Pull

As the picnic basket burned, Tig stared at me. I ignored him and watched the fire, feeling a calm come over me. I had successfully killed a man. I shouldn't be proud, but I couldn't help but feel elated. I ended the man who offed my brother. The guy that could have just as well killed any of the other men I cared about. Or Gemma. I would have done the same for any of them. As the body turned to ashes, I felt relief. I could feel the ice blue eyes burning in the back of my skull just as much as I could feel the heat from the burning furnace.

"What, Tig?" I snapped, whirling to face him.

"You ready to go?" he asked, ignoring my irritation.

"Yeah sure. This freak understand to keep his mouth shut?" I asked, nodding toward the crematorium dude.

"He knows the drill, now be nice," Tig responded.

"He's been staring at my assets the entire time we've been here, I don't appreciate it," I stated, annoyed.

"He burns dead bodies for a living, he's sexually deprived, leave him alone," Tig said, scolding me, and grabbing my shoulder to drag me out before I made another offensive comment.

We got back on his bike, and he warned me that if I didn't hold on this time, he was going to teach me a lesson and make sure I fell off the back. I scowled at him as he revved the engine and took off. He took a road that was not the way to the clubhouse, but I ignored it, figuring he had club business to attend to, and I should keep my nose out of it. I was enjoying the ride to much to care anyway. Even if it was with the most messed up member of the club, I still felt safe on the back of his bike. He really knew how to handle it. He pulled up next to a graveyard and shut off the bike. He removed his helmet, and quietly extended his hand to me. I skeptically took it and he lead me down the rows of stones, till we reached a simple squared off grave.

Darrin "Ace" Benjamin McEvans
1972 - 2010
Loving brother, amazing friend.
SAMCRO

"You took off before the funeral, figured while we were out this way, you'd want to say goodbye," Tig said.

I wasn't sure I was ready for this. The gravestone made everything too real. It was one thing to know he was gone, and to have to accept it, but to see the stone. It was finalization. He was never coming back. He was never going to come home. He would never take me for rides on his bike, or tell me crazy stories about the guys. He would never scold me for coming to clubhouse parties, or make me drive him home when he had a little too much to drink. It was over. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

"He was a cool dude, Shi. He loved you more than anything. Gem tried taking custody of you when your parents died, but he couldn't bear signing you over. He said Gem could help raise you, but he wanted to be the one in charge. You were his only blood. You've done him proud, doll, believe me," Tig said, placing his ring clad hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me.

"I...I just don't know how to deal with this, Tig. Seeing this makes it real. Before, I could pretend. Drink myself into a stupor and pretend he was still here, he was just out with some girl, or on a run. I've spent the last year stalking the dude that killed him, yet pretending I was going to come home and everything would be normal. I'm losing my mind," I said, choking back tears.

"He and I were in prison together, you know?" Tig started. I stared at him

"I don't like where this is going," I muttered suspiciously.

"Shut up and listen, will ya. We didn't get along so well before hand, but that man had my back more times than I can count. We talked a lot. He looked foreward to your letters, was the only thing that kept him going in the joint. He woulda done anything for you, girly. He told me himself. I can't be your brother, and I know you don't particularly care all that much for me, but I've got your back anyway. If you need anything, let me know," he said.

Who knew Tig had a heart under that sociopathic mask. I was a little taken aback by him sharing this, but I guess I wasn't the only one who was having a hard time letting go. I guess Tig and I weren't so different after all. I wasn't sure I could do friendship, I was used to staying out of his way, but he seemed to be a pretty alright guy, and if Ace considered him a brother, all wierdo stuff and cold killer aside, maybe I could handle getting to know Tig.

"I'll uh... leave you alone for a bit, so you can ... you know... say goodbye and shit," he said, before walking off toward his bike.

I knelt down and ran my fingers across the name, thinking to myself that I got the revenge. I did what I set out to do, what now? Ace was dead.

"What do I do?" I asked, not caring I would get no answer. "I'm lost, brother. I have nothing now. I'm not in SAMCRO. Just because you were doesn't mean I can just leech off of them. I don't know where to go from here. I did what I needed. I got the revenge for you. I just.... I miss you,"

Finally, tears began to pour out. There was no holding back, and as much as I hated crying, I couldn't help it. I just let it go. I turned and sat with my back leaning on the grave, pulling my knees to my chest and gazing across the tops of all of the gravestones. It was sad to think of all the dead, and the family members still lingering and dealing with it. It was also oddly comforting to know I wasn't the only one dealing with these things. I pushed my black hair out of my eyes, and wiped my tears. Standing up, I put my aviators on and walked toward Tig. the last thing I needed was for him to think I was crying

__________________________________________________________

We got back to the clubhouse in time for all the men to demand that Chinese be ordered for dinner. I was still brooding, so I just asked where I'd be staying while I was here. Clay led me to a spare room in the clubhouse. He just silently looked at me, nodded, and clapped me on the shoulder.

"I'm proud of you, kid," he said, then turned to head back downstairs. That was enough for me.

I opened the door to the spare room to find that Gemma had already gone overboard on making it female friendly. There were brand new dark purple and turquoise bedsheets and pillows, bathroom things fit for a lady, and a couple of bags set on the bed. I walked over to them shaking my head. Clothes. All perfect size. 'How does she know,' I wondered to myself, emptying the several bags, admiring, then placing neatly in the dresser that had been put here. I glanced at the clock reading that it said 6:00 p.m. Not too late, I noted, considering it didn't get dark till around 9:30. I flopped down on the bed, noticing the extreme comfort of the mattress. I had been up for 14 hours, so I wasn't surprised when I immediately fell asleep.

_________________________________________________________________

I woke back up around 10p.m. and made my way downstairs. Jax and Tig were shooting pool, having a discussion about something or other. Juice was at the bar on his computer, and Half-Sack was wiping down tables and chairs. He glanced at me and had a sheepish look on his face. I must've scarred the poor chap. Ah well.

"Hey darlin', how're you doin'?" Jax glanced up at me from the shot he was making.

"I'm good now that I got a bit of sleep. It's been a rough... year I guess. I haven't had a nap in a long time," I said.

"You're welcome to stay as long as you want. You're not tied down here now that Ace is gone, but we would like it if you stayed a while," he said.

"Pay attention to the game, or I might cheat," Tig warned.

"Shut up, asshole," Jax quipped.

"I'll be here a while, Jax. I need a little recuperating time. Time to figure out where to go next," I said.

"Could always stay here. Have nice relaxing life, surrounded by a bunch of MC men," Jax joked.

"Yeah, sounds real stress free," I laughed. "It's a comfort though. It's what I'm used to. As long as there's a place for me here, I guess I'll stick around. Gemma already threatened me if I thought about leaving, so I guess I'm stuck,"

"Yeah, she'll hunt you down," Jax chuckled. "She was furious when you disappeared, and we were all worried,"

"Except for Tig, who was probably more worried about how to get the various croweaters in his bed," I said, smirking.

"Leave me out of it, doll. Plus, my sweetbutt days are over, now that I have you back to chase after," he said, sinking a ball.

"Oh yeah right, Tiggy. You'll never stop chasing snatch," I retorted.

"Such graphic words for such a pretty lady," he said, looking offended.

"Right, cause you haven't heard worse," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I haven't. I'm too innocent to hear such language," he responded.

At this, I couldn't help but laugh hysterically. "Oh my god. You're not serious, are you? Because I'm pretty sure there is nothing about you that is innocent,"

"Whatever, doll. Believe what you will," he said, smiling. "Oh, there's some food in there if you're hungry,"

"Got any Jack?" I asked.

He smiled, and set his pool stick down, "Do we have Jack?" he walked over to the bar and motioned to Half-Sack, "Get the lady some jack," he demanded. Half-Sack handed the bottle to Tig, who in turn handed it to me. "Need some coke?"

I just shook my head, cracked the bottle and took a huge swig. I wasn't usually one for drinking liquor straight, but in my defense, I had a rough day.

"That's my kind of lady," Tig smirked.

"I will never be your lady, Tig. Keep that in mind," I responded, taking another long drink of the burning amber liquid. Jack had been Ace's drink of choice.

"You will, in time," he said jokingly, "When you realize how much of an amazing man I am,"

"Amazing at what, picking up chicks? Cause you're failing miserably here," I quipped. "I'm definitely not wowed at your tactics,"

He scowled, taking another shot, and sinking another ball. "You're such a bitch," he muttered.

"No, I'm just honest. You might be good with the Croweaters, Tiggy, but You wouldn't know what to do with a real lady if she landed right in front of you," I said.

"You don't think so?" he said, walking up to me, and cornering me between himself and the bar.

"No, I don't. And that wasn't a challenge, considering i'm still off limits, so back off before you're sporting a pretty little black eye," I responded, pushing his chest. He didn't budge.

"That threat don't scare me, dollface. Clay said you're off limits unless we want an old lady, and it just so happens I'm in the market for one," he said, getting very close to my face.

"Tig, no," Jax said, grabbing his shoulder with an angry glare on his face, "Back off, man. You know the rules,"

"Yeah, I know them," Tig said, backing up, but not taking his eyes off me.

I just numbly took another swig of Jack. Tig was just yanking my chain. Trying to get under my skin. Even if I wasn't off limits, Tig couldn't possibly be interested in me. I'm not what he's used to. Wait. Why am I concerned with what that sexual deviant is interested in? I glanced at the bottle and decided it was the alcohol talking. Plus, he was much older than me. I couldn't possibly be interested in someone who was almost twice my age. Who went to prison with my brother. Slept with a dead broad. Killed ruthlessly. I couldn't possibly have a thing for him. Jack does wierd things to people. This wasn't me thinking. Was it?