Sweet Child O' Mine

8 YEARS AGO

I sat alone in Johnny’s living room, a light coming only from the TV and a small lamp that sat on the small table next to the chair I was sitting in. Johnny wanted to spend time with his newly married wife, Lacey, by going out drinking tonight. Amber was supposed to watch the kids but she was nowhere to be found. Of course, I knew where she was…fucking Brian. So I came to watch Johnny’s kids. I would never pass up a chance to see my own daughter.

Johnny and Lacey came stumbling home about twenty minutes ago, but I knew the two would be too hung over to get Hayley and Rose off to school in the morning. It would be probably better for them if I stayed the night and got the kids to school tomorrow morning. Hell, uncles do that right?

“Uncle Zacky?” I heard a small voice call from down the hallway. I quickly turned the TV off, the flashing picture went dark. “What Hayley? It’s nine o’clock, you should be in bed,” I whispered knowing that Rose was asleep and I didn’t want to wake her.

Hayley stepped out from the black hallway, her natural black hair messy, her green eyes like a little puffy and red, like she was crying. She was wearing dark pink footie pajamas with a small brown teddy bear in one hand, a book in the other. Her arms hanged low as she looked at me with sad eyes. “Uncle Zacky, I had a nightmare. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to wake up daddy and mommy because I knew that they were drunk,” She sadly told me. I frowned as I heard her say the word ‘drunk’. You know a kid is growing up in a messed up family when she knows what being drunk means.

“But daddy or mommy would always read to me when I have nightmares. Uncle Zacky, can you read to me?” Her innocent voice asked. My fatherly instinct kicked in as I opened my arms to welcome her up on my lap. A bright smile came to both of our faces as she quickly dashed over the wood floor to me. She hopped up on my knee and rested her head on my chest. She handed me the large picture book as she hugged her teddy bear closer to her. I looked down at her as she stared down at the floor, the lamp light reflecting dimly off it. Silence filled the air.

“What’s your bear’s name?” I asked quietly to her. Her green eyes looked up at me, surprised by the question. But her mood quickly turned cheerful as she happily answered the question. “Her name is Princess. Mommy bought it for me when I was a baby.” Oh shocker. She named her teddy bear Princess. Hayley was obsessed with princes and princess. Of course if Hayley was under my roof, maybe it wouldn’t be that. Nah, the only princess Zackie would have been was a punk princess.

We both looked down at the picture book, which had a bright picture of a house and a big ass wolf on the front. And in dark red letters, the title of the book said: Little Red Riding Hood. Stupid story, but I didn’t want to say that out loud. That might break little Hayley’s heart. And no dad wants to break their own daughter’s own heart.

I took a deep breath and read the title out loud in a voice just above a whisper. Hayley snuggled in closer to me, her eyes never leaving the book. I quickly glanced at the top of her head; her hair parted right down the middle, and then glanced back at the book. I flipped open the hardcover book and looked at the next page which had another big ass wolf on it. It was dead quiet in the room and I knew that Hayley was waiting for me to start reading the story. I sighed and slowly and quietly began to read to childish words on the page.

I continued to read the story, slowly and quietly. Every so offend, I could feel Hayley try to snuggle closer to me. She would rub her tired eyes and she would yawn quietly. And every time I would pause, I could hear Johnny snoring off in his room. I usually shook my head at the sound of his drunken snore as I thought of the poor scared kid in my lap. My kid. Casey’s kid. Zackie.

About halfway through the stupid story, I was about to fall asleep myself. I glanced down at Zackie, my eyes half open. She hasn’t seemed to be moving at all, and her breathing was slow and soft. Her eyes were closed and her arms were wrapped halfway around my waist. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. I smiled a bit as I picked up Zackie and put the book down to carry her to her room. My footsteps softly padded the ground as I walked across Johnny’s wooden floors.

I sped up slightly when I went past Johnny’s room. I didn’t want his loud ass snoring waking Zackie. She was still fast asleep in my arms, unmoved. I looked at her sleeping face as I stepped inside her dark room. God, she just looks like Casey. It’s like I’m carrying Casey again, only in mini size.

I turned on her bedroom light and stared at a bright ass pink princess room. She had a pure white dresser and closet. And her twin size bed had pale rose-pink sheets and white pillows. I rolled my eyes as I walked over to her bed and laid her down. I pulled her bed covers over her body so only her head was sticking out. She nestled into her bed as she slightly moved to get comfortable. I tried to stay as quiet as possible so I wouldn’t wake her. As soon as I knew as she was asleep, I leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. I brushed her jet black hair out of her face and turned to leave. I took one last look around the stupid bright ass room. I slightly shook my head. I remembered all the hard work I put into making Zackie’s room at my house. The room still exists the same way it was before Zackie was born. The hot pink deathbat against the black walls…wasted.

I placed a hand on her light switch. I stared out into the dark hallway. I came to the realization that tomorrow I was going to be kicked out of Johnny’s home, probably without saying goodbye to my own daughter. I turned my head back to Hayley, she still unmoved from her sleep. I attempted to smile as I whispered under my breath, “Goodnight, Zackie.” That’s when I switched the light off and walked into the dark hallway.

PRESENT TIME

“Zack, I want to help you get your daughter back,” My brother finally told me. I just stood there in disbelief with the phone pressed to my ear, trying to think of something to say to my brother. Honestly I didn’t want his “help.” He fucking took my girlfriend of three years away from me by sleeping with her and didn’t even feel sorry for what he did. I’m still confused of why I even forgave him for what he did. He nearly ruined my life and now he wants to make up for it. Bullshit.

“What in the hell do you think you can do to get my kid back?” I asked angrily at my brother. I couldn’t wait to hear what he had to say. I was actually complementing whether I should just hang up on him. There was no way that he was going to be able to help me. It was nearly impossible for me to get Zackie back.

“I could talk to her and-“

“No you can’t talk to her because then I’ll lose her forever! Johnny will send Zackie away forever!” I yelled into the phone, a little louder than I wanted to be.

“Oh sorry, well…I’ll think of something…” Matt mumbled. I rolled my eyes as everything got quiet. “Uncle Zacky?” I heard Zackie shout from the living room. My heart pounded as I thought that maybe she heard what I yelled. I heard her footsteps coming closer.

“Matt, you just stay the fuck out of my life and stay away from my daughter!” I softly shouted into the phone as I hung up. I had less than a second to regain my composer before Hayley stepped into the kitchen.

“Uncle Zacky?” She repeated as her sad green eyes looked at me. Why is she sad? My heart ached just to see her smile. My day seemed to be getting worse by the minute, her smile make it so much better.

“Yes Hayley?” I answered her, wanting to know why she was upset. It was just fatherly instinct for me to want to know why my baby girl is upset.

“Um, can I talk to you about something?” She asked me, her hand signaling for me to sit down at the table. I stood there like a confused idiot until I followed her lead and sat down at the table. I was too lost in thought about why she was upset. Did she hear Matt and I’s conversation? I hoped she didn’t…otherwise I’m in big trouble.

“What’s up...Hayley?” I had a slight pause cause I almost said Zackie. I caught myself before the words slipped out.

She seemed hesitant at first, as she looked down at her hands that lay in her lap. She began to bite her lip as looked for the right words to say. My heart seemed to slowly speed up as I sat there in suspense. Her bright but sad eyes glanced up at me as she asked, “How did you feel when Casey died?”

Her words stunned me. I could already feel myself get choked up by the thought of me remembering that fatal night. I don’t think there were any words that I could use about how I felt when Casey died. It felt like my heart was ripped out and stomped on. Casey meant the world to me, and she was taken away from me all in one instant. And it was my entire fault…

“Um well…it was hard…I mean she was like my best friend…and it was so unexpected…” That was an understatement. I would have told Hayley more, but I didn’t want to reveal that me and Casey had something.

I could feel cold tears fill in the pit of my eyes. I started thinking about what would I have done if I had killed Zackie in the car crash. It was bad enough I killed Casey…but my own flesh and blood- my baby daughter? I would have just killed myself.

Hayley wasn’t answering but honestly I could tell she was in pain too. She looked down at her feet, as I heard her breathing deepen. I wanted to comfort her, but even before I could move to put my arms around her, she jumped from her seat and she held me. Her face was buried deep into my chest as she began to sob. At first I was in shock that she was hugging me, but then grief came over me, and my arms squeezed her closer to me. Tears ran down both of our cheeks as memories of Casey came back to me. All those years of painful memories seemed to be released in that hug. That moment. In those tears. With my daughter in my arms. If only it could stay that way.