Live the Dream

It's been about a year since he left me alone in this earth and my mind's been racing ever since. I never figured or tried to figure out what my life would become and how I would move on after that devastating day where I lost everything I had.

My parents told me that his death was probably a sign from the heavens telling me that I should get a grip on life and become successful by going to college and becoming exactly what they imagined me to be. I did take their advice and continued my studies but I wasn't taking up law or medicine or even business. I was taking up creative writing and visual arts because I didn't want to study any longer. Also, I wasn't the type of girl who wanted to extend her studies for a really long time to become 'successful'. If I wanted to do something with my life, I was going to have to do it my way and my parents -- fortunately -- respect that.

As a kid, I've always been their so-called princess. I was the kind of girl who lived in a mansion, went to a preppy school and dealt with the bitches without becoming one myself. I never imagined life out of the walls my parents built around me. But then I grew up and started to reprimand things from them because I knew I could. I've had the usual episodes where I rebel against their wishes but they never really did anything about it until they told me they'd disown me if I didn't go to college. That got me terrified and scared. If they did disown me, I would probably live in the streets where I would beg for money and look for food in garbage cans along the sidewalk. Well maybe that's a little overboard but basically, that's what I thought life would be for me without my parents.

But once I got into college, I realized that there was more to life than having to be successful. There was a whole exciting adventure waiting for me to ride on and see where it would lead. This eventually led me to Adam.

Adam was this great guy who served as my tour guide in the world I thought was just a fantasy. He showed how he survived without all the wealth that my family had. He wasn't the kind of guy who used me just because I was rich. He loved me for who I was and told me that we'd be together forever. But of course, there were complications. Number one being: my parents. They didn't understand our relationship and they didn't like Adam. He thought that he was just some leech who was infatuated with me because apparently my wealth was blinding him. They told me never to see him again but who listens to their parents? Definitely not me.

Adam introduced me to the world of music. He brought me to concerts and taught me how to play the drums. He was a really great drummer and I think he was just as great as Travis Barker but he always told me that he was a thousand miles away from where Travis stood in his pedestal in the Hall of Fame for drummers. He'd always been modest and that was only one of the many things that I loved about him.

When he told me that he and his friends were creating a band called ‘Dressed in Lies’ I was really happy for him. I was glad that he got to pursue his dreams and live life as if nothing in the world could hinder him from anything. We were so happy together but then it all came to an end as he crashed his car into an 8-wheeler in the middle of the night a year ago.

I was beyond devastated when I knew about what happened. I mean I would’ve been less guilty if we hadn’t gotten into a fight. And to top it all off, it was the stupidest fights I’ve ever had with anyone. The only reason why we got into that argument was because their band was playing their first gig that night and I couldn’t go because I had this big test the next day and I had to study for it. We got into this long conversation about how my studies could be more important than watching him play his heart out on stage for the whole town to see. So that night right after the gig, he got drunk and drove his car towards my house but before he could turn to my street, he ran a red light and crashed into a truck. That was the end of him and the end of my life. I never wanted to feel okay again after that and I’ve been sulking ever since then.

The only thing that kept me going was my guitar, the words we wrote together before the accident and the happy memories I had when I was with him. Nothing else made me want to get up and live life like I used to.

When my alarm went off the next day, I did my usual morning routine and grabbed something to eat before heading to class. An apple was the only thing I could take to go so that’s all I took from the fruit basket on the island counter. I grabbed my bag filled with all the things I needed for class and made my way out of my dorm building. I chose not to live with my parents anymore since I couldn’t take the frequent nagging and complaints they had against me. Sometimes they couldn’t see how much it hurt me and I didn’t want to have to deal with any of it so I went away – far away so that I wouldn’t have to put up with their shit.

Just as I was walking on the sidewalk towards the Arts building, someone bumped me from behind. I fell to the ground and my apple rolled away. Luckily, I was able to grab a few bites.

“Watch where you’re going, will you?” I said crankily as I dusted the back of my pants and got off the ground.

“Oh, I’m really sorry,” a familiar voice said. “I’m such a klutz and I’m in a hurry.”

I looked up to see that it was Autumn, one of Adam’s bandmates.

My heart slowly dropped at the site of her. Her eyes were really red and her hair was a mess. She grabbed my bag from the floor and handed it to me. She was about to turn away and go her way when I held her by the wrist and stopped her.

“Hey, are you okay?” I asked showing my concern.

“Oh yeah,” she said with so much sarcasm pouring from her tone. “I’m great – just fucking great.”

She ran before I could say anything else. I wanted to help her but I didn’t know how. Suddenly, I feel like I’m the cause of everyone’s pain. I should just really escape from this place and go away. Or maybe, I should just move on and see where life takes me to.