Another Memory

Gerard’s P.O.V.: (5 years prior)

My shoes made that all too familiar slapping noise as they hit the floor with each step I took, having been caught in the rain once again in the same week. No one seemed to notice as I trudged my soggy self to the back of the classroom and took my seat beside Bella, who instantaneously turned her nose up at my appearance once again. She was always looking her best, you see. I didn’t mind. It seemed that being utterly gorgeous gave you the right to judge others as you saw fit, and I didn’t want to judge. I could judge in my own way, even if that did mean I idolised the most horrid girl in school. She had a new boyfriend every week yet she’d still not asked me out, despite the poetry I wrote her. I knew she’d read it because the slightest of smiles formed on her face as she stared at her math book where I’d laid it out for her to find, and no one smiled at math alone.

“Ever heard of an umbrella, Way?” I ignored her comment, choosing instead to focus on the fact that she’d actually spoken to me.

It’d been a pretty lucky day for me, actually. I’d not been bashed in the morning before class, and I’d managed to hold onto my money for long enough to buy my lunch. Of course, it got tipped over my head in the cafeteria, but I was just proud I’d made it that far.
I wasn’t really thinking all too straight as I near-skipped home after 6th period, a weak smile adorning my chubby face. I was genuinely happy. It’d been a good day thus far. Someone had once said that all good things must come to an end, however, and I probably should have recalled that before it’d been too late. From the corner of my eye I’d spotted those few guys that tended to pick on me to no end, but they were all the way across the other side of the street. I let it slip my mind.

Rounding the second to last bend to my street and I felt something cold wrap around my wrist, and then around the other. Snapping out of my trance I realised it was hands and that their grip on me was beginning to become an uncomfortable one.

“What are you doing?” I asked softly, though didn’t expect an actual reply.

“Shut up kid!” These boys were several years above me in school, being seniors this year. Why they had business picking on a sophomore was beyond me. I was helpless in their grasp as they dragged me off the road and through the bushes to a clearing.

“Let go of me,” I said softly, the fight having left me a long time ago. I received a blow to the side of the face and fell, my hands freezing as I caught myself in the snow.

“Hey Sean, I have a better idea…” They forced me back up and shoved me forward, moving my head to face what they wished me to look at. They pointed down towards the ground, sniggering to one another the whole time. “If you can make it across then we’ll stop picking on you,” Nathan said.
I looked down to where they’d pointed, down at the lake that had frozen over. It was common knowledge that it wasn’t safe to walk on top of the ice when it wasn’t hard enough. No matter how tempting their offer seemed, I wouldn’t risk my life for a little peace of mind each day.

“That’s dangerous,” I pointed out. “I’m not walking across that.”

“Ohh?” I was pushed forward rather violently by the bigger guy of the group, Nathan, landing on the cold snow beneath me. “I think you’ll change your mind.” I prepared to roll myself into a ball as I predicted a few blows to the chest coming my way, but nothing came. Peeking back up at the 2 boys before me, and I knew by the looks on their faces that they weren’t done. I was their favourite toy. Attempting to get back on my feet proved to be a stupid thing to do as the instant I did, I was thrown backwards with such a force. I felt as I hit a hard surface and slid a little, freezing in the position I stopped in. I was on the surface of the lake, and I knew it was pretty deep below.

“Drown!” They hi-fived one another as excitement filled their faces at the look on mine.

“You’ll never make it back here!” I gulped as I focused on just breathing for now, ignoring their taunting from ahead of me. I had to get off the ice, and I had to do it carefully. Without moving all too fast, I took off my backpack and threw it towards the edge of the ice. I could do this, I thought, beginning to get up with all the care I could manage. A distinct cracking noise made the 3 of us freeze, the taunting having stopped from the side of the river in the quick instant it’d been heard for. Worry struck the faces of the boys ahead of me, and I could see them whispering to one another.

“Look, we didn’t mean for it to get this far man,” Nathan said, taking a step towards me. “We didn’t know it was still so thin. We just wanted to scare you a little, you know?” A part of me wanted to scream at him for being so stupid, but the rest was too focused on any more sounds coming from beneath where my feet stood. Then, just like that, I was plunged into the freezing water. My eyes burnt as I tried to see where I was, but everything was black beneath the cover of the heavy snow above me. My feet were kicking as fast as they’d go in such cold water as I tried to reach the surface once more, but the surface I reached was cold and hard. I felt around a little more for where I’d fallen in to no avail, the air in my lungs slowly diminishing with each second I was under. I had to breathe, and so I did, the cold water filling my lungs the instant I had and I regretted not holding on just a little bit longer. Things got a lot darker and my limbs became numb as I tried to remember where I even was, and why I was there, but all memories of anything soon slipped from my grasp and I slept.

I woke up faced with a bunch of sappy ‘get well’ cards and pink flowers in my face, not really all that sure on why I was in a hospital. There was no one in the room when I woke, and so no one to give me that peace of mind I still hadn’t received. What had happened, I thought, searching my body for any harm that might have become of me. All I could find was a small bump on my head and the place on my hand where someone had stuck something in my skin. I cringed and gagged, never having been too good with injections of any sort. I thought maybe I could take it out, but I didn’t feel much like touching it. I distracted myself by reading the cards beside me.

It turned out that the schoolyard bullies had run away when the situation got out of hand, save for Sean, the smaller of the two. From what I’d heard he’d helped pull me from the pond when it’d been almost too late, and a part of me resented him for that. As I read through all the cards I realised that not one was from a friend. Not one was from a lover. I was alone in this world, save for my family who’d thought I’d slipped and fallen in the duck pond all by myself, and so in a sense that was probably worse. I longed to tell them what had really happened, but I knew it’d not make much of a difference in the end. They’d send me to another school with all new bullies, and I’d be beat on day after day…it really was pointless. I sucked it up and when they came by to check on me later on I told them that yes, I did slip and fall into the duck pond. I was that stupid to walk so close to the edge and Sean had surely saved my life.

I’d hate myself for years for that lie. That one tiny lie had slipped from my chapped lips and all of a sudden, things were easier to lie about.

No mum, I wasn’t drinking on the weekend.

Why would I intentionally hurt myself? I snagged my arm on a bush.

I accidentally took an extra pill today, no biggie.

They’d piled up with each thing I had to hide until eventually, they’d spilled through the cracks of my memory and come out in nasty ways. Now, everyone knew who Gerard Way was. He was the alcoholic who couldn’t get laid because he’d been too busy chasing the wrong types of girls. He was the pill popper, one pill away from permanent unconsciousness. He was the loner who still lived in his mother’s basement, drawing things that’d never see the light of day.

Gerard Way? There was no hope for him.