by talking to her about my mental issues. He said I didn’t have friends, that there were some doctors there that could help me, that there was nothing for me here after all the fighting.
That was so not true. I loved it at my mother’s house. I almost never had any hallucinations there. Everything was wonderful and dull. Kids running around, baby cousin giggling, aunt making just about every kind of food under the sun.... It was great. My father, on the other hand, assumed that I picked fights when I was there, too. I didn’t, but he wouldn’t believe a word I said. He never believed me.
We don’t talk anymore. I’m perfectly fine with that.

Germany isn’t all bad. There are some cute guys here. A couple hot girls, too, except they’re all stuck up and in everybody’s business. My first couple days they wouldn't stop bothering me, calling me that stupid girl from the United States under their breath, thinking I had no idea what they were saying. Well, until i snapped at them and started going off at them in German. I’d taken around four or five years of it in Australia as a requirement, and then taught myself when we moved. They didn’t know that, and were extremely surprised.
One of them came up to me later and said (in German), “Maybe you aren’t as stupid as we’ve all thought. You’re so quiet that we just assumed you only spoke English.”
I rolled my eyes and, in German, replied, “I’m not even American. You’re right about their stereotype, but don’t force it on me.” Then I walked away.
I have four classes with that girl, and she won’t stop trying to get information out of me,both about America and where I’m from, because I never told her.

x x

It was the insistent beeping of my alarm clock that woke me up. Well, that was what woke me up every day.
I slammed a fist down on top of it, silencing the beast, and rolled over in bed. I was not a morning person, especially not at 5:30 in the bloody morning.
It’s times like these that need to fucking die. I thought to myself, imagining digging a grave to the center of the Earth and putting all the ungodly hours of the morning in it. I smiled at the thought.
Then my alarm started beeping again.
I rolled over and looked at the time. 5:32AM.
“Fuck my life,” I groaned, finally giving in and turning the alarm off instead of hitting Snooze, forcing myself out of bed.
There’s nothing you can do to get yourself to sleep in. Classes start at seven, and of course you have to look good for them. the thing in the back of my head decided to chime in, all cheery and everything.
“Shut the fuck up...” I moaned, slamming the heel of my hand into my forehead. That usually shut them up.
Not this time, I’m afraid. I’m sticking around to see what happens today. Something big.....
The voices trailed off, leaving me wondering what might happen today. I sighed. Since when did I ever listen to them, anyway?
Shaking my head as if that would get them to go away, I continued with my morning routine. While I waited for my straightener to heat up, I did my eyeshadow and liner. Once it had, I straightened my long black hair that had a streak of blonde in it, just because I’d felt like it at the time. When that was done, I put on my school uniform---grey and red plaid skirt and a white dress shirt with a dark red tie. I loosened the tie as much as I could get away with because, frankly, the thing annoyed the shit out of me. The only thing that I could stand having around my neck was my half of a pair of Yin and Yang necklaces. I had the white half, as was customary for the girls. Of course, I had to tuck this into my shirt because it was against school dress code to wear any form of jewelry other than stud earrings and a watch. Then again, I don’t think they ever noticed.my size 6 gauges...
Ready for school, I pulled on my black anklet socks and put on my ugly black shoes that were the only things I had that were acceptable at this damn school.
I checked my small analog watch. 6:45AM. Time to head out.