Another Memory
Seventeen
Gerard’s P.O.V.:
It’d been a slow week, and so the weekend was looking even more desirable than usual. I’d almost failed my written assignment for college and as I walked home feeling utterly defeated, I realised I was out of smokes.
“Fuckin’ great,” I murmured to myself, kicking a stone up the path. I’d get some later, I told myself. It’d be no big drama.
Mikey had his gang over and just the thought of sitting anywhere near Alison was driving me insane. I couldn’t go out there. I had a hunch that my feelings towards her were becoming more and more obvious each time we greeted one another, and it couldn’t be that way. She was her innocent little self, and there I was getting my jacket and checking I had my keys on me for when I came back at 4 in the morning and would forget where they were on my person, anyway.
It’d been a good night to go out. The stars were visible up in the cloudless sky and although that made the night a little cooler, it was well worth it. The bottle of booze – I forget exactly what I bought – was still firmly in my hands as I lay on the grass, and those little white specks were getting further away. I imagined Alison being by my side, and I imagined grabbing for her hand with such necessity in the dark instead of the bottle I’d just dropped. I took another swig and coughed, sitting up just slightly to light a cigarette. It took me a while to get it lit. As I sat and my lungs filled with the poison I was depending on to kill me, I thought about what I was doing with my life. I wasn’t making anyone happy. I wasn’t making a difference in anyone’s life. I only made things worse. I felt as tears trickled down my cheeks and I wiped them away with fury, determined to stay strong tonight. The bottle left my hands and flew through the air towards the nearest tree where it smashed and lay in pieces, and I regretted throwing it immediately. Already, I needed another drink.
Sat in the corner of the bar and still, she wouldn’t leave my thoughts. I looked all the women in the joint over. Some weren’t actually so bad. There was a girl with long brown hair in a simple black dress I’d usually go for, but even she was no Alison. She turned and a brilliant smirk lit up her face before I saw her walking towards me in a pair of rather sexy heels, but I turned my head away.
“Hey honey, what’s up?” she asked, taking a seat across from me at the table.
“I was actually just leaving,” I said, but her delicate touch stopped me from leaving my seat.
“Ohh nonsense, love. The night is young!” She kissed me then, but there was nothing there. I felt as her hand moved to my chest and though I wasn’t pushing her away, I wasn’t really in the mood, either. She pulled away after some time with flushed cheeks and went to get a drink, and I found myself following her to the bar. This went on all night until one of us could hardly stand any longer.
“Gerard honey, listen…listen here okay?” she slurred, placing her hand on my chest to keep her balance. “I like you, okay? Yeah, yeah you’re okay. You coming with me to my place?” I wasn’t in much better of a state, but I knew it’d not be a good idea. I wasn’t given the offer very often, and that thought played in my mind for a while. What’s wrong with a little fun every now and then, I thought, taking her hand and leading her outside to catch a cab.
Her hands were all over me in the backseat, and I found my own all over her in return. Open-mouthed kisses and fingernail scratches were all the hype that night. The cab pulled up to the side of the street in front of a small house and the girl began to get out, dragging me with her. I took another look at her before deciding that no, she was definitely no Alison.
“I’m sorry love, but I’m rather tired. Have a good night.” I closed the door in her drunken face and told the driver to take me home.
I was almost happy with my decision until I was at the front door at 3AM, trying once more to get the damn key in the lock. I heard the sound of success as I eventually got it in and turned the key, remembering to lock it behind me. I trudged into the lounge room and sat in one of the chairs for a moment, my head spinning at a faster rate than I could cope with. I felt so damn lonely, and I realised too late that I probably needed to get laid.
“Gerard, is that you?” Alison had been sleeping on the couch opposite, and I hadn’t even noticed.
“Mmm, go back to sleep.” I knew she could hear the alcohol in my voice.
“Are you drunk?”
“Only a little,” I managed to get out rather proper, though the coughing and spluttering following was a dead giveaway. I got up and headed down to my room, ignoring Alison’s voice coming from behind me. My head found my pillow and I dreamt so long I thought for a moment I was never going to wake.
It’d been a slow week, and so the weekend was looking even more desirable than usual. I’d almost failed my written assignment for college and as I walked home feeling utterly defeated, I realised I was out of smokes.
“Fuckin’ great,” I murmured to myself, kicking a stone up the path. I’d get some later, I told myself. It’d be no big drama.
Mikey had his gang over and just the thought of sitting anywhere near Alison was driving me insane. I couldn’t go out there. I had a hunch that my feelings towards her were becoming more and more obvious each time we greeted one another, and it couldn’t be that way. She was her innocent little self, and there I was getting my jacket and checking I had my keys on me for when I came back at 4 in the morning and would forget where they were on my person, anyway.
It’d been a good night to go out. The stars were visible up in the cloudless sky and although that made the night a little cooler, it was well worth it. The bottle of booze – I forget exactly what I bought – was still firmly in my hands as I lay on the grass, and those little white specks were getting further away. I imagined Alison being by my side, and I imagined grabbing for her hand with such necessity in the dark instead of the bottle I’d just dropped. I took another swig and coughed, sitting up just slightly to light a cigarette. It took me a while to get it lit. As I sat and my lungs filled with the poison I was depending on to kill me, I thought about what I was doing with my life. I wasn’t making anyone happy. I wasn’t making a difference in anyone’s life. I only made things worse. I felt as tears trickled down my cheeks and I wiped them away with fury, determined to stay strong tonight. The bottle left my hands and flew through the air towards the nearest tree where it smashed and lay in pieces, and I regretted throwing it immediately. Already, I needed another drink.
Sat in the corner of the bar and still, she wouldn’t leave my thoughts. I looked all the women in the joint over. Some weren’t actually so bad. There was a girl with long brown hair in a simple black dress I’d usually go for, but even she was no Alison. She turned and a brilliant smirk lit up her face before I saw her walking towards me in a pair of rather sexy heels, but I turned my head away.
“Hey honey, what’s up?” she asked, taking a seat across from me at the table.
“I was actually just leaving,” I said, but her delicate touch stopped me from leaving my seat.
“Ohh nonsense, love. The night is young!” She kissed me then, but there was nothing there. I felt as her hand moved to my chest and though I wasn’t pushing her away, I wasn’t really in the mood, either. She pulled away after some time with flushed cheeks and went to get a drink, and I found myself following her to the bar. This went on all night until one of us could hardly stand any longer.
“Gerard honey, listen…listen here okay?” she slurred, placing her hand on my chest to keep her balance. “I like you, okay? Yeah, yeah you’re okay. You coming with me to my place?” I wasn’t in much better of a state, but I knew it’d not be a good idea. I wasn’t given the offer very often, and that thought played in my mind for a while. What’s wrong with a little fun every now and then, I thought, taking her hand and leading her outside to catch a cab.
Her hands were all over me in the backseat, and I found my own all over her in return. Open-mouthed kisses and fingernail scratches were all the hype that night. The cab pulled up to the side of the street in front of a small house and the girl began to get out, dragging me with her. I took another look at her before deciding that no, she was definitely no Alison.
“I’m sorry love, but I’m rather tired. Have a good night.” I closed the door in her drunken face and told the driver to take me home.
I was almost happy with my decision until I was at the front door at 3AM, trying once more to get the damn key in the lock. I heard the sound of success as I eventually got it in and turned the key, remembering to lock it behind me. I trudged into the lounge room and sat in one of the chairs for a moment, my head spinning at a faster rate than I could cope with. I felt so damn lonely, and I realised too late that I probably needed to get laid.
“Gerard, is that you?” Alison had been sleeping on the couch opposite, and I hadn’t even noticed.
“Mmm, go back to sleep.” I knew she could hear the alcohol in my voice.
“Are you drunk?”
“Only a little,” I managed to get out rather proper, though the coughing and spluttering following was a dead giveaway. I got up and headed down to my room, ignoring Alison’s voice coming from behind me. My head found my pillow and I dreamt so long I thought for a moment I was never going to wake.
♠ ♠ ♠
Thanks to brigeisfalling and Rat Head for commenting that last chapter :)